


Shades of Love

by Rose_Stem



Category: Yuri!!! on Ice (Anime)
Genre: Aged-Up Yuri Plisetsky, Angst, Drama, Eventual Happy Ending, Fluff and Smut, Heartbreak, Homophobia, Loneliness, Love, M/M, Romance, Sex, otabek has a secret, yuri in bad place at beginning
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-09-20
Updated: 2020-10-05
Packaged: 2020-10-24 22:17:40
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 33
Words: 84,624
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20713424
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Rose_Stem/pseuds/Rose_Stem
Summary: Yuri Plisetsky is lonely. Everyone he knows is happy. Victor and Katsuki are disgustingly in love. Yakov has retired with Lilia. Otabek has a girlfriend. One night he seeks comfort and it backfires, but the awful night gives birth to a new appreciation for those Yuri has in his life. Otabek comes to visit and they have a lot to figure out if they are to remain in each other's lives.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Hey Everyone, 
> 
> So I'm kind of stressed at the minute and writing this is giving me something else to focus on. I am a new YOI fan so I may get some facts and information wrong. My fanfic will be based the show and set three or so years after the last episode. I'll try and tag more as I go along. Please be warned, it's not going to be all fluffiness. There will be some smut and some darker themes explored. It won't get too dark though! And there will be a happy ending, may just take a few ups and downs to get there. Also, there may be grammatically errors and such as no one will be editing with the exception of myself and I am rubbish at it!
> 
> Anyway, hope you enjoy. This first chapter is a little sad, but it's a good starting point for the story to develop. 
> 
> Feel free to comment, though please don't be too harsh haha!

"Will the pair of you give it a rest?" Yuri snapped, wiped the sweat from his brow. Victor and Yuuri were all over each other, all the damn time. They were supposed to be giving him their full attention after agreeing to coach him for the upcoming season. Instead they were gazing into each other's eyes and getting handsy rink side.

How did people have the audacity to call him rude and inappropriate?

Victor simply grinned at him, sliding his arm around his husband. "You asked us to be your coaches. You knew how we were before you asked that question."

Yuri scowled. "Please don't remind me. I must have taken a fall on the ice and been suffering with a concussion."

Katsuki laughed, a slight blush on his cheeks from being called out about the PDA. Unlike the old man, he seemed a little more apologetic. "I don't recall watching you take a fall that day, Yurio."

Yuri didn't even bother to try and get him to call him by his proper name anymore. After three years, he knew he was stuck with the fucking thing. "Whatever." Victor untangled himself from Katsuki and handed him a bottle of water. He took it with thanks and gulped down a quarter of it. "So do you have any ideas for my short programme or have you been too busy staring at each other to come up with anything?"

Victor leant on the barrier. "Yurio, I hate to say this but I think it would be beneficial to all of us if you went out on a date. Hooked up with someone. Had a little fun. You're wound up too tightly for a young man of eighteen."

Yuri spluttered in horror, the water shooting from his mouth unceremoniously. "What? What the fuck, Victor?"

"Victor," his husband sighed, "it's not your place to say that."

"Too fucking right," Yuri agreed. It was humiliating and frustrating! Why would he go on a date with anyone? Everyone he met was awful. Everyone he already knew were in relationships. In his experience, people were too much effort to deal with. 

"Think about it," Victor said, unfazed by the rebukes. "I understand that skating is the most important thing in your life. It was the same way for me for a very long time which is why I am in a prime position to give you advice on this."

"I'm not going to start slutting it up like you did when you hit nineteen." Victor's exploits on and off the ice were legendary. Ridiculous, Yuri corrected. He wanted to be known for his skating ability, as a champion, not for who's bed he had been sleeping in. The media ate that shit up and he didn't want to get caught in the trap like everyone else did.

Victor rolled his eyes. "See, you're a prude. Having a few nights of fun doesn't make me a slut."

Katsuki piped up, tone soft. "He is right, Yuri. There is nothing wrong with having a little fun. You work extremely hard - we all admire your work ethic and as your coaches we could ask for nothing more - "

"So what's the problem?" Yuri demanded, feeling slightly betrayed by the couple. They were both aware of exactly how much work it took to win a gold medal so for them to imply that he was...lacking in other areas because of that dedication was a kick in the gut. 

"This is the problem," Victor expressed, his eyes serious. "You can't have a conversation without blowing up over something small. That is fine when you're a child, but you're an adult now. We're your friends, we want you to be happy. You don't seem happy to me."

A ball of panic tightened in his stomach. "I'm fine."

Victor raised his brows. "Are you? I know how much pressure I used to put on myself. Yes, my skating was impeccable, but I was miserable much of the time. Lonely. I'm sorry if you think I'm being harsh here, but I want to spare you from those years of inner pain that I endured."

His usual bluster gone, Yuri stood silently. The unexpected conversation had thrown him off guard and he didn't know how to respond. He knew everyone thought he was a brat and to some extent, he knew it to be the truth. That assumption was safe; his prickly exterior kept people at a distance. He didn't have to explain his feelings to anyone, open up, or any of that shit. He could just be and do what he wanted. Ever since Grandpa's death, it had been what he needed. 

Otabek - 

Well, Otabek no longer had time for him so the one person he would have willing opened up wasn't an option anymore.

"I'm done for the day," Yuri said, throat dry. He needed out of the rink and away from his ‘friends’ before they gave anymore unsolicited advice.

Katsuki tried to grab his hand, but he shrugged it of. "Yurio, we're sorry. If you want to stay here, we'll go."

"No, I'm going." He left them to it without a backward glance. Why couldn't people just leave him alone?

*** 

Due to his early departure from practice, he was home with more hours to spare until bed than usual. He played with Potya before making a quick dinner and settling on the sofa to watch some boring TV, all whilst trying to get Victor's words out of his head. To distract himself further, he pulled out his phone and scrolled through Instagram. Boring, boring, boring. Selfies of Vicktor, Katsuki and their dog. More selfies from other skaters he knew. 

He snapped an adorable photo of Potya and uploaded it with a heart emoji. It was kind of pathetic, but his cat was the only other creature he could depend on in the world. She truly did have his heart.

Why was Victor so obsessed with telling him what to do with his personal life? It was called that for a reason - it was personal!

Did he and Katsuki really think he hadn't already thought about that stuff? Literally everyone else in his life was paired up or had an active social life. All he did was exercise, practice and then come home to his cat. Of course, he was fucking lonely. Being questioned about it just made him feel like shit. Victor had grown up a lot since meeting his husband, but not enough to know some things were better left alone. 

Yuri didn't pry into their lives or their relationship. He'd even taken it in stride when they both announced their retirements last year because he realised that it wasn't his place to make those decisions for anyone else. _He _had matured.

Notifications started to pop up on his phone, drawing his attention, likes and comments on the photo of Potya. One stood out, kicking his heart into overdrive.

_otabek-atlin: Miss you both._

Otabek hardly ever opened his Instragram app, let alone took the time to write comments. 

Otabek missed them. 

Enraged, Yuri threw his phone to the other side of the sofa, the burst of action scaring poor Potya so much she ran off into the bedroom. He made a conscious effort to calm down, though he could feel the sting of tears at the back of his eyes. If Otabek missed them so much, he had a funny way of showing it. He gets a new girlfriend and he goes off the grid completely. Yuri hadn't heard from him in over a month which had been excruciating considering they used to talk every single day. 

Fuck you, Beka. Fuck you.

He was so done with sitting around moping over someone who obviously didn't value their friendship as much as he did. Done with Victor and his interfering assessments. Of Yuuri for going along with every word he said. For Yakov for deciding to retire so he had no choice but to ask the most annoying duo to be his coaches. 

He was just done.

If Victor wanted him to get a life, he was going to get a fucking life.

***

  


Fuck, this was a bad idea. 

He hated people and he hated all the clubs he had been to unless he had been there to watch Beka DJ. He had no idea why he had decided to get dressed up and get a cab to the club. Going home would make the entire trip a failure so that wasn't an option for him.

Taking a sip of his drink, he winced at the strong vodka singed the back of his throat. Shit. He gulped so more down knowing it was the only way he was going to get through the night.

Watching everyone else with their friends or lovers did nothing to abate the loneliness that had lodge itself firmly inside. He had found a spot on a balcony which overlooked the dancefloor. He was too engrossed in the movement of the crowd in front of him to notice someone approach him. 

"Hey," a deep voice sounded from his right. 

Startled, Yuri lifted his head. A guy, perhaps a couple of years older than him stood there, drink in hand and smile on his face. "What do you want?"

The stranger laughed, unperturbed by Yuri's attitude. "Nothing."

Yuri frowned, giving the guy another once over, a slice of discomfort running through him when he noticed how much the man resembled Otabek, same haircut and everything. Weird. 

"I'm Henry, by the way." He offered a hand that Yuri didn't take. 

"Yuri."

Henry settled in next to him, still unfazed by his rudeness. "Are you here alone?"

Yuri nodded, seeing no point in lying. "You?"

"My friends are around here somewhere. I was looking for them, but I saw you instead. You're hot."

Yuri's cheeks flushed red. He had always known he liked males, but in Russia he knew he had to be careful about how he acted in a public space. A bit of leeway was given to the country's top athletes, but he still had to be careful unless he wanted to court the wrong kind of attention. No one had ever come onto him like this before and he didn't know what to do. With the vodka swimming around in his bloodstream, he was less cautious than he should have been. Victor had told him to have a hook-up, maybe this guy would be up for it?

"Thanks. You're...adequate."

Henry took it as a joke. Yuri had been serious, the guy was a cheap version of Otabek, but he was never going to have the real Otabek so he might as well be content with the knock off version who was openly coming onto him.

Henry moved to stand behind him, his thicker body emitting a heat that Yuri couldn't help but arch against. Hands moved across his stomach, trailing beneath his oversized tank. Yuri shivered in response, unused to the intimate touch, wishing that it was his Otabek. 

Yuri let out a small yelp as he was spun around with surprising strength. Henry gave him no warning, immediately capturing his lips. For a full ten seconds, Yuri remained still. Sure, he had kissed before. That kiss had ruined his life. This one was fine, over enthusiastic on Henry's part.

Finally, Yuri responded, giving into the sensation, allowing the stranger’s tongue into his mouth. A voice in the back of his head told him that he shouldn’t be doing this, that it wouldn’t solve any of the problems he faced tomorrow or the next day.

But right now, it felt good. With Henry’s hands roaming around his body, he could pretend that he meant something to someone. If he kept his eyes closed, maybe he could convince himself that it truly was Otabek wrapping him in the safe cocoon of his arms.

A shockwave went through his body when Henry bit down on his lower lip. Fuck, he liked that, his cock responding to the sensual assault. Maybe Victor had been right after all, maybe he should let off some steam. Fool around like everyone else did.

Determination coursing through him, Yuri grabbed hold of Henry’s leather jacket and pulled him closer, rubbing his body against the large one. Surrounded by the music, people and vibrating atmosphere, he could almost forget the loneliness he’d experienced since Otabek had left him.

For a few precious moments Yuri lost himself in another, uncaring of the show they were putting on for the rest of the patrons. As far as he was concerned, they were alone.

“Yes,” Henry whispered against his against, nibbling at his lobe, “there’s my Ice Tiger.”

Yuri’s eyes snapped open as he pushed the other man away. “You know who I am?”

Henry smirked, the site sending chills down his spine. “Of course I do. I knew you wouldn’t be able to resist me looking like this.” He gestured to his hair, the clothes. He reminded Yuri of Otabek because fashioned himself that way on purpose with the intention of capturing Yuri’s eye.

Meaning he knew exactly where to find Yuri.

“You sick fuck,” Yuri spat, livid with himself for being such an idiot.

Henry’s face fell, his hand grabbing for Yuri’s. “Don’t be like that. Stay with me. We were having fun.”

“Get your hands off me!” Yuri ripped himself away from the deranged fan who stood in front of him. He couldn’t trust anyone not to fuck him over.

Slipping out of the creep’s reach, he sprung into action and ran through the club, cursing his growing height for the first time in his life. With his hair he stuck out like a sore thumb, even in the heavy crowd.

He didn’t look back, eager to get the hell out of the club and back to his cat. Heart pounding, he rushed across the floor, grateful when the exist came into view. A large security guard was standing there on alert.

“Hey,” Yuri shouted, “you know who I am?”

The man nodded.

Yuri explained that a crazy fan was following him and he would appreciate if that fan was prevented from leaving the club for ten minute. Yuri handed him some money and got the assurance he wouldn’t be followed.

Jogging out into the cold night’s air, he became away of how stuffy it had been inside the club. Just in case the guard had lied, he sprinted down the street, heart only beginning to slow when he realised that no one was following him.

Shit.

He slowed down to a walk, more shaken than he would have admitted to another living soul. The Angels could be intense, but he had never experienced anything like that. Hands trembling, he pulled his phone out of his back pocket.

There was only one person he wanted to call.

Would he even pick up?

He should put his phone away, get home and go to bed. Otabek was most likely asleep or fucking that whiney girlfriend of his.

But he needed to talk to someone after that. His stomach was lined with grease and disgust. Self-loathing for being desperate enough to fall for such a crap move like that. Fuck it, he thought, finding Otabek’s number.

Breathing becoming heavier again, Yuri waited to see if his best friend slash crush would pick up the phone.

“Yura?” Otabek’s sleepy voice filled the line, sending a crack right down Yuri’s heart. “Are you okay?”

Yuri bit his lip. “No,” he said in a small voice.

More alert now, Otabek asked, “What’s going on? Where are you? It’s late. Are you outside?”

Now that he had the opportunity to speak to him, Yuri had no idea what to say. There was no way he could tell him the truth about what happened, he would explode from embarrassment.

“Yuri? You’re worrying me.”

Tears clouded his vision. “I just wanted to talk to you.”

“Please tell me what’s happened? I can call Victor and…”

“No!” Yuri protested, “If I wanted to speak to him, I would have called him. I’m fine. I just…I went to a club.”

“Are you drunk?”

“No. I only had a few drinks.”

Silence. “Tell me the truth. You don’t contact me in weeks and then call me in the middle of the night? You’re not okay. You just told me you weren’t.”

Beginning to panic, Yuri considered just hanging up. “I’m just…”

A loud holler sounded from behind him, drawing his attention. Yuri spun round to find two men a couple of metres behind him. “There he is!”

Fear shot through him. Neither of the men were Henry, but it was obvious they knew who he was and had followed him.

“Yuri, who was that? What’s going on?”

“I don’t know,” he rushed out. “Some men. Shit, I think they’re going to hurt me.” They were calling out obscene words, homophobic slurs. They must have seen him kissing Henry in the club.

“What! No. Yuri, run. Where are you?”

He looked around frantically, trying to work out where he was. “I don’t know. I’m going, I need to go.”

“Yuri! Don’t –“

He hung up and ran.

They followed.

He tripped.

Punching.

Kicking.

Spitting.

Shouting.

Flashing lights.

That was all he remembered. That and a lot of pain.


	2. Waking Up

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for the comments already! 
> 
> I'm not sure how long this fanfic will be, I only have a vague direction at the minute, but I do tend to get carried away so probably pretty long. I'll try and update every couple of days - definitely no longer than a week before chapters.

Yuri needed to cough.

The need woke him from a deep sleep, his consciousness working hard to break itself from the haven it had retreated to. Why did everything hurt do much?

Cracking his eyelids open, Yuri immediately blinked, blinded from the bright lighting of the room. His throat and lips were dry as he swallowed with difficulty. Where the hell was he? He knew he was missing something important – vital - but he couldn’t quite grasp what it was.

Anxiety pushed its way through his body as he tried to remember. He only became more agitated when his eyes focused and he realised he was in a fancy hospital room, the sterile environment causing chills to run down his spine.

He was in hospital.

He hated hospitals; they reminded him too much of his Grandpa’s death and the illness that had invaded and eventually taken his life.

The only thing that gave him comfort was the sight of Katsuki dozing in a chair beside his bed. It would take a lot to admit it aloud, but older skater’s presence had always put his at ease.

Yuri attempted to sit sending a wave of pain crashing through his entire body.

“Fuck,” he said hoarsely, lowering himself back down.

Katsuki’s eye popped open. Hopping out of the chair, he came to Yuri’s side, relieved smile on his face. “Yurio! You’re awake. We were so worried about you.”

“Can I have some water?” he asked.

“Yes.” Katsuki poured some from a jug and then held the glass close to his lips so he could drink from the straw. When he was done, Katsuki asked, “Do you remember what happened?”

It was coming back to him. Flashes of the club, of that crazy stalker who had kissed him, of the men who had chased him. He remembered them catching up to him when he tripped on a loose stone, trying to fight them off. Cursing himself for ever leaving his home.

Curling into a ball as his body was battered from both sides, praying to the gods to just be knocked out because the pain was so intense. All-consuming.

Yuri nodded.

Katsuki’s face softened, his hand clasping Yuri’s. “I’m so sorry that happened to you. The police have arrested the men who did it. Victor has been dealing with the police.”

“I blacked out. I don’t remember the ambulance or police or anything like that.”

He should be scared or worried, but he just felt numb.

“A group of young men were passing by when it happened and they intervened. They called the ambulance and detained the men who attacked you. Apparently, one of your rescuers was a massive fan.”

Good to know they weren’t all insane. “Everything hurts. Am I still going to be okay for the season?”

Katsuki stilled, “We should wait for your doctor and Victor to come back.”

“No,” Yuri protested, now terrified. If he couldn’t skate… “It’s my body. My career. My future. Tell me.”

Katsuki sighed, fiddling with his glasses. “You don’t have any permanent injuries. You were incredibly lucky, they didn’t break any bones, but Yuri, you have extensive bruising. I don’t know if you’re going to be recovered enough to participate in.”

“Then I can still make the Grand Prix.” The competition began in eight weeks. He, Victor and Katsuki had invested a lot of time into his programmes already. Missing it wasn’t an option.

“Yes, but..”

Yuri cut him off, “No, I’m not missing anything because of this.”

Distress flashed across Katsuki’s face. “You can’t see yourself. You look terrible. Just wait until Victor gets back and we can discuss this further. Your doctor will be able to give us more information about your recovery.”

“I’m not missing a competition,” Yuri said through gritted teeth, his brow beginning to sweat from keeping the pain at bay.

“Yurio!” Victor’s loud voice filled the room as he swept in, his silver hair glinting beneath the bright lighting.

“I’ve got a headache old man, keep the noise down.”

Victor winced, “Of course, I’m sorry. I’m just so relieved that you’re awake. How are you feeling?”

“Like shit,” he answered honestly. “Can one of you get the doctor? I want a full account of my injuries so we can assess how long it’s going to take me to get back on the ice.”

“Yuri,” Victor began, “that can wait. You’ve been through something horrible, you should –“

“Don’t tell me what to do,” Yuri barked. “Go and find the doctor.”

Yuri looked away from his friends, hating the sympathy he found in their expressions. Victor departed, leaving him alone with Katsuki, who wouldn’t shut up.

“Do you want me to help you sit? Your doctor said when you woke you would be sore, but able to move if you wish.”

Yuri hesitated before nodding. He accepted the other’s mans help, grimacing as the bruises made themselves known. Despite the pain the movement caused, he was glad to be sitting. He felt less like an invalid.

“Otabek called Victor,” Katsuki said tentatively, “he was a mess. We thought that maybe you had escaped them, but then the hospital contacted us. You didn’t tell me I was your emergency contact.”

“Better you than that airhead out there,” Yuri sighed. He was doing everything in his power to not think about Beka. If he did, he would curl up in a ball and cry.

“You’re staying with us.”

Yuri bit his lip, relieved. Asking them would have pierced his pride, but the thought of going back to his empty apartment was terrifying. “Can I bring Potya?”

Katsuki smiled. “Yes. Her and Makkachin will find a way to get along.”

“Thanks,” he said quietly.

“We’ll be pleased to have you,” Katsuki hesitated before speaking again. “You went out because of what we said to you at the rink, didn’t you? This is our fault.”

A few years ago, Yuri would be the first to blame anyone else for his mistakes, but he had learnt to take some responsibility. “No. It’s those assholes who think it’s acceptable to go around beating people up.”

“Otabek said you had been to a club.”

The mention of Otabek’s name sent a fresh wave of agony through him. “I’m an adult, I do what I want.”

“The police said the attack was motivated by your sexuality, that the men had seen you kissing some guy at the club.”

Would the humiliation never end? “Yuuri, don’t.”

His earnest gaze wouldn’t leave Yuri’s. “You can talk to me. There is nothing wrong with liking other men.”

Yuri scowled at him. “I know that. I’m not a confused child.”

“Then talk to me.”

“There is nothing to talk about, you already know what happened.”

Katsuki shot him a look of irritation. “I want to know how you feel about it. If you don’t want to talk to me, then talk to Otabek. We’ve been in constant contact with him.”

Yuri had the urge to pull his hair out. “I’m not like you and Victor, I don’t need to talk everything to death. It happened. I’ll recover and get back to skating. End of story.”

A commotion at the door stopped Katsuki from responding. Finally, his doctor had arrived. Hopefully to talk some sense into his cautious coaches.

A few hours later, Yuri finally had some peace. He had been discharged from the hospital and was laying in the spare room at his coaches house. Victor had gone to his apartment for his things and Katuski was around somewhere handling stuff with the Federation. Yuri had sent him away to do something useful after he had tried to get him to talk about his feelings again.

Yeah, not happening.

He needed to focus on getting back into top condition. The doctor had told him to stay off the ice for the next week or so to give his body time to heal. Katsuki had been right, he had been lucky. He was covered in bruises and cuts, some of which were on his face, he thought with disgust.

No selfies for a while.

He’d been given some pain medication which is planned to take sparingly. No way was he becoming addicted or anything. All in all, he felt a lot better now that he was out of hospital. There had been a few bad moments when left the hospital and a bunch of fans and reporters crowded around him, shouting questions in his face as he was wheeled out.

Katsuki had gone all mother bear, snarling at them, whilst Victor had cleared a path. As much as they annoyed the fuck out of him at time, they were the closet thing he had to family and were always there for him when he needed them.

Glancing at his phone, he was happy to find that I was still working. There was a huge crack down the screen, but the charger Katsuki had leant him had given the phone life. He grabbed it, stomach cramping at the amount of missed calls and texts he had from Otabek.

Fifteen missed calls.

Shit, he should probably call him back. They were in a weird place, but if their circumstances were reversed, he would be going out of his mind if Beka were hurt.

_Yura, please call me back. _

_Are you okay?_

_Please call me. I need to know you’re okay._

_I’m calling Victor._

_Please be safe. _

All the calls and texts were from early hours of the morning before Otabek had spoken to Victor and Katsuki, except one:

_Yura, I’m coming to Russia. My flight leaves in an hour. I’ll be with you soon. _

Yuri dropped his phone, mouth hanging open in shock. Otabek was coming to Russia.

Otabek was coming to Russia.

Fuck.

Giving no heed to his injuries, Yuri jumped – no, crawled – out of bed and went in search of Katsuki. He was sitting in the living room, his phone in his hands. He looked up when Yuri entered, frown taking over his face immediately.

“You’re meant to be resting.”

A little breathless from the unexpected effort of moving, Yuri pointed at him. “You know! You must know and you didn’t tell me.”

“What do you mean?”

Yuri narrowed his eyes. “Otabek.”

Katsuki relaxed, “Ahh. Yes, he’s coming here. We told him you were okay, but he insisted on coming to see for himself.”

“But…” he spluttered, unsure why he was having such a strong reaction. For months, all he could think about was seeing Beka again. But not like this, not some pity visit because he was hurt. Otabek already thought he was weak, if he saw him like this, his opinion would only get worse.

And then there was the whole _kissing crazy Henry because he looked like Beka_ thing. If Otabek found out about that, he would be mortified.

“Aren’t you happy? I know you haven’t been speaking to him as much lately, but I thought that was because you are both busy with practice. You haven’t fallen out, have you?”

“What? No.” Maybe? Yuri had no idea what they were anymore.

“Then there is no problem,” Katsuki grinned like the fool he was. Yuri rolled his eyes and slowly walked back to his bed, aware he had just overreacted. Hopefully, Katsuki was too dumb to realise how weird he was acting whenever Otabek came up.

How was he going to handle this?

If he had to sit next to Beka and listen to him go on about his girlfriend, he would puke. Even the thought of it caused his stomach to twist horribly. As he wasn’t supposed to skate for a while, there would be no excuses, he would have to spend so much time with Otabek alone without the skating between them.

Shit. Just…shit.


	3. Reunited

Bag strapped over his shoulders, Otabek Atlin took a deep breath as he took in the large home that belonged to Victor and his husband, Yuuri. With exhaustion beating down on him, the sight was a welcome one.

His body recognised it as it a place to rest, whilst his mind was racing. Yuri was in there, no doubt denying that he had been affected by the attack, scowl perched on his pretty face. Honestly, Otabek was worried about he was going to react to seeing that face covered in the evidence of that attack.

Victor had given him an idea of what to expect, keeping him updated on Yuri’s condition. Just thinking about someone putting their hands on his Yura was enough to send him into a rage. His fist tightened in anger before he could control the action.

He loosened it, aware that he had to calm down. He knew from experience that Yuri and Victor both possessed intense personalities and Yurri would require help keeping them from each other’s throats, especially if Yura had his defences sky high.

Shit, he couldn’t stand out here all day.

Otabek walked to he door, knocked, anticipation building within his veins. Finally, he was going to see Yura with his own eyes. Spending the flight obsessing over his condition had been excruciating. It was only when he landed that he had received the call from Victor informing him with certainty that Yuri was going to be okay. The relief had almost sent him to his knees, but even then he had known that the complexity of Yuri's character was going to make it particularly hard for him to deal with the attack.

And for the motivation behind it.

Victor had told him what had happened, that Yuri had been seen kissing some assh - some guy - in a club and been followed out by two homophobes. On the journey to the city, Otabek had pushed aside his own feelings on the matter. If he thought too much about Yuri kissing someone else, he was going to lose it completely. He had been upset when he called Otabek on his way from the club, meaning something bad had already happened. What if the man Yuri had been kissing had taken advantage?

Yuri was innocent, he shouldn't have to deal with people coming onto him - 

No, he had to stop going down that rabbit hole. Yuri was an adult, old enough to go to a club and find a hook-up. Never mind that it killed Otabek to think about it; Yuri could do what he liked. 

Their relationship was fragile and complicated at the moment, but none of that mattered to him right now. 

Victor opened the door, pulling him from his thoughts. “Otabek! Wow, you got here in good time. Come in, come in.”

Otabek smiled at the older man, grateful for his dedication to Yura. “Thank you. I hope you don’t mind me intruding like this.”

His expression fell a little as he ushered Otabek in. “No, we’re glad you decided to come. Yurio is…I think he’s in denial. He won’t talk to me or Yuuri about the attack. He doesn’t want to give his statement to the police. All he wants to do is talk about when he can get back onto the ice.”

Otabek huffed out a breath. “I figured that’s how he would want to handle this.”

“He’s not handling it,” Victor said, “that is the problem.”

“It’s been less than a day. Give him some time to process it.” Yuri did things at his own pace, Victor rushing him along wasn’t going to help, it would only increase his stubbornness.

“I know you're right. Yuuri told me we had to be patient, but it's difficult to see him like this. I'm worried he's just going to bury his emotions and make things harder for himself," a dramatic sigh before he continued, "Let me take your bag, I’m sure you’re tired.”

Otabek handed his bag over, “Thank you. Can I see Yuri?”

Victor flashed him a warm smile. “Yes, I will show you up.”

He followed Victor through the house, sharing a quick greeting with Yuuri along the way. It wasn't his first time at their home, they'd been living in the beautifully furnished house for the last couples of years and he had occasionally visited with Yuri when he had been in St Petersburg. The last time he had seen either of them had been their wedding, three months before. He had tried to wipe that night from his memory and failed. _Yuri's tentative lips on his. So soft against his own. Strands of that golden hair between his fingers. _

“I’ll leave you to it,” Victor told him as they approached the door, interrupted the memory that both agonised and excited him. “I’ll put your things in the next room.”

“Thank you.”

Otabek inhaled, took one final moment to prepare himself and then knocked on the door. 

An echo of a smile passed over his face as Yura’s aggravated voice filled his ears. “Katsuki, I don’t want anymore food!”

Otabek opened the door, his eyes immediately fixing on the face his knew almost well as his own. Pain and fury sliced through him as he assessed the damage. His face was marred with heavy bruising around his right eye, matching a cut above his brow.

There were likely many more injuries that he couldn’t see, covered up by clothing. 

His blond hair was tied up in a knot on top of his head with a few stray stands falling loose from the bun. Each time he laid eyes on Yuri following a long parting, he was always taken by how much his features matured, sharpened. The angelic quality of his looks was at complete odds with the prickly attitude he exuded most of the time. Otabek knew him well, probably better than anyone else now so he was aware of just how vulnerable Yuri could be. 

Potya was curled up on Yuri’s lap as his elegant fingers stroked her fur, distracted by something on his phone. Probably Instagram. He didn’t look up as he said, “I said I don’t want anymore food. Are you trying to get me as out of shape as you and the old man?"Otabek didn’t respond, content to just look at him for a second. “Shouldn’t you be sucking Victor’s face instead of standing there staring at me?”

Otabek had to laugh at that. “I think his husband would have something to say about that.”

Yuri’s eyes flew up, meeting his. A wealth of emotion passed between them. “Beka?”

“Hey,” he replied quietly. 

“You’re here,” Yuri said with surprise.

“You knew I was coming.”

He swallowed, “Yeah, but…you’re here.”

Unable to keep distance between them any longer, Otabek walked to the bed and at on the edge. “I’m here. How are you?”

Yuri growled at him. “Don’t start with me. I’m fine. Everyone is overreacting, you included. You shouldn’t have dropped everything to come here.”

“Don’t worry about it,” Otabek dismissed, “you’re hurt, there was nowhere else I was going to be.”

Silence sat between them for a few seconds. “You’re here.”

“Yes. I’m here for you, whatever you need. If you don’t want to talk about it, that’s okay for now. I won’t push you.” He could see the relief wash through Yuri, confirming that he said the right thing.

Yuri then surprised the hell out of him by shuffling forward and wrapping his arms around Otabek’s neck. He reciprocated, pulling Yuri in with care, feeling much more stable now that Yuri was in his arms, safe. 

Yuri inhaled Beka’s scent, trying to keep his emotions under control. It was so easy to keep them locked in with everyone else, but even after only a couple of minutes in Otabek’s presence, his walls were crumbling down.

Otabek was here. He just couldn’t seem to get over that fact.

He didn’t want to let go. For the first time since he had woken up in the hospital, he was safe. It felt like he was…home. The feeling was fleeting because Obabek pulled back. “I don’t want to hurt you.”

“I’m fine,” Yuri for the hundredth time that day. It was only a small lie. He wasn’t fine; he was in pain and terrified about how his body would meet the needs of his skating programmes. His unfinished skating programmes.

Otabek studied him; as always he saw too much. “You’re not fine. I told you I won’t push you, but don’t lie to me, Yura. Don’t lie to me," he repeated, expression serious.

Knowing he could only push Beka so far, he acquiesced. “Fine.”

“Good.”

Yuri fought the urge to roll his eyes. Everyone thought Otabek was so calm and polite and nice. He was, Yuri would admit, to a point. He was also fucking stubborn, broody and a sarcastic asshole when he wanted to be.

“I should leave you to get some rest, it’s getting late. We can catch up in the morning.”

No, he had only just got Beka back. “Oh, yeah. Okay. You’re probably tired too.”

“A little.”

Yuri could see the lines of exhaustion on his face. “It’s really good to see you.”

“You too. I just wish it weren’t under these circumstances,” Otabek said, "but at least it gave me an excuse to come here."

Yuri's mouth opened to ask if he wanted to see him so badly, why he had ghosted him for the last month, but he didn't have the energy to start that particular conversation. They could talk when they both weren't so raw and tired. Instead, he tried for a neutral topic. "We can go to the rink tomorrow and you can show me how your programmes are coming along."

"Yuri.."

"What you don't want to show me what I'm going to be against?" he joked. They had been showing each other their work for years, the trust between them unshakable. Or it had been until the last couple of months. 

Otabek frowned, absently stoking Potya, "That's not it. You're suppose to be resting."

"I won't go near the ice, Beka. I'll sit and watch you."

"We'll talk about it tomorrow."

Narrowing his eyes, Yuri stuck to his guns. "We're going."

"See how you feel it the morning. After a full night's sleep, you're going to be stiff and uncomfortable."

Yuri blew out a breath, "I forgot how sensible you are."

"Take that back," Beka warned, teasing in his tone before he grew more serious. "I have never been as scared I was when you hung that phone up. Let me fuss over you for a few days, even if you don't need it, I do." 

"I'll try," Yuri yielded, moved by Beka's honesty and in awe that someone as good as him could care about Yuri so much. "I'm not promising anything though."

Otabek chuckled. "I can live with that. I think Victor put me next door so shout if you need anything."

There was no way he was going to act like a child and yell for Beka in the night. For three years, he had been trying to get him to see Yuri as an adult and an equal. He wasn't ruing all that effort tonight. "I'll be okay. Go and get some sleep, you look terrible. If we're lucky, Victor will make us some breakfast in the morning." He was actually getting really good at cooking since he had retired from skating.

Otabek blessed him with a rare unfiltered smile, “He would do anything for you right now. Best to make use of it whilst you can.”

“Goodnight, Beka,” Yuri said so softly is was almost inaudible.

Otabek squeezed his hand before rising, “Goodnight.”

Yuri watched him leave, wondering how his heart was going to survive this time with Otabek.

***

A loud cry tore through the night, ripping Otabek out of a deep sleep. Before he was fully awake, he recognised that the sound had come from Yuri’s room. Flying out of bed, heart racing, he rushed into Yuri’s room, half expecting to find intruders beating him to a pulp. .

He switched the light on, eyes frantically searching for Yura. He was on the bed, right where Otabek had left him. Tears were streaming down his face as he pushed himself into a sitting position.

Realisation dawned; he had been having a nightmare. Otabek wasted no time in crossing the room and gathering Yuri into his arms. “You’re alright.”

Yuri clung to him, unaware of Victor and Yuuri entering the room. Otabek shook his head at them, knowing that Yuri would be embarrassed for them to see him so vulnerable. Yuuri nodded and pulled a reluctant Victor along with him.

Positioning them so that they were more comfortable, Otabek was worried that he was going to aggravate his injuries. Yuri didn't seem to care, he wouldn't let go, squeezing onto him. 

“You’re okay. I’m here,” Otabek whispered, rocking their bodies softly. 

Yuri's broken voice destroyed him, "Beka."

"Yes, it's me. I'm not going anywhere." His friends and family had thought him crazy for flying to Russia without a second thought, but somewhere inside he had known that Yuri would need him. Only him. "I'm here."

They sat like that for a long time, Otabek occasionally offering soothing words that seemed to calm Yuri down a little. As unaffected as he appeared on the outside, there was a raging inferno spinning inside of him, a darkness that would spill over if his willpower cracked. There was nothing more he wanted than to get his hands on the men who had caused his Yura to cry and hurt. They weren't fit to walk the same earth as his angel. 

A little while later, tears mostly dry,Yuri asked, "Can you stay in here for the rest of the night? I don't want be alone."

"Of course," Otabek said, "get under the covers, you're freezing." His hands were like ice blocks. 

They rearranged themselves beneath the blankets. Otabek sensed Yuri was reluctant was asked to be held again, so he just circled his arms around the slender waist and pulled him close so that Yuri's head was buried in his chest. Fuck propriety. Fuck everyone else.

Needing the contact between them, he pressed a kiss to Yuri's temple. "Go to sleep, I have you."

Yuri stiffened at the affection before relaxing into his arms once again. 

There was no way Otabek could pretend any longer. They needed to face their feelings and work things out. He couldn't be around Yuri and refrain from touching him like that. He couldn't pretend that all he wanted was friendship. He would give Yuri some time to recover and then lay his cards on the table. 


	4. Confessions Over Breakfast

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for the comments and Kudos so far, much appreciated! Hope you enjoy this next chapter.

The next morning Yuri stood at the top of the stairs trying to work out how he was going to get down them. His entire body felt like one massive, pulsing bruise and every time he moved, the pain only became worse, adding to his already foul mood. Could he have embarrassed himself any more last night? The nightmare had been bad, a combination of flashes of the attack melding with every other shit moment of his life, but his breakdown had been pathetic.

His cheeks flamed as he remembered begging Otabek to stay with him. 

Fuck! 

Spurred on by his own ineptitude, Yuri tackled the stairs, wincing as every step reverberated through his body with force. 

"Yuri!," Otabek's voice sounded behind him, "what the hell are you doing?"

"Walking down the stairs, what does it look like?" he yelled as Otabek scrambled to his side, offering his arm for support. Yuri batted it way, "I can walk down the stairs by myself."

Otabek scowled at him. "Really? Because it looks like you're about to fall. Take my arm or I carry you," he said, tone more lethal than Yuri could remember ever hearing it. He took the arm, figuring it was the least humiliating option. 

With his help, Yuri managed to hobble down the stairs ignoring the glare Otabek gave him. In was a stark contrast to the care he had shown last night, muttering gentles words in Yuri's ear, holding him closely. And the kiss on the temple, what had that been about? They had always been pretty tactile with each other but that had been before the kiss-kiss at Victor and Katsuki's wedding that had ruined everything between them. 

It hurt his heart and brain too much to think about. He would rather focus of the delicious smells wafting from the kitchen. Letting go of Otabek as soon as he hit the bottom step, he strolled into the kitchen to find Victor and Katsuki locked in an embrace, tongue's down each other's throat. He and Otabek shared an awkward glance before Yuri coughed, alerting the married couple to their presence. 

They broke apart, but Victor kept an arm around Katsuki's shoulder. "You're awake. I would have brought something up to, Yurio."

He took a seat at the table, avoiding Otabek's gaze. Last night he had been so happy to see him, but now the weirdness had settled between them once again. It hurt being around him when they were like this. He looked to Victor. "I'm fed up with laying in bed. The doctor said to take it easy, not act like I have a terminal illness."

Katsuki handed him a glass of water. "Did you take your pain medication?"

"Yes," he answered. "I'm sore, but I'm used to it." He taken bad falls on the ice which had punished his body in a similar way. 

They ate breakfast together and to Yuri's immense relief no one mentioned his breakdown during the night. They were, however, being overly cautious with him in a way that aggravated the fuck out of him. 

When they finished eating, Victor said, "The police want to take your statement. I've put them off for as long as I could, it needs to be done today."

"Why?" Yuri demanded, irrationally angry. "They know what happened. Why do they need to hear it from me?"

Victor regarded him with patience. "Because they do. Do you not want these people to be punished?"

He just wanted it to go away. "Yes."

Otabek bumped his shoulder. "They'll come here. It will take no time at all."

"Fine," he said, well aware that none of them would shut up about it. "They can come here, but I want to do it alone."

"Yuri," Otabek began.

Katsuki cut him off. "No, if that's how you want to do it, that is how you do it."

Yuri shot him a look of gratitude. He didn't want to replay that night to any of his friends; it was fucking embarrassing. First he gets conned by Henry and then he gets beat up. Not his finest moments.

Victor clapped his hands. “Good, I’ll call them and set it up in a little while. Now, Otabek, as Yurio woke up on the wrong side of the bed this morning, why don’t you tell us how you have been?”

If looks could kill, Victor would be dead right now. Yuri didn’t take the bait, slumping in his seat, though he was interested to hear what Beka had to say.

Disliking to be centre of attention, Otabek shifted his seat, obviously uncomfortable. “I’ve been good. Busy with the upcoming Grand Prix and music.”

Katsuki smiled. “And your family, how are they?”

“My parents are busy with their practice. Aylin had just finished school earlier this year and is going to spend a couple of months interning at the practice.”

He loved the way Otabek’s face lit up when he spoke of his younger sister, so bright and full of joy.

“I bet she’s going to love that,” Yuri said, laughing. Aylin was a wild child, well next to Beka she looked like a wild child.

Otabek shared his amusement. “It was actually her idea if you can believe that.”

“No, I can’t.” The few times Yuri had met her, Aylin had spent the entire time moaning about her parents. They weren’t so bad in his opinion. They loved their children, it was more than he could say about his parents.

Victor rested his head in his hands. “Yuri said you had a new girlfriend, how is she?”

Otabek spat a mouthful of coffee out, startling them all. Yuri was furious at the new line of questioning, he didn’t want to hear about Otabek’s girlfriend! He would rather carve his eyeballs out with a spoon.

“I don’t have a girlfriend.”

Yuri’s head whipped round so fast that he was afraid he had given himself whiplash. Otabek was looking at him with an odd expression that he couldn’t decipher.

“What did you just say?” Yuri shouted, forgetting all about the other people in the room.

Placing his mug on the table, Otabek’s eyes didn’t leave his. “I said I don’t have a girlfriend.”

“What happened to Camilla?”

Brows drawing in confusion, Otabek continued, “Yuri, I had two dates with her. We weren’t…we aren’t… you thought I was with Camilla?”

Yes, he thought that his Beka was with that skanky ballerina. She was all he could talk about when they had been at Victor and Katsuki’s wedding. Yuri had been seething with jealousy, inciting him to kiss Otabek.

There had been a moment of pure disbelief before they had both lost control, tongues and teeth clashing in desperation. Yuri’s nerve ending had been on fire, igniting the moment Beka had touched him, holding him close. When Beka had pulled away from him with a stricken expression, his heart had cracked into pieces.

Those seconds had been ingrained into his mind for the last few months, forcing him to accept a truth he could no longer deny.

Yuri had assumed it was because of Camilla so hell yes he was angry and he wasn’t going to let this go until he got answers. “Why wouldn’t I think that? You’ve hardly spoken to me in months!”

“Because things weren’t right between us, I didn’t know what to do,” Otabek cried.

Victor interrupted them. “Perhaps you should have this conversation in a few days. Yuri, you shouldn’t be getting too worked up.”

“Shut up!” Yuri bellowed, beyond furious.

"Yuri, really, I don't understand why you're acting this way," Victor rebuked, seemingly clueless to what was going on. "Otabek travelled as this way to see you. You should treat him with more respect."

Flames erupted from Yuri's head. "Stay out of this."

Katuski took hold of Victor's hand and tugged him up. "I think that's a good idea. We'll leave you to it."

They left the room, Victor huffing loudly. Yuri's attention turned to Otabek, his voice quiet. "For months I've felt guilty about kissing you and now you just drop into conversation that you and that girl aren't together? I thought you hated me because I had kissed you when you were in a relationship."

Otabek's eyes widened. "God, no. I broke it off with Camilla as soon as I got home. There was barely anything to break off, like i said we had only been out a few times. I could never hate you, Yura."

"Then where have you been?" Yuri questioned. There had been so many times over the last month that Yuri had needed him. He hadn’t realised how much he relied on the constant contact until it was taken away.

"Every time we spoke after that night, things only got more strained between us. I thought you regretted kissing me and needed the distance. I was giving you space."

"Space for what?" Space was the opposite of what he had needed.

"I don't know. I thought maybe you were confused about your feelings for me."

"For fuck sakes," Yuri muttered, “All of you need to stop treating me like a child. I'm not confused about my sexuality - I like men, Beka. I kissed you because I like you."

Otabek was quiet for a moment. "You've never talked about any of that stuff before. You've never mentioned having a crush on anyone!"

"You're so stupid. Of course I didn't fucking mention it because you've always been it for me. How was I supposed to bring it up when you would always tell me about your dates, half of them with women?" Perhaps he would be humiliated later, thinking back on his revelations, but right now, the truth just kept rolling from his tongue. "I wasn't going to tell you when I knew you looked at me like I was still that bratty kid with an attitude problem."

Face softening, Otabek said, "I don't see you like that; I never have. You've always let me see the real you. Yes, I was giving you space, but I was also giving myself time. I haven't been able to stop thinking about the kiss and I knew I needed to tell you how I felt, but I couldn't make myself do it. If I told you and you didn't feel the same way..."

Tentative hope blossomed. "So what are you saying?" 

Beka took his hand, interlinking their fingers. "I'm saying that I want to kiss you again."

Licking his lips, Yuri considered pinching himself to check that he was awake. Beka's hand felt so real in his, his skin so warm against Yuri's perpetually cold flesh. "These past few months have been so hard," he admitted, still reeling from the fact that Beka wanted him, "what if we start this and it ruins our friendship? I don't know if I could survive that."

"I told you, I could never hate you. Hurting each other is a natural part of any relationship, but as long as we make sure it's never deliberate, we can survive a break up. If it isn't working out between us in a romantic sense, we have to be honest with ourselves and with each other. If we do that, we won't lose our friendship."

Yuri so badly wanted to jump at this chance, but..."I can be an asshole." He would drive Otabek away like he did everyone else. 

Otabek laughed. "I'm aware. I'm under no illusions about who you are Yuri and you know me just as well." He took a deep breath, "Our feelings are out in the open now. I'm going to be staying for a couple of weeks if Victor and Yuuri will agree to coach me during that time so I keep up to date with my practice. You've been through a lot lately and I don't want you to make a rash decision about us so let's just take some time. I can take you out on a date," he smiled.

Yuri own lips tipped at the prospect. "Where would you take me?"

"Hmmm. I'll have to think on it. I want to surprise you." 

Warmth spread to every cell in his body. Otabek wanted to date him. "I can't believe you just goaded me into confessing my feelings over the breakfast table."

"Victor started it by asking about my non-existant girlfriend which you told him about so I think the fault lies with you."

Yuri gave him the side eye. "I forgot how much of a smart-ass you are."

"Don't think you have gotten away with avoiding a talk about last night either."

His good mood popped. "I had a nightmare. Everyone has them."

"I told you, I won't push you, but we will be talking about it," Otabek promised, squeezing his hand in comfort. "You can tell me anything, Yura."

"I know..." he replied. He did know that, especially now he realised what had gone wrong between them. "I just want to get it right in my own head before I talk about it with anyone else." He didn’t want to admit how much it had shaken him.

After the nightmare last night, the thought of being alone chilled him to the core.

Otabek nodded. "Okay. How are you feeling? Do you still want to go to the rink?"

"No," he confessed, "my body hurts. I was being a fucking idiot last night. If you want to get some practice in, I'll be fine here. I have to talk to the police anyway."

"If you're staying here, so am I. I can get back on the ice in a couple of days, there is no rush."

Grateful, Yuri flashed him a smile. "Movie day?"

"Sure."

Otabek’s phone dinged loudly, reminding Yuri that he had left his own upstairs. Before coming down for breakfast he had been answering a bunch of texts from people at the rink checking in to see how he was doing. Their concern had been unexpected and welcome, if he were honest.

“What the…” Otabek trailed off, eyes glued to his phone, skin losing colour.

Worried, Yuri placed a hand on his thigh. “What’s up? Everything okay?”

Otabek’s eyes met his. “Where’s your phone?”

“Upstairs,” he answered, confused. “Why?”

“Don’t look at it.”

Fear uncurled in his stomach as he took in the other man’s reaction. “Why? Beka, what’s going on?”

Otabek had gone extremely still, tension radiating from his frame. “Someone filmed the attack. It’s all over the internet.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I didn't want to draw out their miscommunication for too long as I wanted to write about them getting comfortable with each other in a relationship, so I hope this doesn't seem too rushed. It's definitely not going to be plain sailing from this point though, plenty more drama along the way!


	5. Otabek Has A Secret

Otabek slid a glance to Yuri without trying to alert him. It was approaching mid-afternoon, the police had been and gone to take his statement so they had settled down on the couch to watch a movie whilst Victor and Yuuri had gone to buy some food for a dinner they were making later on. 

Yuri had said nothing about the video since he had snatched the phone out of Otabek's hand and watched the entire thing, face blank. Otabek was worried; a silent Yuri was foreign to him. When they were together or on the phone, Yuri talked. The quiet demeanour was unsettling. Otabek just wanted to put his arms around Yuri, but he didn't know if the affection would be welcome as Yuri was stiff next to him. Despite establishing that they had romantic feelings for each other, now didn't seem like the right time to test the boundaries. 

He felt useless. 

Checking his phone, he saw that he had a text from Aylin. She had been the one to alert him to the video this morning. 

_A: Hey, big brother. How is Yuri doing?_

_O: Not good. He's retreating into himself. I don't know what to do. _

_A: Oh Beka _ _☹_ _ You've always been so good at comforting me. Just do what comes naturally. _

_O: You're a lot less prickly than he is._ Not that he was afraid of Yuri's occasional merciless tongue. He was terrified to push him to far. No matter how anyone perceived him, Otabek knew Yuri could be fragile. 

_A: Even if he lashes out at you, you know he won't mean it. _

_O: It's not that. He's hanging on by a thread, I don't want him to snap._

_A: Maybe he needs to. Bottling it all up will only hurt him in the long run. You can take whatever he throws at you and he needs to realise that for himself. He's grown too used to people walking away or leaving him._

How had his little sister gotten so smart? She was the only other person who knew his true feelings towards Yuri and had been encouraging him to come clean for months because he had been moping around. He couldn't count how many times she had called him an idiot since returning from the wedding. 

_O: Thank you for the advice._

_A: Always. And don't think I've forgotten about the universe coming up. You should come back home before then so we can do our ritual._

No way was he getting through the next conversation if he started thinking about Jon. 

Looking to Yuri, he called his name, "Yuri?"

"Hmmm," he replied without taking his eyes from the TV. 

"Before Victor and Yuuri get back, are you going to talk to me?"

"No."

Expecting the flat out refusal, Otabek wasn't discouraged. "Let me rephrase that. Before Victor and Yuuri get back, you are going to talk to me about the video."

"If you're going to be annoying, I'm going up to bed," came his response. "You said you weren't going to make me talk about it."

"Well, I was wrong. I know you're sat there thinking about it, so why can't you translate those thoughts into words?"

Yuri finally looked at him. "And what good is that going to do?"

"Maybe none. Maybe it will make you feel better. Talk to me, Yuri, let me carry this with you. Lean on me."

Eyes blazing, Yuri let rip. "Now you want to talk to me? I've needed you for months, Beka. Getting a flight out here was a nice gesture, but it doesn't make up for the fact you ignore my calls and texts!"

"You know why I did that."

"Now, I do. Beside Victor and Katsuki, you're the only person I have and you know I can't speak to them the way I speak to you. Maybe you should have thought about that before you left me alone for months."

Guilt wormed it's way inside. "I should have, you're right about that."

"I would never have kissed that man if it weren't for you," Yuri spat out, face flushed. "You want me to talk about it? Fine, but you're not going to like what I have to say. I went to that club because of Victor. I kissed that disgusting man because he looked like you. I was running away from the club because I found out he knew who I was and had made himself look like you because he knew I wouldn't be able to resist the bait. I put myself in a dangerous situation because I was lonely, Otabek, because of you. And then to top it all off, I find out there is a video of my humiliation. So yes, I'm fucking furious. I'm furious with you, and Victor and myself. "

Tears streamed down his face as he finished, leaving Otabek speechless. Broken. His selfishness and fear had been the cause of Yuri's pain. "I'm sorry," he mumbled, emotion threatening to overwhelm him. 

Yuri wiped the tears away, "Now do you understand why I didn't want to get into this?"

"Yes," Otabek answered, "but it doesn't change anything. You blame me and now I blame myself. We find a way to move on ."

Pain distorted Yuri's features. "I don't blame you..."

"Yes, you do." How could he not? Everything he had said had been true. 

Yuri moved closer to him, taking his hand. "I want to, but I don't, not really. I've missed you so much and I did feel alone without you in my life, but I made the decision to go out that night. It shouldn't have been a decision that had the consequences it did. Neither me or you are to blame for the action of those fucking assholes. I should be allowed to kiss who I want without getting attacked for it."

"But you kissed him because of me," Otabek said, the knife twisting in his gut. 

"That has nothing to do with me getting beat up for it. I was mad, Beka. I'm not going to lie and pretend that my emotions didn't take me down that route, but the logical part of me knows that it isn't true. I shouldn't have unloaded all that onto you."

"And I shouldn't have left you alone," he said, voice shaking. "I'm sorry, I was so conflicted after our kiss. Selfish." He had been down the friends to lovers road before with Jon and it had nearly destroyed him. Reconnecting with Yuri in Barcelona had ignited a small flame of hope when he had been in a pit of grief and darkness. Thinking back on that time was painful which is why he had avoided telling Yuri about Jon for years. 

Now didn't seem like the right time either, not when Yuri needed him to be strong. 

"I understand," Yuri said, "trust me, I was just as conflicted." A sigh. "I'm scared, Beka. I hate that the video is available for anyone to see. The thought of leaving the house terrifies."

Otabek's heart broke a little more as he gently rested his hand against Yuri's cheek. "Please give yourself a break. Something terrible happened to you; it's going to take more than a few days to heal - in every sense of the word."

Yuri nuzzled his hand. "I'm sorry. I don't want to take my anger out on you of all people."

"I can take it," Otabek assured him, remembering Aylin's text. 

A quiet moment descending upon them stoking memories of the last time their mouths had been so close. Yuri licked his lips, breath growing heavy between them. "I want to kiss you."

"We shouldn't..." Otabek objected weakly. Fuck, he wanted to so badly. "We agree we were going to take our time with this."

"It's just a kiss, Beka."

If it was anything like the kiss they had shared before, it would knock him on his ass and render him speechless for the next three months. 

He shouldn't, they shouldn't...

Sensing Otabek's unnecessary hesitation, Yuri gave him no more time to invent a hundred excuses why they should deny themselves. Curling his fingers into Otabek's shirt, Yuri jerked him closer, bringing their lips together in a whirlwind of heat and need. Better than he remembered. So much better now he had no need to be consumed with guilt afterwards. 

There was no gentle coaxing, there would be plenty of opportunity for that in the future. Right now, Yuri needed Beka like he needed air. 

Disregarding his sore body, he climbed onto Otabek's lap, straddling him, the contact sending a jolt of pleasure to his thickening cock. Beka groaned into his mouth, clamping his hands around Yuri' hips, bringing him closer. Desire wasn't new to him, he had been imagining Beka fucking him for months, years if he were honest, but the intensity of what he experienced in Otabek's arm was much stronger than his imagination. 

Otabek's warm hands slid beneath his t-shirt sending a shiver down his spine. More, he needed more. Yuri rocked against Otabeb, the friction a delicious temptation that he gave himself over to.

His neck stretched upwards as Otabek pressed open mouthed kisses onto the sensitive skin, occasionally nipping as he moved along. “_Beka_.”

A sharp sting fired through his chest as Otabek pinched one of his nipples. Fuck, so hot.

When Beka's hand graze a nasty bruise of his rib he was unable to prevent himself from wincing. "Shit."

Stricken, Otabek stilled, his breathing heaving. "I told you we should wait."

A grin stretched across Yuri's lips. "Is it my fault that you're irresistible?"

"Behave," Otabek growled, "you're testing my control. Get back on your side of the sofa."

Grumbling, Yuri did as he was told. As much as he wanted to continue their make-out session, he couldn't afford to exacerbate his injuries if he wanted to get back on the ice within the week. He settled for leaning in against Otabek's body, snuggling beneath the arm he extended. 

For ten minutes Yuri tried to get back into the movie and failed. "I really can't focus on the TV now."

"You shouldn't have started something you knew we couldn't finish."

Yuri cocked his head, curiosity getting the best of him. "How far would you have gone me with if I wasn't in this state? I know you've dated guys before, has it gone further than that?" 

"Do you want a detailed account of my sexual history?" Otabek asked, with half a laugh.

Deadly serious, Yuri replied, "Yes. It's only fair as you know mine."

"How is that fair? You've never been with anyone."

"You only know that because I told you. I don't want to know details, just a rough figure."

"A rough figure? How many people do you think I've slept with?"

Yuri cheeks grew hot. "I don't know! That's the point. I have no experience. I'm not going to know what I'm doing, it would just make me feel better if I know how much experience you have."

"That's not how it works."

"It's how its going to work with us," Yuri said, annoyed with Otabek's refusal to give him simple information. "Why won't you tell me?"

"I've been in a relationship with a guy before; that's all I'm saying."

_What? When?_ Yuri drew back, jaw slack. "Recently?"

"No. Yuri, I don't want to talk about it." There was something in his tone that warned Yuri to stop pushing. 

So he did, but they would be revisiting the topic of Beka's mystery boyfriend again. "Fine, but if I'm awful at sex, you have to tell me."

With the tension between them relieved, Otabek visibly relaxed. "You're really fucking sexy without even trying. I don't think you're going to have any problems in that area."

"Do you think so? The media still refers to me as the Russian Fairy," Yuri reminded him with disgust.

Pressing a quick kiss to his lips, Otabek grinned. "Yes, I think so. I know you don't see it and probably never will, but there is something about you that draws people in. You have a raw appeal that gets me every time I look at you. Sex is rarely as perfect as it seems in works of fiction. As long as it feels good, we'll be doing it right”, he paused, “Besides, you don't need to worry about it yet, I told you we're taking this slowly."

"Why do you get to decide that?" Yuri asked sulkily. He had been waiting for so long already. 

"Because I want you to be sure, Yura. I couldn't take it if you regretted the decision. There's no rush - you're the only person I want to be with."

Yuri had every reason to trust him, but Otabek’s reluctance to tell him of his past relationships was a concern. Yuri had thought they knew everything about each other, so why wasn’t he aware that Otabek had been in a relationship with a guy before?

It made him wonder how it had ended, who the guy had been, why Otabek had never mentioned it before? If it were public knowledge, Yuri would have heard about it. Something just didn’t seem right about the situation.

No, he needed to stop before he ruined _their_ relationship before it started. He had to trust Beka until he had a reason not to. Beka was good; he would never do anything to intentionally hurt him unlike so many other people who had been in his life.

Otabek took hold of his chin with gentle hands. “Are we good?”

Yuri search Beka’s face, for what exactly he didn’t know. _Please don’t hurt me. _“We’re good.”


	6. Outside

The next two days stirred a mixture of emotions for Yuri. Spending quality time with Otabek was awesome; they caught up on each other's lives, speculated about the other skater's routines for the Grand Prix and generally just enjoyed each other's presence. Whenever Yuri would start to get a little testy from being (willingly) cooped up in the house, Otabek would find a way to distract him. Usually his methods involved kissing. 

Which was as frustrating as hell! 

His body was needy and the prolonged exposure to Beka was killing him because the stubborn man wouldn't let up on his 'go slow' policy. 

Though it was frustrating, it was probably a good job that Otabek was being so strict. Yuri's injuries were healing, but he was nowhere near ready to engage in vigorous exercise. When they finally did have sex, he didn't want Otabek to spend the entire time worrying about him. 

He already worried enough due to Yuri's nightmares. Each night Beka would insist on going back to him own room next door, but halfway through the night he would run into Yuri's room when he started crying out in his sleep. It was fucking embarrassing and because they kept happening, his friends were convinced he needed to speak to a professional about the attack. The thought of it made him want to cut his own spleen out. Talking to a stranger wasn't going to fix his problems - time and avoidance had worked well enough for him in the past. 

It pissed him off that he finally had Otabek to himself and their time was being hindered by the bullshit attack. But if it hadn't have happened, then the chances of him and Beka admitting their feelings anytime in the next decade would have been slim. It terrified him to think that they could have allowed themselves to grow apart to the point where they didn't communicate at all. Years later social media might have alerted him that Beka had married someone else.

Katsuki clicked his fingers in front of Yuri's face. "Are you okay? We don't have to go, you know."

Shit, he had spaced out. Victor and Otabek had left earlier for a training session at the rink and Yuri had decided it was time to face his fears. He was desperate to see Beka skate again; he had missed watching him so bad. 

"We're going."

A worried expression from Katsuki as he put on his coat. "Are you sure? There could be reporters and fans - a few have been hanging around here and the rink. We don't have to go."

Fear lodged itself in his throat; he didn't want to face anyone. "I can't hide in here forever. If I do that, I let them win."

"No one expects you to carry on with your life as if nothing happened. You can take a minute to process it, deal with it."

"I've had three days." If he waited any longer, it would only be more difficult. 

Throwing his hoodie on, he picked up his sunglasses from the table. 

"I still think we should have told Otabek and Victor we were coming," Katsuki whined, patting Makkachin on the head.

The man was testing his last reserve of patience. "Why? They're not our keepers."

Katsuki levelled him with a look. "You know Otabek would want to be with you for this and Victor is also extremely protective of you. They should be with you."

That was precisely why he hadn't told them what he was planning. He had to prove to himself that he could do it without anyone's help. Deep down he knew Katsuki understood or he would have called Victor the moment Yuri had proposed the plan. 

"Whatever happens, let me handle it," Yuri told him, hoping that his instincts were right. He had a feeling Katsuki was much less likely to intervene on his behalf than either Otabek or Victor. Not because he cared about any Yuri less, but he because he understood that being protected could sometimes become a prison. 

"I already said I would. Otabek is not going to be happy about this."

Yuri rolled his eyes. "So?"

"I thought you might actually listen to him now that you've stopped dancing around each other and admitted how you felt."

"Do you do everything Victor says just because you're married to him?"

"No," Katsuki answered quickly, "of course not. But we've rarely been a position where my safety has been called into question. I would take his opinion into account in those matters."

"You're being dramatic," Yuri said, walking to the door, ignoring the ball of nerves pressing on his chest. "I'm not in danger."

"Facing the world before you're ready could be dangerous to your recovery."

Yuri turned to face him, "Will you stop? If you're going to be this annoying, you can just stay here. I'll go by myself."

"No!"

"Then stop. I've made my decision. You can either come with me and shut up or stay here." Yanking open the door, Yuri didn't bother to wait and listen to his response. The situation was already stressful enough without the vocalisation of all the doubts spinning around in his head. 

The fresh, crisp air hit his face with a cold slap. Thankfully, there wasn't another soul in sight. Door clicking behind him, Katsuki had decided to join him after all.

It was only a ten-minute walk to the rink from the house. As those minutes passed without incident his anxiety lessened a fraction. 

"So you and Otabek," Katsuki declared out of nowhere. 

Yuri spared him a glance. "Do you have a problem with that?"

"No. I think it's great actually. You're good for each other - he can be too serious and you too impulsive."

"Thanks," Yuri replied dryly. 

"It's good to be with someone who challenges you. Victor brings me out of my shell and I step in when he's being overly dramatic about choosing between two types of bread or something similarly as ridiculous."

Yuri sniggered, "He is a drama queen."

"And I love him for it. Most of the time."

Yuri chuckled, aware what a job Katsuki had keeping Victor on this earth. "Don't the differences between you ever become too much of a hurdle?" 

"In the beginning it could be difficult," Katsuki said with thought, "but there is a word - compromise. Ever heard of it?" 

Bumping Katsuki on the shoulder, he chuckled. "No."

"Didn't think so."

"YURI! YURI!" a loud squealing voice exploded from in front of him. They had just stepped around the corner and could see the rink a couple of hundred yards in front; a group of teenage girls were crowded near the entrance. Fuck. As much as he appreciated his fans and their dedication, it was definitely not what he needed right now.

Worse still, they weren't the only ones who were waiting for an opportunity to get a glimpse of him. There were a bunch of reporters who had been alerted to his presence by the Angel's.

Before he could do anything, they were all on him. The bruises on his face seemed to throb under the scrutiny. Yuri grabbed Katsuki's arm and pulled him through the gathering crowd, ignoring the questions being flung his way. He could barely breath; it took all of his effort to push his way through the bodies and flashing cameras.

He would give a statement when and if he was fucking ready; he wasn't going to backed into a corner by the public or the media. 

His resolve didn't stop the panic that was building deep inside. Outwardly, he plastered on his usual stony expression and continued on, grateful that the door was only a couple of feet away. But inside, where no one could see, he was reeling. Brimming with anxiety. 

This had been a bad idea. Such a fucking bad idea. 

That thought was only compounded by a sharp elbow to his tender ribs. The burst of pain stole what little breath he had been able to hold onto and he started to spiral into full blown panic. 

_I can't do this. I can't do this. Too many of them. Helpless. _

Familiar hands pushed him along. _Katsuki. _

The touch restored a little of his equilibrium and they managed to reach the doors. 

By the time he crossed the thresehold, Yuri's body was out of whack. Hot and then cold. Cold and then hot. 

He was distantly aware of Katsuki issuing orders to someone and guiding him towards the locker room. "You're okay, Yuri."

No, he wasn't. 

Katsuki pushed him onto the bench, crouching down in front of him. "Yuri, talk to me."

No words would come out. He had to focus on breathing or he would pass out. 

A few seconds later the door flew open, a concerned Otabek rushing into the room, followed by Victor. 

Otabek came to his side, his expression hard to read in Yuri's current state. "What are you doing here? What happened?"

He didn't think he could take Beka's anger so he just shook his head. 

Katuki was next in the firing line. "What happened?" Otabek asked him with a hard edge.

"Yurio wanted to come and watch you practice. There was a bunch of people outside - they swarmed us as we entered."

Victor interjected. "We would have told you about them if you had bothered to let us know you were coming."

Katsuki shot him a look. "Yuri asked me not to."

Otabek scoffed. "He's not in a position to make decisions clearly."

His own anger stoked by that comment, Yuri jumped from the seat. At least he felt a little steadier. "Fuck you. I'm perfectly capable of making decisions."

Rising, Otabek stood toe to toe with him. "Looks like it. You made a rash decision and didn't consider the consequences. You never do!" 

Victor slid between them, placing a hand on Otabek's chest. "I know you're worried for him, but yelling isn't helping. You need to cool down or leave."

"Leave," Yuri ordered, making the decision for him. Asshole. He had been counting on falling into Beka's arm as soon as he got inside the building, drawing comfort from the one person who supposedly understood him. If that were true, he would know that Yuri was holding himself together by a thread. 

Otabek crossed his arms, staring them both down. "I'm staying. I'm calm - I'm just frustrated." He looked to Yuri, "I told you I wanted be there when..."

"I don't really give a shit about what you wanted," Yuri flung at him, disappointed. 

Pain splintered across Beka's face. "That's not what I meant. Yuri, where are you..."

Shouldering passed his friends, he stormed from the locker room, instinct guiding him to the ice. If they had any sense, they would leave him alone for a while. Walking through the familiar corridors, he found a secluded spot rinkside and decided to watch as some of the other skater's practiced. It was the closest he was going to get to enjoying the sensation until the end of the week. 

He quickly honed in on Dimitri, an up and coming skater. Yuri thought he was about sixteen, but he couldn't quite remember. They had spoken on a few occasions and he had been okay. A bit of a fanboy, but okay as far as people went. The kid was talented showing a great deal of promise. Not as good as Yuri was at his age, but who was?

Close to the ice, attention enveloped by Dimitri, he began to calm down, his racing heart slowing down to a normal pace. Watching him jump and glide through the air with precision and grace was making him envious, but he would take the jealously over a panic attack any day. 

"He's good, is he not?" Mila's voice shook him from his reverie, earning the beauty a scowl. 

"He's got a long way to go, but I can see the potential."

Mila laughed, "He's a big fan of yours. You should indulge him a little, like Victor did for you."

"No."

He was left open mouthed when Mila snatched the sunglasses from his face, wincing as she took in his battered appearance. "You're precious face. You're too pretty to be covered in such bruises."

"So it would be okay if I was ugly?" Yuri challenged, annoyed by the ridiculousness of her words. No one deserved to be beaten for something they had no control over. 

She handed him back the glasses. "No. No," she repeated. "I just hate to see you like this. I would like to get my hands on the scum who think they can put their hands on you."

Yuri was slightly taken by her anger. They were friendly, friends he supposed. But he hadn't expected the outrage on his behalf. "What would you do to them?"

"I have very sharp blades on my skates," she pointed out. Yuri had to admire her bloodthirst. "So... Otabek's here."

Yuri groaned. Why was everyone so interested in his love life? Did he even have one anymore after whatever the hell had just happened? "It's complicated."

"It would be with you."

"Hey," he snapped, "he's just as fucking annoying as I am." 

"I highly doubt that," she smiled. 

Yuri gave her the finger. Sighed. Told her what had happened. "I'm worried we're making a mistake. I needed him and he blew up at me. If we weren't trying to make this thing work between us, I would have had my friend to comfort me."

"It's going to take a while to adjust," Mila said, sounding way more mature than he thought her capable of. "Don't judge him too harshly, Yuri. He's a protector, it's in his nature. He cares about you a lot and you're recovering from an attack. His emotions are going to be heightened. And don't tell me you didn't know he would be mad. You knew how he would react and you still went through with the stupid plan anyway."

"But it was my decision to make."

"Perhaps, but when you're in a relationship, some decisions affect both of you. If you thought Otabek was purposely putting himself in a difficult position, wouldn't you be angry with him? Your pain is his pain," she said softly, a far away look in her eye. Yuri got the impression she was talking from experience. 

Maybe she was right, but..."He's still an asshole."

"I'm not going to argue with you there. He should have locked down everything else and been there for you." Out of the corner of his eye, he saw Otabek on the other side of the rink. "Lover boy's looking for you."

Yuri was conflicted. On one hand he did want to be alone, work through the shit that was going on inside his head and on the other, he just wanted Beka. 

"Do you want me to send him over?" Mila asked, already walking away. 

"Yes," he answered without thinking too much about it. 


	7. Heated

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Explicit Rating Kicks In...

_I fucked up._

The thought was crystal clear as he walked towards the seat Yuri had taken, lines of strain apparent on that stunning face of his. 

He had fucked up; he'd known it even as he was doing it, unable to stop himself. But the spike of sheer terror he had experience when one of the employees had told him what had happened had ripped away any rational thought from his mind. 

Looking at his hands, Yuri didn't acknowledge his presence so Otabek sat down beside him, noting that Yuri was still shaking from the ordeal. He had fucked up so bad. Guilt swarmed into his consciousness - all Yuri had needed in that locker room to was to know he was safe, and Otabek had made him feel anything but. 

Relying on instinct, he slid his hand onto Yuri's bouncing knee. Yuri froze, eying him with caution.

"I'm sorry." The words felt inadequate because they were. Better than anyone he knew Yuri had a hard time trusting. He had worked hard over the years to ensure that he earned Yuri's trust and the last couple of months he had been shitting all over it. 

"Forget about it," Yuri said, voice devoid of emotion. 

Otabek closed his eyes at the brush off. "I won't because I hurt you. My anger wasn't at you, Yura."

"Seemed like it was," Yuri mumbled, still avoiding eye contact. 

He had no defence against that. "Okay, I suppose I was, but only because I think you're trying to prove a point when no one is asking you to. You know I would have helped you through that if you let me. Why do you insist on doing everything on your own?"

Yuri looked at him as if he were an idiot. "Because I've always had to."

"You don't have to anymore," Otabek assured him. 

"Yes, I do. You'll be going home soon. I can't rely on you for this kind of stuff. I need to be able to go outside by myself."

_I can't rely on you._

Those words twisted a knife in his gut; they were true. He would have to go home in a matter of weeks. Sure, he would be able to speak to Yuri, check in and see how he was doing, but it wasn't the same as physically being with him. 

Yuri continued, "But that's a separate issue. One we're going to have to figure out as we go," he paused before talking again, "I just needed you to hold me."

Otabek's heart squeezed painfully. "I know. I can't explain myself - anything could have happened to you. Whether you want to admit it or not, you're vulnerable right now. I want to protect you, I always have."

"I get that, but you also need to trust that I can handle my own shit, Beka. Yes, I put myself in a crazy situation - maybe too prematurely - but I needed to prove to myself that I could. It's never been about proving myself to other people, it's about the expectations I have of myself."

"The cost is too great sometimes," Otabek said, his voice trembling. He had seen in dozens of times, Yuri pushing himself to his mental and physical limits. Burning out after a gruelling completion. Splintering apart after the monthly dinner he forced himself to have with his mother. To Otabek, the things Yuri demanded of himself seemed senseless at times and the consequences to his mind and body, too severe. "My reaction was stronger than it has been in the past because now you're finally mine, but you've always known who I am. I've never supported the way you punish yourself and I never will."

"I don't punish myself -"

Otabek challenged him, "Don't you? I won't stand by whilst you put yourself in unnecessary pain." He had already done that once before and it had eviscerated him. Yuri wasn't as reckless with his life as Jon had been, but there were certainly similarities that he couldn't ignore. 

Yuri surprised him by admitting, "I have a lot to work on."

"So do I. In the future I will won't yell at you until I know you're okay."

Yuri's lips curved at that. "Thanks. Katsuki said that if we're in a relationship, I need to take your opinion into account, that my pain is your pain. Is that true?"

Otabek drew Yuri into his arms, kissing his neck, so glad when he didn't try to pull away. "So fucking true. It's worse because I can take my pain, I can't handle yours. I can't, Yura - I need you to think about that in the future."

He felt Yuri nod against his shoulder filling him with a sense of relief. Working the kinks out of their relationship was going to take time, but Yuri had just showed him that he was willing to put in the work, rather than leave it in the dust. 

Otabek took the sunglasses from Yuri's face and set them down on the vacant seat next to them. Uncaring of who was watching them, he swept his tongue into Yuri's mouth, loving the way he instantanriously responded. All the tension drained from Yuri's body as he become consumed by the kiss, Otabek's primary intention. 

A pericing whistle rang through the air, startling the pair of them. Otabek glanced across the rink, certain it had been Mila who was currently stood waving at them. 

Yuri pressed his forehead to Otabek's. "Are you going to give me what I came here for?"

Smiling, Otabek pressed another kiss to hips lip. "Sure. You're honesty tongue will be much appreciated."

"I hope you always appreciate my tongue," Yuri laughed, winking at him. 

They were going to be okay. 

Leaving the rink was a lot less traumatic than arriving. 

With Victor, Katsuki and Otabek surrounding him on all sides, he was safe. It was only then he realised how stubborn he had been by insisting on doing it alone the first time. Yes, he would have to be alone outside again in the near future, but throwing himself into an uncontrolled situation like that had been stupid. Pointless. Damaging, just like his friends had insisted it would be. 

But the ordeal had allowed him to watch Otabek skate in person and as always, he had been left impressed. What Otabek lacked in flexibly, he always made up for in emotion and precision. Yuri had been glued, and a little in awe he was lucky enough have such a man. His skating was full of integrity which was simply an extension of the man; Yuri loved both.

By the time they got home, all he wanted was a relaxing soak in the bath. The four of them ate a quick dinner together before Yuri excused himself for that bath. 

He had just stripped out of his t-shirt when there was a knock on the door. Frowning, he opened it, finding Otabek on the other side, his heated eyes immediately roaming over his bare chest. 

Yuri cocked his head, lips quirking. "What are you doing here?"

"Thought I could scrub your back to make up for my behaviour this afternoon."

Beckoning him in, Yuri closed the door behind them. 

Otabek had him up against the wall in seconds, stealing his breath and scrambling his thoughts. It didn't take long for his cock to pay attention to Otabek's caresses. 

Yuri tore his mouth away from Beka's, "Don't you dare get me all worked up to leave me hanging."

In response, Otabek began unbuckling Yuri's belt, shocking the hell out of him. There had been a few instances of heavy petting and a lot of kissing, but Beka had stopped anything else from going 'too far', whatever the hell that meant. 

Dropping to his knees, Otabek yanked Yuri's jeans down his legs, with his boxers quickly following, throwing the clothing behind his shoulder. Anticipation flooded his veins, surely Otabek wasn't going to....?

"Fuck," he bit out when Beka closed his mouth around the head of his cock. The foreign sensation was almost too for much for him to handle, he could have easily come within seconds. Willpower - a hellava lot of it - stopped him, but it didn't prevent the strangled sound coming from his throat as Beka began working him over.

Yuri had never experienced anything like it. For years he'd been content with letting of some steam with his own hands, Otabek starring in his fantasies so having him actually go down on him in real life was surreal as fuck.

His hand automatically found Otabek's scalp, flexing into his hair. A low moan escaped his lips when he hit the back of Beka's throat. So fucking good. The pleasure too intense for him to have any kind of stamina. "Beka..."

All of his muscles were locked in expectation as he mindlessly thrust his hips in time with the sensual assault Beka inflicted. 

He wasn't going to last much longer. 

He never wanted it to end. 

A protest welled when Otabek's mouth left him, confusion rising as Yuri watched him coat his own fingers in spit. Brown eyes met his. "If you want me to stop, tell me."

Understanding dawned. Yuri jerked out a nod, barely having time to process what was happening before Otabek's wet mouth was sucking his cock again and his finger was probing Yuri's entrance. Yuri jolted, smouldering heat pumping to every cell in his body. His knees weakened at the welcome invasion, a small part of him still unable to believe that Otabek - _his Beka_ \- was fingering him. 

He had done it himself a few times, but it hadn't felt like this. Being completely exposed whilst Otabek was fully clothed only compounded his desire. 

Soon coherent thought became impossible. There was only sensation, pleasure, feeling as Yuri gave himself over to Beka's control. 

Otabek's exploring fingers found his prostate and he was gone. 

Fucking. Gone. 

Nothing could have prevented the intense orgasm that blasted through him, sending spurts of cum down Otabek's open throat. Yuri cried out, totally beyond being awkward or embarrassed by the sounds coming from his mouth. 

The back of his head hit the wall, muscles uncoiling. "I...that was..."

Otabek kissed his though, removing his fingers. "Are you okay?"

Wrecked, Yuri slid down the wall. He expected the cold tiles to freeze his bare-ass, but Otabek pulled Yuri onto his lap before that could happened, wrapping his strong arms his waist. Yuri dropped his head to Beka's shoulder, feeling weightless. Relaxed. 

And kind of stunned. "I'm good - you just sucked my dick."

Otabek chuckled, running his hands over Yuri's back, sending shivers dancing across his skin. "I did more than that, but yeah."

"You're hard," Yuri pointed out, lamely. The truth was he wanted to reciperate, but he wasn't sure he could actually move and he had no experience. No way he could just do what Beka had done so perfectly. 

Hot air caressed his ear, "Wanna watch me jerk off?"

"I can.." he started to offer.

Otabek silence him. "I don't want you to do anything until you're comfortable. Honestly, having your eyes on me whilst I touch myself will be everything I need right now. You're so fucking hot when you look at me. I don't know if you're aware you're even do it, but your eyes are begging me to fuck you all the time. You have no idea what that does to me."

He totally knew he was doing it. "If I want to can I touch you?"

"You can do whatever you to me," Otabek laugh, a little breathless.

"Can I fuck you? Not now," he wasn't capable after the orgasm he had just had, "in the future? I want to try it."

Otabek took his lips with care. "I told you, you can do whatever you want to me. I like it both ways - I think you will too. We can work up to it." A pain expression flashed across his face when Yuri shifted, " Right now, I really need to come."

He was finally - finally! - going to see Otabek's cock. Excitement roared to life, reigniting his satiated body. 

"Run the bath whilst I undress," Beka ordered, the authority in his tone such a fucking turn on. 

Yuri scrambled up, eager to do as he was told as long as it meant getting to see Beka naked. Years of imagining, wondering, driving himself crazy and he on the verge of knowing. 

Otabek watched Yuri with half a smile. It was all he could manage with his erection straining uncomfortably against his pants. Stripping quickly, he fisted his cock, meeting Yuri's eyes as he turned back around. 

He had always appreciated Yuri's form, the strength and power packed within the lithe body. But fuck, he had been blown away by the sight of him without a stitch of clothing on. The only thing that soured his mood was the bruising spread throughout Yuri's body.

Bare, the evidence of the attack was splayed out in front of him and it was difficult to stomach. Difficult to clamp down on the anger it evoked. 

Yuri licked his lips, eyes travelling down Otabek's torso. Downwards. "I...I need to touch you." 

Otabek stepped into Yuri's space, attempting to keep his tone even. It was almost impossible whilst thinking about Yuri's hands on him. "Go ahead."

His long fingers glided against Otabek's head, drawing him in close so that their lips met. Yuri kissed like he skated, pouring his every emotion into the act. 

"You're so fucking hot, Beka," Yuri whispered between breaths, hands now gliding across his overheating skin.

He was at his limits. With the taste of Yuri still in his mouth, the memory of his ass constricting around his fingers, Otabek knew his throbbing cock was going to explode the moment Yuri touched him. 

Otabek was under no illusion that he was in control here. It was true that he was more experience, but Yuri was the devil with an angel's face. He knew exactly what he was doing by rubbing himself against Otabek, he was aware how sensitive his neck was as he kissed Otabek there, driving him wild with lust. 

Somehow he knew that looking into Otabek's eyes when took hold of his dick for the first time would ruin him. 

And then he started to pump with deliberately slow movements. 

"Yura, don't tease..." 

An innocent expression. "You keep insisting that we go slow, that's all I'm doing."

He couldn't wait for the day he could fuck some obedience into Yuri! 

"I think that ship sailed when I put my fingers in your ass and swallowed your cum," he grated out.

A rosy blush appeared on Yuri's cheeks. "You said I could do whatever I want to you," Yuri reminded him, voice light though Otabek could tell their little power play was turning him on too. 

"I could take care of myself..."

A animalistic sound escaped Yuri's lips and Otabek was pushed against the wall in a flurry of movement, Yuri's hand tightening around his cock, the other caging his throat. "Don't you dare. This," Yuri swiped his thumb of the head, spreading the beads of pre-cum, "is mine. "

The unexpected show of possessiveness and aggression had blood thundering in his ears. He hadn't expected Yuri to be passive, but fuck, this was hot. 

Otabek bit his lip, nodded, eyes never leaving Yuri's as he continued to stroke his cock. So slowly. 

Just when he thought he was going to lose what was left of his sanity, Yuri took mercy on him and increase his tempo and adding welcome pressure. His hips moved in tandem with Yuri's hand, untamed, the movements growing more ferocious as his orgasm approached. 

Yuri's mouth came close to his ear, "I loved your fingers slipping inside of me. I can't wait to feel your cock, stretching me so good. You'll be the first..."

Fuck. Yes. Otabek gripped Yuri's arm as he came, fearing that he wouldn't have the strength to keep himself up right. His breath faltered as Yuri continued to pump him, wringing every single ounce of cum from him. He almost had an aneurysm when Yuri brought his soiled hand to his lips and licked. "Hmmm. Nice."

High from the experienced they had just shared, Otabek barked out a laugh before slipping his hands around Yuri's waist and pulling him close. "You're dangerous." 

"I liked being in control of you," Yuri said, nuzzling his neck. "You're always so...unaffected."

Otabek pinched Yuri's amazing ass-cheek in rebuke. "I'm never unaffected by you. I just don't like everyone - the world - knowing my business."

"So do you want to keep this quiet?" Yuri asked, moving out of his embrace and turning the tap off. His tone was curious, not giving anything away as to how he felt about the idea.

Whilst Otabek wasn't the biggest fan of PDA or the world knowing who he was fucking, he couldn't stand the thought of others coming onto Yuri. It was much less likely to happen if they knew he was in a relationship. "I don't have a problem with being honest about our relationship."

A predatory smile lit up Yuri's face. "Does that mean I can post a photo of us?"

He would never get Yuri's obsession with social media, but..."Yes."

"Now?" He was already rummaging through his jeans to find his phone. 

Otabek laughed, "You want to give our fans a full frontal?"

"No," Yuri scowled, "I'm the only one who gets to see you this way. Get in the bath," he ordered. Otabek did as instructed, loving the way the hot water lapped across his skin and the fact the Yuri couldn't tears his eyes away from him. 

Yuri followed him, settling between his legs with his back to Otabek's chest. Luckily the rub was large enough to fit them in and afford them some comfort. Yuri started posing for a selfie leaving Otabek at a loss; he'd never been any good in front of the camera. Not the effortless way Yuri was. 

"I can't get a good angle, you take it!" Yuri said, handing him the phone. 

"You know I'm shit at..."

Yuri shhhed him. "Just take the damn photo and then we can get to other things."

Resigned, Otabek held out his arm and snapped the photo, simultaneously pressing his lips to Yuri's cheek. At least this way only half his face had to be in the fucking thing.

Yuri snatched the phone from him, inspecting the image. Otabek looked at himself, surprised to find that he actually like it. It showed a couple who were wrapped up in each other, Yuri with a seductive slant to his lips and Otabek consumed by the man in his arms. "Good enough?"

"I love it," Yuri answered with such purity. He spent a couple of minutes tagging and captioning before he announced, "All done."

Yuri slid down a little, allowing Otabek to circle his arms around his shoulders. 

"Beka?" Yuri spoke after a few moments. 

"Hmm?"

"I can't wait for you to fuck me."

Otabek tightened his hold. "Me either. Me either."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Got a bit carried away with this chapter... haha


	8. Waking Up

Waking next to Otabek was a surreal experience. They had been sharing a bed for the last five nights, since the day Yuri had gone to the rink, the subsequent fight and make-up. A part of Yuri had thought he'd hate it because he had been sleeping alone for so long, but the small inconveniences it caused - the overheating, waking multiple times a night - were nothing compared to the benefits of the intimacy it evoked.

Yuri had made the decision to move back into his own apartment. It was mainly spurred by the desire to have Beka all to himself for the rest of his time in Russia. With their busy schedules, they could end up being apart for months so he wanted to make the most of the time they had together. 

The privacy was welcome, giving them opportunity to learn each other's bodies without sneaking away from prying eyes. He loved Victor and Katsuki, but living with them reminding him of living with a parents. They weren't disapproving; the exact opposite in fact. Way too interested in his relationship with Otabek. 

He and Otabek needed a little space to work out what a romantic relationship meant for them, figure how to transition from friendship to lovers. Also, he was just done with trying to be quiet when Otabek's mouth was around his cock. Going back home gave him the freedom to make as much noise as he wanted to. 

In other news, he had been given the go ahead by his doctors to get back on the ice. It couldn't have come at a better time; the same day he'd received a call informing him that the men who had attacked him were going to get away with it. Some cliché bullshit about one of their fathers holding clout high up the political food chain.

So he could pursue action against them, but there would be a chance that his career would suffer and he wasn’t willing to take that risk. There wasn’t a back up for him. He had dedicated his life to skating; if he lost it – he couldn’t even think about it.

He hadn't told anyone about the call yet, not even Otabek. Honestly, a part of him was glad he wouldn't have to deal with it all. The more bloodthirsty side of him wanted to track them down and deliver his own brand of justice. Neither of strands of thought were particular healthy so he decided to keep it to himself until he knew how he felt about it. 

"I can hear you scowling at the ceiling," Otabek grumbled in his ear, tightening his arms around Yuri's waist, drawing him closing. 

Yuri loved his gruff morning voice. "I'm thinking, not scowling." In punishment, Yuri rubbed his ass against Otabek's stiff cock. 

Otabek's breath hitched. "I think I've created a monster." 

"If you would just give in and fuck me, maybe I would be fully satisfied."

Yuri suppressed a squeal when Beka's hand clamped over his balls in a strong vice. "Wanna say that again?"

Squirming, Yuri tried to backtrack, "I'm ready. You know I'm ready. I just want to feel you inside of me." Otabek's cock slipped between his ass cheeks, the sensation so delicious that goosebumps broke out all over his skin. "You're such a fucking tease."

"Me?" Beka nipped his shoulder. "I think we both know who the real tease is, walking around in next to nothing all the time."

"That's not teasing," Yuri challenged, "I'm used to walking around my apartment naked. Can't help it if you're not willing to take what is yours."

They’d had this same conversation daily since Otabek had made a move on him in the bathroom. As much as he wanted to take the next step and convince Beka to fuck him, it was fun interacting with him this way; it felt like a game of seduction and they both knew that there would be no loser at the end.

Beka rose on top of him, the weight of his body pressing down on him, feeling so fucking good. He swiped Yuri’s messy bed hair away from his face and took his mouth. “You’re so impatient.”

“You’re leaving soon,” Yuri blurted out, wanting to take the words back as soon as they left his mouth. They had been shying away from the subject for both of their sake’s. “I don’t want to waste time.”

Otabek’s thumb stroked his cheek as he asked, “Do you really feel like we’re wasting time? Despite the circumstances that brought me here, I’ve had the best time with you.”

“Me too. I don’t feel like we’ve been wasting time. I just… I’m trying not to think about you leaving. We’re finally together, Beka and we live so far apart. It hurt when we were friends and I couldn’t see you whenever I wanted.” He left the rest unsaid. It was going to kill him to be so far away from Otabek; he didn’t need to unload that onto his lover.

“Having sex isn’t going to get rid of that feeling,” Otabek said softly, “it’s probably going to make it worse.”

“I know. I do. I just want you. I’ve always wanted you.”

Otabek laughed. “You didn’t even remember who I was when we met in Barcelona. What would you say if I told you I had a date night planned for tomorrow evening?”

Yuri’s eyes lit up. “I would say that you don’t have to do that, but I’m incredibly lucky that you’re the type of guy who would.”

“You deserved to be taken out.”

“No,” Yuri protested, “I don’t. I should be taking you out after you flew to Russia without a second thought. I know I’ve been hard to deal with at times.”

An understatement. The lack of activity gave him too much time to think about shit he would rather stay buried, making him irritable.

“We’ve been friends for a long time now. I knew exactly what I was letting myself in for coming here. You’re a grouch when you can’t skate.”

Another understatement. Otabek was giving him way more credit than he deserved, as usual. Instead of dwelling on his behaviour, he decided to look forward. “So is the date your way of saying that we can finally have sex?”

“Yes, but please be sure, Yura. I don’t want you ever to regret it.”

Yuri circled his legs around Otabek’s waist, tugging him a little closer. “No matter what happens between us in the future, I could never regret my first time being with you. Do you think there is anyone else who could handle the job?”

Otabek scowled, squeezing him tightly. “No one else is touching you.”

“No, they’re not,” Yuri agreed, insanely turned on by Beka’s jealous streak. It wasn’t something he had come up against before and he had to admit it gave him a thrill that Otabek was a little possessive. “I’m not going to be able to concentrate on practice for the next two days now I know you have something planned.”

“We’ll call it a punishment for your impatience.”

Yuri arched a brow, “Is this your way of trying to keep me in line?”

Otabek took his lips, ignoring the question. They both knew that Otabek was the only person alive that Yuri truly listened to. Victor and Katsuki were close friends, and he had others from the skating world, but he had never connected with anyone the way he had with Otabek.

Yuri allowed himself to be pulled in by the increasingly heated kiss, letting his thoughts drift away into the background, enjoying the sensations that erupted in his body as Otabek ground against him.

The man was a fucking tease, no matter how much he tried to protest his innocence.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for the short chapter and delayed posting! Kind of hit a brick wall so not the best chapter ever, but trying to crash through the block!


	9. A Bump In The Road

Landing a jump, Otabek’s head flew around at the sound of Yuri’s startled cry. His eye found Yuri just as he crashed to the floor for the forth time in the last half an hour. Upset, Otabek rushed to Yuri’s side, kneeling beside him.

“Are you okay?” he asked, a bite of frustration in his tone.

Yuri’s face twisted in disgust. “No, I’m not fucking okay. Can’t even land an easy jump. Fuck!” he shouted, pounding his fist against the ice.

Otabek slid his arm around Yuri’s waste, helping him up. “Calm down. You shouldn’t even be attempting these difficult moves. You’re not fully healed; you’re going to end up doing more damage to yourself.”

Yuri shot him daggers, shrugging out of his hold. “Don’t start with me again.”

Yesterday morning they had been in perfect harmony with each other and then at the rink, Yuri had decided to become a complete asshole and ignore the doctor’s order about taking it easy.

His own anger rising, Otabek snapped back. “The pissy attitude won’t work with me. Stop pushing yourself too hard or I’ll be talking to your coaches about benching you.”

They were no where to be seen at the moment, but he knew they were around. The threat wasn’t idle; Yuri was so reckless in his pursuit for perfection, he didn’t care about the cost to his body. It was difficult to watch.

“You wouldn’t,” Yuri began.

Doing a quick scan of his body for injuries, Otabek went toe to toe with him. “Oh, I would. I’m not fucking around when it comes to your health and neither should you.”

For the past two days, he had watched Yuri punish himself for being unable to skate, for being behind on his routine through no fault of his own. Attempting combinations and jumps that were almost impossible for anyone else to pull off in top form.

Keeping quiet had been challenging, but he had understood Yuri’s reasoning. Now it was time to step in; he wasn’t going to allow Yuri to destroy his body or potentially his career by moving too fast too soon.

“I know how hard this had been for you, but you need to understand that I can’t just stand back and watch you injure yourself further.”

“You’re the one person who is supposed to be on my side.” Yuri said furiously, his cheeks becoming heated. “You can’t understand what this is like, you’re fucking perfect. You have a life to fall back on, all I have is skating.”

Otabek’s control broke. “I am on your side! Grow up, Yuri. You’re killing yourself out here for no reason other than your own ego. If you don’t know that I’m on your side by now, I don’t know what the hell we’re doing.”

Before Yuri could say another word, Otabek turned and sped away, needing some time alone. As much as he loved Yuri – because he did, there was no denying it – he was self-aware enough to admit that their personalities were at odds with each other a lot of the time. Understanding Yuri’s motivations didn’t make his self-destructive actions any easier to deal with.

Leaving the ice, Otabek headed towards the locker room, becoming embarrassed when he found Victor and Yuuri locked in an embrace. He was also a little envious that they had reached the point in their relationship where they had worked through the kinks.

“Sorry,” he mumbled, trying to avert his eyes.

Victor simply laughed. “No need to be sorry. We forget ourselves sometimes.” His expression sobered when he realised the waves of irritation coming from Otabek. “Are you alright?”

Sighing, Otabek lowered himself to the bench. All the worries he had about Yuri were on the tip of his tongue. Loyalty kept the words from spilling over. He knew Victor well enough to know that he wouldn’t allow Yuri to step foot on the ice if he caught wind of how far he was pushing himself to make up the time he had lost over the past week.

Yuri knew it too because he never attempted that shit when Victor’s eyes were on him.

“I’m fine,” he answered – it was his standard response. A rehearsed, practiced one Victor would know was bullshit.

Lucky the man didn’t feel like investigating any further. “We should get back to Yuri. Are you sticking around for the rest of the day?” Otabek glanced at his watch, only just realising how early it was. Just after noon.

He should stay and get the practice in, but giving himself some time alone would be more beneficial in his current mindset. His concentration was shot to hell, he couldn’t focus on his routine when he was waiting for Yuri to fall again, praying that the next time he wouldn’t fall and seriously injure himself.

“No, we need a few groceries and I have a few errands to run. Tell Yuri I’ll meet him back at home.”

Yuuri nodded, thought it was evident that he knew something was up. “We’ll let him know. I know we’re close to Yurio, but you can talk to us if there is anything bothering you. Without your friends and family here, I can imagine it gets lonely at times.”

The truth was that it didn’t, not unless he was fighting with Yuri. Of course he missed everyone back home, but he had never been the type of guy to vent his frustrations. His sister always told him that getting him to open up was like pulling teeth.

“I’m grateful for your offer, but I’m...” he trailed off.

“Fine?” Victor supplied, an amused smile playing on his lips.

“Yes,” Otabek confirmed. Hesitated. “Or I will be. I’m not a big talker.”

“No wonder you and Yuri get along so well,” Victor said, placing a supportive hand on Otabek’s shoulder. “We’ll leave you be, but we would consider you a friend and we hope you feel the same way about us. If you do ever want to talk, we’re here for you.”

Touched by the couple’s genuine concern, he flashed them a rare smile. “Thank you. I mean that.”

Once Victor and Yuuri had left him alone, Otabek changed into some fresh clothes and walked away from the rink, aimlessly. They did need groceries but picking them up wasn’t going to take him the whole afternoon.

If he was at home, he would work through his feelings by losing himself in his music. Without all his equipment, that would prove difficult to do.

Should he cancel their date plans for tonight?

He hated the thought of it. A few heated words shouldn’t derail their plans, but he had no idea how angry Yuri still was. He shouldn’t have allowed his anger and fear to get the better of him; he knew that Yuri didn’t respond well to that kind of confrontation.

But what else was he supposed to do? Wait until the man he loved did irreversible damage to himself? To prove what, to who?

He pulled his phone out his pocket when it rang. Yuri’s name flashed on the screen stirring a wealth of conflicting emotion. Usually Otabek was ecstatic to receive a call from him. With the way things were left between them at the rink, he was hesitated to answer, unsure what exactly he wanted to say.

Taking a deep breath, he answered with a sedate, “Hello.”

“Where did you go?” Yuri demanded.

Otabek looked around. He had no idea where he actually was. “I had some things to take care of.”

“Bullshit. If you’re going to walk out on me, at least be man enough to admit it.”

“That wasn’t…” Otabek started before cutting himself off. “I’m allowed to have to some time for myself. Ever since I got here, I’ve been by your side. I just need a few hours alone.”

“Away from me,” Yuri said in a sombre tone.

“Yuri, please don’t make this about you. I’ll be back when you get home. We can talk then.” Otabek hung up, sadness seeping into him. He hated being at odds with Yuri. He could only remember a handful of times they had been truly angry at each other during their friendship.

Figuring out the new aspect of their relationship was a lot more work than he had first considered. They were both difficult people, but Otabek refused to be the one who always compromised. Yuri had to understand that in order for their relationship to thrive, they both had to give and take.

How the hell did he get that to sink in Yuri’s head?

Body aching from practice, Yuri called a cab home. He told himself it had nothing to with not wanting to walk home by alone. He was so fucking angry with Otabek, he could almost believe it.

Storming into his apartment, the eerie silence told him that Otabek had lied to him about being home when he got back. He threw his bag on the sofa, considered throwing himself on it as well before deciding against it. Wallowing wasn’t going to solve anything and Potya needed to be fed.

Yuri went through the motions of showering and stretching his body out.

Who did Beka think he was, just walking out like that?

He hated to admit it, even to himself, but it had hit a nerve. Everyone left him – his mother, his father, even his beloved grandfather had left him in the end. No, it hadn’t been his choice, but it amounted to the same thing.

Otabek had just left him. He had never done that before – somehow he always knew when Yuri was at his weakest and appeared. Could he rely on that anymore? Because he needed it; he couldn’t stand the discord between them.

The most paranoid part of his brain told him that Otabek was already on a plane back home.

Maybe he shouldn’t have pushed himself so hard. He hadn’t been thinking of the exertion the gruelling moves were putting on his body, he had been thinking of the time he had lost to injuries that had been caused by a couple of assholes and his own reckless behaviour.

Yuri was mid-stretch when he heard keys jingling in the lock, sending his heartbeat into overdrive. He glanced over his shoulder, reluctant concern pushing him to make sure that Otabek was unharmed.

Their eyes met and Yuri was taken back by the sorrow he saw in them. Otabek was usually so solid, so unaffected by his outbursts. He straightened, unsure what to do. All his anger had disappeared, replaced by fear. Had they moved too quickly? Were they ruining their friendship by forcing a relationship that wasn’t meant to be?

Otabek walked into the kitchen, setting a bag down on the counter before putting the groceries in their place. Yuri followed him, growing more impatient as Beka continued to ignore him.

“Where have you been?” he asked, attempting to keep his tone even.

“Just walking around,” Otabek answered, concentration seemingly all taken up by the vital task of tidying away his purchases.

“Just walking around,” Yuri repeated. “I was worried.” And furious, but he kept that part to himself.

“We spoke on the phone. You knew I was okay.”

Losing his cool, Yuri snatched a box of cereal out of his hands and slammed it on the counter. “No, I didn’t! We spoke hours ago, anything could have happened to you.”

“Nothing happened, I’m fine. Calm down.”

“Stop telling me to calm down. You’re the one who just left!”

Otabek frowned at the venom in his voice. “Yuri, I explained it to you. I just needed some time alone. I told you I was coming back.”

“You said you were going to be here when I got home. You weren’t,” Yuri yelled erratically.

“I lost track of time,” Otabek said, “I didn’t leave you, Yuri.”

“Yes, you did. Is that what’s going to happen when you go home? We have a stupid fight and I won’t hear from your for months?” The only reason he had come back was because he’d had to.

“That won’t happen.”

Yuri just looked at him. “It already did. How many times did I call or text you these past months? I could never just cut you out of my life like that; you’ve proved that you capable of doing it.”

“That’s not true,” Otabek argued, “we already went over that and it has nothing to do with you being reckless on the ice.”

“It does! Because again you chose to walk away instead of talking it out,” Yuri explained, unable to comprehend why Otabek couldn’t see the connection.

Otabek scrubbed a hand over his tired face. “How am I meant to talk anything out with you when you blow up in an instant? It was best that we had time to cool down. You think the things you say to me in anger don’t hurt, but they do. Most of the time I recognise that you don’t mean it, but…”

Mouth dry, Yuri swallowed, guilt worming its way into his system. The last person he wanted to hurt was Beka. “I’m sorry for talking to you like that, I know you’re only looking out for me.”

“You can’t just blow up on me every time you disagree with something I say. I won’t be your punching bag.”

Was that how Yuri treated him? “I’m not.. I don’t mean…” He didn’t have the right words. It eviscerated him that Otabek saw him that way. His temper ran hot, it always had, but Otabek had always seemed unfazed by his rages.

Sensing his devastation, Otabek moved closer, placing his hand on Yuri’s cheek. “I know. I _know, _Yuri. You have to know by now that I’m on your side, always. But you have to realise that I’m not the type of man to stand back whilst someone I love is putting themselves in unnecessary danger.”

Yuri rested his head against Beka’s, his words bathing him with a warmth that had been absent since their fight. _Love._ Yuri had assumed that falling in love, being in love, would be the most natural thing in the world. It should be, shouldn’t it?

But it wasn’t; he was beginning to realise that it would take everything he had. From a young age he had learnt to distrust those closest to him, how the fuck did undo the shit he had been through with his family?

“I don’t want to be the type of man who makes the person he loves feel like shit. I guess I’ve still got some growing up to do,” Yuri admitted softly.

Otabek banded his arms around him. “We all growing, all the time. I just need to know that you’re willing to listen to me. Your first reaction can’t be to verbally attack me.”

Tears burned the back of Yuri’s as he held on onto Otabek. “I don’t want to that person,” he whispered, emotion breaking his voice.

“Hey,” Otabek drew back, looking into his eyes, “you’re not. I know how much skating means to you, I understand that the setback is putting you under pressure. You’ve grown so much in the last few years, I’m in awe of you. Your dedication to the sport just terrifies me sometimes, I don’t want you to hurt yourself by rushing the healing process.”

“I hear you,” Yuri said, unease still burning in his gut. “Just don’t leave me like that. I know I’m hard to deal with –“

Otabek cut in, “No, that’s not what I meant, please don’t talk about yourself like that. I was always coming back to you. I’m with you, one hundred percent. After everything, I know it’s going to be hard for you to trust that, but I’ll show you.”

Yuri tried a smile, “And I’ll stop being a dick.”

Otabek raised his brows, “And stop pushing yourself so hard?”

Letting out a breath, Yuri hands roamed Otabek’s muscular back. “If you take me on that date you promised.”


	10. Desire

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Enjoy - it does get a little heated!!

They missed the reservation Otabek made at the restaurant, so he decided to order Yuri’s favourite take out and transform the living room into a cosy nest, complete with candlelight. Otabek felt guilty that he wasn’t taking Yuri out as planned, but he insisted that it was fine.

Sat on the floor on top of cushions, they used the coffee table to dine from as the soft sounds of folk music played in the background. All the earlier tension had dissipated, but Otabek still felt echoes of shame at the way he had made Yuri question his own character. Yuri was such a contradiction, putting on such a strong front that it was easy to forget how damaged his sense of self worth was. 

Losing his own temper and then disappearing for hours had been the wrong way to handle the situation. After everything Yuri had been through, he deserved more than that from him.

Otabek studied him as he took a sip of wine, glad to see that all signs of his earlier upset were gone. Yuri caught his eye. “Thank you for doing this. You didn’t have to after what happened.”

He hated how easily Yuri was willing to accept the blame, as if it had all been his fault. Yes, he was usually the first to lash out, but Otabek had been in the wrong too. His past experience with an unstable Jon had affected him in ways he couldn’t even begin to explain. Overreacting to Yuri’s reckless behaviour was one of them.

“I wanted to,” Otabek told him, “I did promise you a date.” He hesitated before asking his next question, “How was the rest of practice?”

Yuri’s eyes ducked. “More of the same. The competition isn’t that far away, Beka. What if I can’t get back to where I was before all of this?”

“You will,” Otabek assured him. “If anyone can, it’s you. I don’t doubt that – just please don’t kill yourself trying to do it.”

Shoulders relaxing, Yuri shuffled a little closer, finished with his dinner. “I won’t, I promise. You were right about what I was doing to myself.”

“Please don’t make me worry about you anymore than I already do when we’re apart. Whenever you feel like you did in practice today, just imagine having to call me from a hospital bed. Or worse, I get another call from Victor because you’re unconscious. The attack wasn’t your fault so I won’t hold that against you, but your behaviour in the rink is something you can control.”

Yuri slid his hand into Otabek’s, bringing it to his lips. “No more injuries from me.”

“I will hold you to that.”

“I know you will,” Yuri smiled, “I like that you care enough about me to put up with my shit.”

_Oh Yura._ “I love you,” Otabek said with sincerity. He’d always loved him, their friendship one of the most valuable relationships in his life. Now they had admitted their feelings for one another, he realised that the love he had for Yuri had never been strictly platonic. “I’m always going to put up with your shit and you’re going to put up with mine.”

A look of pure vulnerability washed over Yuri’s face. “You said it earlier, but I just assumed you…”

“Assumed that I didn’t mean it?” It was second nature for Yuri to question everyone’s intentions and feelings. “I wouldn’t say something like that if I didn’t mean it. I know we’ve only been together for a short time, but I think there was always a part of me that knew how I felt about you. I panicked after the kiss at the wedding because I wasn’t sure if taking that leap was the right thing to do. You mean so much to me and I was afraid of exactly what happened today. I hurt you and I never want to do that.”

Yuri climbed onto his lap, wrapping his long legs around his waist. “We talked about this. Hurting each other is going to be inevitable. I love you too. So much. I always have.”

Otabek held him close, content to enjoy the sensation of their hearts beating next to each other for a few moments. It wasn’t long before desire roared to life, creating an invisible tether between them.

Yuri took his mouth, movements hurried, bordering on frenzied. Yuri was an electric vine around him, so fucking alive and free. So giving and generous. “I want you,” Yuri whispered against his mouth.

Cock straining in his pants and an untamed Yuri in his arms, Otabek was out of reasons to delay any longer. His caution was killing them both. He had wanted to wine and dine Yuri, make his first time as special as the man, but _this_ was real.

But he just had to ask one more time. “Are you sure?”

Yuri rolled his eyes. “Yes! I’m not nervous or scared. Maybe I would be if you were someone else, but I know you’ll always take the best care of me.”

The faith Yuri had in was terrifying at times; it made him doubt himself more because he had to do it for the both of them. Yuri must have caught onto his fresh hesitation because he stood up and held out his hand. “I’m going to the bedroom, taking off my clothes and finding the lube. Are you going to say no to me?”

The imagery he painted with those simple words was so hot that Otabek’s willpower vanished in a second. Taking Yuri’s hand, he rose and allowed himself to be guided to the bedroom, pulse thrashing in his ears.

Yuri stood at the foot of the bed, a soft smile of his lips as he removed his t-shirt. It was nothing Otabek hadn’t seen before, over the past week they had got well accustomed to each other bodies, but the sight of his bare still affected him.

Why was he so nervous? He was quaking in his socks whilst Yuri brazenly stripped in front of him. Considering their level of experience, it should be the other way round. He had a feeling it would be this way for the rest of their lives – him worrying enough about both of them, Yuri facing everything so fearlessly.

Now naked except for his underwear, Yuri began to tug on Otabek’s clothes, the movement awakening him from the dazed state he had been in. He helped Yuri strip him, excitement skating across his skin.

Feeling more like himself, Otabek nudged Yuri towards the bed, pushing him back against the mattress. Otabek settled between him his legs, eyes zeroing in on Yuri’s growing erection. Hooking his fingers in the material of his underwear, they managed to awkwardly slide the article down his legs.

Otabek’s hand circled Yuri’s cock causing him to whimper. Otabek loved his honest reactions. There was no bashfulness or hesitation, reminding him that this was Yuri he final had his hands on. He wasn’t sure if that knowledge settled his nerves or increase them.

Slowly stroking Yuri, Otabek kissed him, intent of making him lose his mind. He would only have good memories of his first him. Yuri moaned into his mouth, the sound reverberating all the way to Otabek’s cock.

Squirming beneath him, Yuri broke contact, breathless. “You’re going to make me come already.”

Otabek smirked at him, pleased with himself. “A young thing like you should be ready to go again in no time. Or I could stop?” He halted his stroking, getting more and more turned on as the seconds passed.

“Don’t you fucking dare,” Yuri hissed, leaving Otabek chuckling to himself. When he took his hand away, Yuri’s brows slammed together. “Beka! Don’t be a dick.”

“I’m trying to wrap my mouth arounds yours; do you still want to argue with me?”

A small shake of the head. “No.”

Otabek took as much of Yuri’s length inside of his mouth as he could, sucking and gliding in a way that he knew would have Yuri coming in a matter of minutes. Yuri’s desperate hand clutching in his hair only spurred him on.

“Oh god, Beka. You’re so good at that.”

Wrapping his hand around the base, Otabek swirled his tongue over the tip. “Good at what?” He needed to hear Yuri say it.

“Sucking my cock.”

Desire burned Otabek alive. “Get the lube out of the drawer.”

Yuri didn’t hesitate, fumbling with the handle and retrieving the small bottle they had already used half of over the last few days. Otabek took the bottle from him and coated his fingers.

Returning his mouth to Yuri’s full cock, Otabek worked two fingers inside of him, scarcely believing that they were about to have sex for the first time. Carnal moans escaped Yuri’s lips, assaulting Otabek’s ear in the best of ways. Soon he was stifling a scream as he came in Otabek’s mouth.

“Fuck,” Yuri gasped, experiencing sensory overload. Otabek swallowed everything drop of his cum, still finger fucking him in the process. Yuri almost told him to stop, that he felt too fucking much in that moment. There were parts of his body lighting up that he didn’t even realise he possessed.

Trailing kisses along his stomach, Otabek eyes lifted. “You okay?”

Yuri simply nodded, worried what would come out of his mouth if he tried to speak. To settle himself, he reached for Otabek’s head pulled him up so they were eye to eye. His hands brushed against Beka’s strong arms, the sensation grounding him life nothing else could.

Otabek gently held his jaw. “We can stop.”

How did Beka read him so well? “No. I want you, completely. It’s just so intense between us, it always takes me off guard.”

“You make me feel like that every time I watch you skate.”

Happiness burst into him; he loved the idea of drawing such feeling from the stoic Hero of Kazakhstan. “Really?”

“Yes.”

Yuri pinched his ass, smiling. “You’re a secret teddy bear.”

“Only when it comes to you.” He was silent for a second, “How do you want to do this?”

“Exactly like this, with you close to me as humanly possible.”

Tenderness swept across Otabek’s face. “That sounds perfect to me. After everything we’ve done, this shouldn’t hurt. It might be a little uncomfortable, but if it hurts you, tell me and we try something different.”

“I’ll be fine, I’m not made of glass. I would have shattered long before now if I was.”

Otabek’s features hardened at Yuri’s dismissive comment. “I’m not fucking around, Yuri. I know how tough you are, but I can’t hurt you. Don’t allow me to.”

Touched, and slightly amazed by the depth of Beka’s protectiveness towards him, Yuri conceded. “I promise. I wouldn’t do that to you.”

Satisfied with his response, Otabek kissed him and slid his hand between them. Yuri could feel his hard cock probing his entrance, radiating a heat that seemed to seep into him. Fuck, his own dick started to twitch in response to the excitement that erupted in his veins.

Above him Otabek’s face was a mask of concentration, a controlled façade Yuri knew was bullshit. Beka was as turned on as him, the evidence of it between his legs. Yuri had also discovered that the more controlled Otabek seemed, the more chaos was circling around on the inside.

“You ready?”

“Beka…” Yuri warned, growing impatient. He was throbbing, so ready for Otabek to claim him in the most human way possible.

“Relax,” Otabek murmured in his ear when he thrust forward, only to be blocked by Yuri’s tense body.

“Easy for you to say, you haven’t got a large object trying to get in your ass.”

An amused sound came from Otabek’s lips. “You’ve been begging me for this.”

Yuri couldn’t deny that, his mind was completely ready, but the body hadn’t received the message. Perhaps he was more nervous that he thought. Shit, now he was spiralling. “Kiss me.”

Their lips melded together, with Otabek slipping his tongue inside. The familiarity of the act was just what Yuri needed, his body relaxing muscle by muscle. Otabek surged, his cock slipping inside Yuri with surprising ease. 

Otabek stilled when he was fully inside, giving Yuri a moment to become accustomed to the foreign sensation. It wasn’t painful just as Otabek promised; but he did feel stretched wide and more vulnerable that he expected.

“Are you okay?” Otabek asked through gritted teeth, the effort of remaining still evidently pushing him to his limits.

Yuri met his eyes. “Yes, you can move.”

“Wrap your legs around me,” Beka ordered. Yuri complied, shifting slightly to make the position as comfortable as possible. Lines of strain were displayed across Otabek’s face.

He pulled out before gliding back in, repeating the motion again and again. Rational thought fled Yuri’s mind as Otabek found just the spot, hitting it with such accuracy that Yuri knew the man had downplayed his skill in the bedroom.

“Fuck, Beka.”

Otabek grunted in response, “You are so fucking tight.”

“Virgin ass,” Yuri staggered out, ending on an embarrassingly high moan. His cock had sprung back to life with renewed vigour, begging for release. He was so aware of Otabek inside of him, making it difficult to breath with any normalcy. He bucked his hips, spurring Otabek to increase his force.

His action work, Beka’s motions becoming hungrier as he become more vocal It was the closest Yuri had ever seen him to unravelling and he couldn’t fully appreciate the beauty of it because he was so caught up in the pleasure the man was giving him.

Yuri nipped Otabek’s jaw, arousal overtaking him completely. There was no sense of time, he would have been content to lie beneath Otabek all night, allowing him into his ass for all eternity.

Otabek pulled back, coming onto his knees and bringing Yuri with him. “Touch yourself.”

Fuck, bossy Otabek was like a hand caressing his balls, shooting desire through his body. Yuri worked himself, loving the way Otabek’s eyes touched his skin, as if he couldn’t get enough of the sight of Yuri spread out in front of him. His hands dug into Yuri’s hips as he pumped inside.

The visual, the sensation, the fire between them was too much. Before he was even aware of it was he was coming with a sharp cry, dragging a crazed Otabek over the ledge with him. Yuri’s cum splattered between them, whilst Beka’s was shot straight into his ass.

Filthy. They were filthy and he loved it.

Otabek easing out of him, he didn’t love so much. They had gotten a little carried away and he was sure he would happen trouble sitting down tomorrow, the telltale signs of twinges already making themselves know.

Honestly, he didn’t give a fuck.

Otabek collapsed on top of him and Yuri enveloped the burning torso, needing the contact to come back down to earth safely. Otabek’s words were muffled against his chest. “Are you okay? I was meant to keep things a little more controlled.”

“I’m fucking fantastic,” he said, skipping over the part about his ass stinging. Now he had seen Beka’s protectiveness in full force, he was didn’t want it to flare up again and ruin his afterglow. Knowing Otabek, he would ban sex forever if he thought Yuri had experience even the slightest bit of pain. “Told you, I’m not made of glass.”

Otabek lifted his head a fraction, smiling. “I’m pretty sure you’re made out of some drug that I’m addicted to. You make me lose my mind.”

“So it was good for you?” Yuri asked, unsure where the insecurity came from. Probably the same place that had made him want to know every detail of Otabek’s sexual history.

Otabek licked his nipple and then bit down on it. “I can’t move right now. What do you think?”

Yuri ran his hands through Otabek’s hair, wondering if he had ever felt so tranquil in his life. “I think you’ve created a sex fiend.”


	11. Panic

Otabek was leaving in two days.

Everytime Yuri remembered that fact, he wanted to collapse into a heap on the floor and sob like a baby. Beka had already extended his trip twice, spending three weeks in Russia. His coach had lost the little patience he’d had to begin with, meaning their time together was up.

Otabek was going home.

The last week and a half had been absolute bliss. Yuri could say with absolute honesty that he had never been happier in his life. They spent their nights together, woke up in the mornings wrapped around each other and then made their way to rink to get in some practice time.

It was Sunday and then have given themselves the day off to roam around the city, Yuri taking Otabek to his favourite places. For the most part, his anxiety about leaving the house remained the same. With Otabek by his side, he was ready to take on anyone who wished them harm, but there were times when Beka had disappeared to look in another aisle or gone to fetch them coffee and Yuri felt the cold hands of panic squeezing inside his chest.

He didn’t say a word to his boyfriend, unwilling to burden Otabek. He had to go home and Yuri knew it kill him to leave if he knew Yuri was still struggling with anxiety. It was only exacerbated by the knowledge that the people who attacked him were walking around without so much as a slap on the wrist.

Yuri still hadn’t found the right words to tell Otabek and his friends what had happened. It was only a matter of time before the news become public knowledge and Yuri’s Angel’s instigated the biggest shitstorm social media had ever seen.

He could see it so clearly, almost hear the bomb timer ticking down in his head, but he couldn’t force himself to tell Otabek. There was no point in weighing him down with that problem. He had already done so much.

To thank him, Yuri had led them to an old-fashioned confectionary shop, well aware of Otabek’s secret sweet tooth. His face had lit up like a child on Christmas when he realised where Yuri had brought him.

Armed with a bag of his favourites sweets, Otabek offered it to Yuri as they strolled along the street, dusk settling in. “I’m good, thanks.”

Beka made a face. “How are you not tempted by them?”

Yuri shrugged, delighted to see Otabek so happy about such a small gift. “You know I prefer savoury foods.”

Otabek reached around and patted Yuri’s stomach, “As soon as you hit twenty, you’re going to get a belly.”

Yuri playfully shoved him. “Never!”

“You just wait,” Otabek teased, shoving a more sweets into his mouth, “You’re twentieth birthday, it will just appear.”

“And where is yours then?” Yuri asked. Over the past few weeks he had seen every inch of Otabek’s body and there wasn’t an ounce of fat.

“I’m sure it will settle in once I retire,” he answered causally.

Yuri stilled, turning to face meet his gaze. “Are you thinking of retiring soon?”

“Maybe,” Otabek said, “I’ve accomplished so much, but skating has always been just one of my ambitions. I would like to pursue other things whilst I’m still young.”

“Your music?”

“Yeah.” His tone held traces of self-doubt. “I don’t know. Maybe go back to school – there are so many new things to try. I do love skating, but it leaves little time to do anything else.”

One of the reasons why Yuri had always loved skating. It gave him a purpose, a sense of focus when everything else in his life had been chaotic. It usually left him so exhausted that he didn’t have the energy to think about anything else. Always a bonus when his thoughts had the tendency to take angry or depressive routes.

Otabek continued, “I haven’t made a decision yet, it’s just something I’ve been thinking about lately.”

Yuri nodded, unsure how he felt about the unexpected development. He had assumed that someone as talented as Otabek would pursue a career as long as his body allowed, it hadn’t occurred to him that Otabek’s other interests rivalled that of skating.

“Hey,” Otabek said, a slight frown on his face. “I told you, I haven’t made a decision yet. Nothing is going to change for a while.”

Change was something Yuri had always struggled to deal with. His childhood had been ever-changing. One day his mother was there and the next she wasn’t. Caring and then angry. Same with his father. The only constants had been his grandfather and the ice.

“Okay.” There wasn’t anything else to say. Otabek couldn’t go through life making his decisions to keep Yuri feeling secure. “Just let me know.”

Otabek’s featured softened. “I will. You’re always the first to know.” His arms came around Yuri’s shoulders, holding him close. Yuri closed his eyes and inhaled his scent for comfort.

“Whatever you chose to do, I’ll support you. I just – I’m not good with change. You know what my family is like. Every time I got a handle on the way things were heading, one of the fucking assholes would pull the rug out from underneath me. I’ll deal,” he assured Beka.

There was no way he was letting his fucked-up childhood affect his relationship with Otabek. He was going to do something his parents had never quite gotten the grasp on and be an adult.

“I know you will, but you should consider what it could mean for us,” Otabek said, pulling away.

“What do you mean?”

“I could come visit for you longer, maybe even looks at some university courses here.”

Yuri’s heart stopped. “Really? That’s something you would actually do?” Fuck, he didn’t want to get his hopes up, but the moment Otabek said the words, he could admit to himself that it was something he had secretly hoped for.

“Obviously there is a lot to think about, but we could make it work. With all the competitions, I’m hardly at home anyway. I would want to go back for regular visits, but…” He shrugged, as if moving to another country was no big deal.

It was a big deal, Yuri thought. “As much as I want you with me, I don’t want you to sacrifice anything, especially not your family.”

“They’ll still be my family, Yuri,” Otabek said gently. “My parents have always encouraged me to follow my dreams.”

_I’m pretty sure they had other ideas about what your dreams would be. Moving to Russia to be with me wouldn’t be one of them. _

The words were on the tip of his tongue, but he kept them to himself. He liked Beka’s parents, but they were a reminder of how lacking his were. They wanted the best for their children and Yuri didn’t understand how he could be the best for Otabek. He was an asshole most of the time, Otabek deserved so much more than a bratty teenager and as much as he tried, Yuri couldn’t shake some of the behaviour even he loathed about himself.

If Otabek did move to Russia, he would regret it, begin to resent Yuri for it. “I think you should take some time to think about it. We’re so new, I wouldn’t want you to move here just for me.”

A blank expression masked Otabek’s face. Yuri pretended not to notice as they arrived at his apartment building and made their way up to his floor. He made his excuses and went into the bathroom, looking at himself in the mirror.

How could he go from elated to the idea of Otabek moving to Russia, to fearing it as much as he did failing in a competition in the space of a few seconds?

_You’re scared. _

Of what?

_That he’ll realise you truly aren’t worth it. _

He wasn’t; Yuri knew that as well as he knew his own name. If Otabek did make that realisation for himself, their relationship would be irreparable. Their friendship would be gone, and Otabek would vanish from him life.

A knock of the door yanked him out of his thoughts. “Are you alright?” Otabek called from the other side of the door.

Yuri shook himself, splashed a handful of water on his face. “I’m good. I’ll be out in a second.”

Taking a deep breath, he attempted to pull himself together. He felt like he was unravelling, that he had been lying to himself for the past three weeks. How could they make it work? Yuri was terrified of losing him and the chances of that happening only increased the more time they spent with each other.

Otabek thought he knew Yuri and he probably did better than anyone else alive, but he couldn’t see the bleak, twisted parts he hid from the world. There was much in his past that Otabek didn’t know and never would because Yuri would never find the courage to tell him.

It was the kind of shit that stayed with a person, affected them in the most fundamental of ways. Why had he thought it was okay to start anything with the one person he couldn’t bear to lose? Their friendship worked and they had thrown it away so carelessly. 

Shit. He ground his palms into his eyes, hating himself for allowing these thoughts to rule his mind. Somewhere, he recognised that he was sabotaging himself. Didn’t mean he could do a fucking thing about it.

“Yuri! Victor’s here.”

Irritated welled. Just what he needed when he was in the middle of a melt down. “Coming!”

He jerked open the door, his limbs feeling disconnected from his body. There was an awful pressure on his chest that seemed to increase with every step he took. He couldn’t face them. He couldn’t.

Breathing become more difficult and dread wrapped around his throat when couldn’t get enough air. He had just enough awareness left to throw himself back into the bathroom and locked the door. Sweat seeped from his skin as he collapsed to the floor with shaky limbs.

“Yuri! Open the door.” Otabek’s voice was far away, so far behind the loud ringing that filled his ears.

_Can’t. Help me._

Victor’s tone was authoritative. “Yuri, unlock the door.”

Unlock the door. He needed to unlock the door.

Unlock the fucking door.

Trembling, he reached up and turned the lock, tossing himself to onto the floor. Arms wrapped about him, Otabek’s scent enveloping him. Was he moving? He couldn’t focus enough to know for certain, the task of breathing requiring all of his attention

“What’s wrong with him?”

Otabek responded. “I don’t know. Panic attack?”

“Sit on the bed with him,” Victor ordered, “I’ll get a blanket. Has his happened before?”

“No. Not that I know of.” Yuri wanted to comfort Otabek, hating the sorrow that infused his voice. “Should we call someone?”

“We’ll give him some time. If it is a panic attack, it will pass.”

Yuri clung to that – it would pass. It had to pass because he felt like he was dying, the air being cruelly snatched from his lungs. Otabek’s warm body, enclosed tightly around his was the only thing that gave him a semblance of relief.


	12. Worried

Otabek closed the door to Yuri’s bedroom with a soft click, a stress headache forming right between his eyes. Yuri was finally asleep. Now that he was no longer watching him, Otabek could let the calm façade slip a little.

When he walked into that bathroom his heart had stopped beating. Yuri was so tough, so resilient and to see him on that floor, panic taking hold of his face, Otabek had nearly broken. But he couldn’t because Yuri needed him to be the pillar of strength for the both of them.

“Hey,” Victor called as Otabek walked into the living room. A small part of him had hoped that Victor would be gone, but he had known it was never going to happen. He had never quite understood Yuri and Victor’s relationship. Too close in age to be parent/child. He leaned towards a sibling dynamic – whatever the hell they were to each other meant that Victor wouldn’t leave him in the state he had been in.

Otabek took a seat on the couch. If not for the overwhelming emotions he had just experienced, he would have felt awkward. He got along with Victor fine, and they were friends, but the man had a way of asking profound questions in the most casual of ways, setting him on edge when they were alone.

“He’s asleep,” Otabek told Victor, exhaustion pulling at him.

Victor nodded. “Have you ever seen him experience anything like that before?”

“No,” he answered, thinking back. “He’s been unsettled since the attack, anxious when there are too many people around him, but that was a full blown panic attack.”

“Even if it had happened before, do you think he would tell any of us?” Victor sighed. Worry lines etched into his face, rendering his usually immaculate appearance less than perfect.

“I don’t know.” It was the truth. “We’ve been inseparable for weeks. I couldn’t have missed something like that. I should have known something was wrong – I did, but I brushed it aside because I didn’t want to push him for answers.”

He should have pushed. Past experience told him that secrets were never good. Jon had lied to him all the time and Otabek had allowed it, reluctant to rock the boat, too young to understand that he was only enabling the behaviour he hated.

“Did he say anything to you before he fell asleep?”

“No. He just wanted me to hold him.”

“It must be the assault. He needs to talk to someone. Have you heard anything about a court case yet?”

“Nothing,” Otabek said, frustrated.

Victor rose. “I’m going to make some calls and see what I can find out. Having everything unresolved can’t be helping.”

“Yes, it could help.” Would it? Otabek didn’t know what to think. Yuri had been fine one second, talking to him about the possibility of moving to Russia and the next, withdrawn.

Listening with half an ear to Victor’s conversation, he sat passively, still shaken by what he had witnessed. It reminded him of the nights he had spent with Jon. It wasn’t the same, he corrected himself. Jon had always been out of it, high on whichever drug he could gets his hands on. Yuri wasn’t self-destructing. He was dealing with the after affects of a vicious attack. Jon had been troubled, unable to break free from the demons that plagued him.

Victor’s harsh tone caught his attention. “No. That’s unacceptable.” He was quiet for a moment. “Fuck that.”

Otabek’s eyes widened when Victor threw his phone on the sofa in a fit of rage. “What’s wrong?”

Victor paced. “Yuri has declined to press charges against the men who attacked him. My contact said that Alexi Vasiliev’s father has made thinly veiled threats about ruining Yuri’s career if he proceeds with pursuing the case.”

Otabek burst from his seat. “What? Yuri is a top athlete.” So many thoughts were storming around in his head. “Yuri knows about this?”

“Yes, apparently so. The boy’s father is a politician with a multi-millionaire business - I’ve heard his name before and I can believe he will do what he says he will. These people can be corrupt Otabek.”

“So they are just going to get away with putting him in the hospital?” His voice almost cracked. Why hadn’t Yuri said anything? How long had he known about it?

Victor’s anger vanished, body slumping. “I don’t know. All I do know is that Yuri is right to be concerned.”

“There must be something we can do.”

“It’s Yuri’s decision to make,” Victor replied. Sighed. “You can’t push him either way, Otabek. He’s fragile right now, whether he wants to admit it or not. If he doesn’t want to pursue it, you’re going to have to accept that.”

Somewhat offended by the other man’s insinuation, he took exception. “Is that the type of person you think I am? Yuri’s welfare is and will always be my main priority. I would never pressure him into making a decision like this.”

“I didn’t mean it like that. But I know what it’s like when the love of your life is boxed into an untenable position. Threats to me mean nothing to me; threats to Yuuri make me lose my mind. We get them sometimes; _he_ gets them more frequently. I know what it’s like to feel useless against them.”

“At least you’re with him, you get to be there for him. I’m going to thousands of kilometres away from Yuri whilst he’s dealing with this. I can’t leave.”

Victor shook his head. “You can’t stay. You have a life and Yuri understands that.”

Yuri was good at telling Otabek things he wanted to hear. “I think this situation shows that I can’t trust him to tell me the truth right now. He was going to let me leave without tell me this.”

“I would assume he thought he was doing the right thing by you,” Victor said quietly. “I’m going to leave, give you two some time alone. Bring Yuri to the house tomorrow so we can discuss this in depth.”

“Okay. Thank you.” Victor surprised him by giving him a quick hug.

“Don’t be too angry with him.”

He wasn’t angry. Honestly, he didn’t know what he was. Troubled. Worried. Anxious. “I’ll see you tomorrow,” he said, showing Victor out.

With Victor gone, Otabek went back into the living room and sank into the sofa. Almost unconsciously, he dug his phone out of his pocket and found his sister’s name in the contacts. His thumb hit call before he could even think about.

Aylin answered after a few rings. “Beka! I didn’t expect you to call so soon before you’re due to come home. Is everything okay?”

“Yeah,” he answered, needing the normalcy for a few minutes. “Just wanted to talk to my little sister. How are you?”

“I’m good,” she replied enthusiastically. “I’ve got a few weeks left before I start the internship with the monsters so I’m just catching up with friends, spending my last days of freedom wisely.”

“Enjoy it whilst it lasts,” he teased.

His heart took a dip at her next words. “Beka, what’s wrong?”

Tears burned at the back of his eyes. “Yuri had a panic attack. I don’t think I can leave him. I don’t want to leave him, but he also lied to me.” He told her the whole story, knowing she would listen to it with empathetic ears.

“Poor Yuri,” she whispered.

“Why wouldn’t he tell me something so important, Aylin?”

She sighed, drawing out the long breath. “I can’t answer that for him, but he’s been through a lot recently. He probably thinks that if he tells you, you’ll insist on extending your stay and we all know you can’t. He’s trying to protect you.”

“But it isn’t about me,” he grumbled.

“It will be when Coach makes you’re life hell because you’ve disobeyed him again.”

“I’m going to retire soon,” he blurted out.

“Beka –“ she started, tone uncertain.

“I’ve been thinking about it for a while,” he said quickly. “I want to try other things and my heart isn’t in it the way it used to be.”

“That doesn’t change your position right now. You’re committed to the upcoming competition and you need to train.”

“I have been training,” he argued. “Yuuri and Victor are great coaches and I’ve been getting a lot of practice in. My routines have improved so much since being here because of their input.”

“They’re not your coaches,” she stated. “I’m on your side, I always am which is why I’m telling you that you need to come home. Don’t rush into making such a big decision because of your relationship.”

Otabek’s anger rose rapidly. She should know him better than that. “That is not what I’m doing.”

“Don’t get mad at me, I’m trying to help you.”

“If you wanted to help me, you’d know this is not what I need. I listen to you, I support you and I give you advice. I don’t lecture you.”

“That’s not what I’m doing –

Otabek didn’t allow her to finish. “I’ll talk to you another time.”

With that he hung up, more unsettled than he had been before making the call. Everything he told her had been the truth. He could train as well, if not better, in Russia than at home. Yuuri and Victor were legends in the skating world and took his routines as seriously as they did Yuri’s.

Otabek took a shower, hoping it would wash away the remnants of his poor mood. No such luck. By the time he slipped into bed beside a sleeping Yuri, the events of the evening were spinning around in his mind, giving him no respite.

Turning on his side, he faced Yuri, still taken back by his beauty. In sleep all the stress seemed to slip away from him, giving him a peaceful look that Otabek wished he could see on his face during his waking hours.

Otabek took a strand of the blonde hair between his fingers, heart heavy. How could he leave him like that? Knowing Yuri, he would dismiss the panic attack as a one off and refuse to seek counsel. And then what would happen?

After what had happened to Jon, Otabek couldn’t live with that kind of uncertainty in his relationship.

Something was going to have to give.

He needed Yuri to be honest with him because he couldn’t spend his days wondering if his boyfriend, who was over fifteen hundred miles away, was enduring another day of anxiety fuelled panic silently.

Secrets of that magnitude were a hard limit for Otabek. How the hell did he get that to sink into Yuri’s mind?


	13. Honesty

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Hope you enjoy :)

Yuri crept out of bed, reluctant to wake Otabek. Some of his reasons were selfish and others were selfless. Answering questions about what had happened the previous night was the last thing he wanted to do and Otabek needed the rest.

Leaving the bedroom, Yuri jumped in the shower and then made himself go through the motions of brushing his teeth, his hair when all he wanted to do was go back to sleep and shut the world out.

A part of him wanted Otabek to just leave because it would be so much easier dealing with him if he were in another country. He would be oblivious Yuri’s weakness, his utter inability to function like a normal human being.

“Yuri?” Otabek called from the bedroom, his tone slightly panicked.

Fuck, now he was burdening Beka with yet another problem he had to worry about.

“In here,” he croaked, resigning himself to the conversation they were going to have.

Otabek walked into the kitchen, hair all mussed from sleep. A tentative smile tugged at his lips. “You could have woken me.”

“You needed the sleep,” Yuri replied curtly, taking a sip of his hot coffee. He needed some distance between them because inside he still felt raw from the panic he had experience last night.

He was terrified if he allowed himself to feel too much, the panic would come rushing back like a tidal wave, dragging him under.

Otabek poured himself some coffee and took a seat opposite him. An uncomfortable silence welled between them, tearing into Yuri’s heart. How did he do that? How did he managed to fuck up every single good thing in his life without trying?

“Has anything happened before like last night?” Otabek asked.

Yuri wanted to be insulted by the question, but he didn’t possess the energy to care all that much about the implication that he had been hiding something of that magnitude from his boyfriend. “No.”

“Would you tell me if it had?” Otabek’s eyes were steady on his.

Yuri held his tongue, finding that he did, in fact, possess the energy to be fucking insulted by _that_ question.

“Yuri, please. I’m just trying to understand what happened. Victor was here, do you remember that?”

He nodded, humiliated that Victor had witnessed him in that state.

“We talked whilst you slept and made the assumption that you’re panic attack was connected to the assault. Victor made some calls.”

Heart painfully squeezing in his chest, Yuri evaded Otabek’s eyes.

“Were you going to tell us about the ultimatum you were given?”

“What difference does it make?” Yuri demanded, fed up with the way Otabek was talking to him like a child. As if he were someone who needed to be handled with kid gloves. “There’s nothing I can do, nothing you can do. Nothing Victor can do. I’m not jeopardising my career for those fuckers. End of story.”

“Not end of story,” Otabek countered, anger flaring. “It’s not the end of the story if you’re having a panic attack.”

Yuri didn’t know how to tell him that the reason for the panic attack had been their relationship. It was that rabbit hole his mind had gone down when he had begun to lose control.

“I don’t care about them. I just want to get on with my life.”

Otabek’s expression softened. “That’s all I want for you too. I want a future with you without this holding you down.”

_Future._

Guilt crushed him. Otabek deserved someone so much better than him to share a future with. “Maybe we shouldn’t get ahead of –

“What the hell are you talking about?” Otabek flew up from his seat, more furious than Yuri could remember ever seeing him. “Have I done something? Yesterday we were talking about me moving here and then less than an hour later, you act as though it’s the last thing you want and then have a fucking panic attack and now you’re telling me we shouldn’t get ahead of ourselves.”

Yuri hated seeing Otabek like this, but it only evidence that they didn’t belong together. “You deserve someone better.”

“Why would you say something like that?” Otabek’s voice cracked, his expression heartbroken.

Tears welled in Yuri’s eyes. “Because it’s true. I’m a liability. You’ve put your life on hold for me for almost a month and it’s costing you. You just slip into conversation that you could move here to be with me and leave your family behind. I’m not worth that, okay? Do you not understand how lucky you are that you have a family that loves you?”

“Yes, of course I do,” Beka snapped, slapping his hands on the table. “This is what last night was about?”

Yuri forced the truth from his mouth. “Yes. Maybe. I don’t fucking know anymore. All I know is that it makes no sense for you to give up your life to come here for me.”

“I wouldn’t be giving up my life,” Otabek yelled, anger showing no signs of receding. “I told you I haven’t made any definite plans, but if you don’t want me here, all you have to do is say.”

Yuri stood, coming undone. “I want you. God, you’re so fucking stupid. Don’t you get it? I would sign a contract with the devil to be with you. To live with you like we have been doing for the last few weeks. But I know myself. I won’t be enough for you, you’ll regret our relationship. I’ll lose you.” By the time he finished, he could barely speak, the sobs making it difficult to get the words out.

Otabek’s strong arms came around him. Yuri collapsed into him, hanging on for dear life. “I’m sorry for shouting at you. I hate that these thoughts about yourself even enter your mind.”

“I feel like I’m losing my mind. I love you. You have to believe that,” Yuri said against Otabek’s chest. “I want to be with you, but I just have all of these doubts. They’re not about you. You’re perfect. I’m just broken and I don’t know how to move forward.”

Otabek took a deep breath. “Let’s go back to bed, okay? We need to talk and I want you to be comfortable.” 

Sagging with relief that Otabek simply hadn’t walked out the door at this point, he just nodded and followed Otabek to his bedroom. They crawled into bed, Otabek wrapping Yuri in his arms, his warm body thawing Yuri’s freezing limbs.

“I need you to listen to me when I tell you this. I’m not perfect, Yuri and you’re not broken. We’re all shaped by our past experience and I’ve been lucky enough to have a supportive family. Yours failed you; that’s not on you.”

Tears still leaked from his eyes, coming more freely at Otabek’s words. “They all left me. My dad didn’t give a shit, but my mom was worse because she pretended to when she wanted to show me off to her friends. As soon as we were out of sight of others, she turned into another person.” He had never told another soul what he was about to say. “She was abusive. When I was a kid I just thought everyone had to endure slaps and scratches, that it was completely normal for mom’s to scream in their child’s face until he peed himself.”

Otabek’s face broke, “Yuri.”

He shook his head, salty tears streaming onto his lips. “I hated when she was there and then I hated myself when she wasn’t because I knew she didn’t love me. My grandfather was the only one who did, but he never really understood me, you know?”

“She’s a vile woman.” Present tense because she was still out there.

“Yeah,” Yuri agreed. “I don’t consciously think about that shit, but it’s always there. I know I don’t have to earn your love, that you’re nothing like them. I don’t want you to think that I believe that.”

“Good because it would kill me if you did. Why did you never tell me that she hit you?”

“I don’t know how to have that conversation. What you knew was already bad enough and I didn’t want pity from you. I didn’t want you to see me as an abused kid because I wanted you. Now I have you and I don’t know if I can keep you.”

“Do you want to?” Otabek asked.

“Yes. Of course. But you shouldn’t have to put up with my baggage, miss out on your friends and family because of me.”

Otabek just smiled at him. “I love you. Let me repeat that for you. I, Otabek Altin, love you, Yuri Plisetsky. I don’t pity you. I’m not ‘putting up’ with anything. I just love you and I wish you loved yourself half as much I do.” He was quiet for a moment. “I need to tell you something. About my past. If we’re going to move forward, then we both need to.”

Unease settled in Yuri’s stomach. “Okay.”

“You asked about my past relationships, or my experience. I was in a relationship for eighteen months; it ended about six months before I met you. He died,” Otabek revealed, voice trembling.

Yuri looked at Otabek in concern. “What?”

“His name was Jon. I met him at a café he worked out around the corner from the rink I used to practice at. He was a great guy – just the type that loved life, you know? But he had problems and used drugs as a way to escape. Accidental overdose.”

Yuri knew there was much more to the story than that, but it did explain why Otabek was so damn protective. “How are you – your –

“I was a mess for a long time. We actually broke up a month or so before he died because I just couldn’t do it anymore. He lied to my face, manipulated me and I let him because I thought I should. I loved him. When I heard he was dead, I broke. I blamed myself, I blamed him, I blamed everyone. My parents made me go to therapy.”

“Did it help?” Yuri asked, wondering if he should take that step. So much had happened to him and last night was just another example of the horrifying reality that he wasn’t coping.

Otabek’s hand stroking his arm grounded him. “Yes. I learnt a lot about myself and how life experiences shape a person. Jon was never going to deal with his addition unless he wanted to, no matter how many times I begged.”

Something occurred to Yuri. “Do you think I’m like him? You said I punish myself. I don’t meant to…” he trailed off, unable to bare Otabek comparing him to his ex-boyfriend.

“No,” Beka assured him. “You’re so driven, so focused. I know you. You’re a little reckless, but it’s always passion that fuels that. Jon was lost – his upbringing wasn’t too dissimilar to yours, but he didn’t find your equivalent of skating. He was resigned to thinking he was going to follow in the footsteps of his father and it drove him to be the thing that he hated the most.”

“That is one of my fears,” Yuri confessed in a hushed whisper “I don’t want to be like her.”

Otabek’s hand came down on his cheek. “You could never be so cruel.”

“I have been, in the past.” All the horrible comments he had made over the years threatened to shatter him.

“Never like that.”

Yuri pressed his forehead to Beka’s, closing his eyes, breathing in the scent of the man he loved. “I wish we could stay like this. We’d be safe with each other.”

“I agree, “Otabek replied, “but we’d be unfulfilled. Our relationship will always come first, but we need achieve our own separate goals. I want you to solidify your status as the world’s greatest figure skater.”

“And I want you to make some fucking awesome music,” Yuri laughed, understanding exactly what Otabek meant. Their relationship was important, but so were their own ambitions and dreams.

Otabek’s smiled dimmed. “I want that for us, but you need to talk to me. What happened last night? That can’t happen again. I’m not asking you to tell me every single thought you have, but if they’re negative and persistent, they’re a problem. Or maybe they are legitimate concerns and we need to talk them through.”

“I promise,” Yuri vowed.

“I can’t stand the thought of you hurting or me being the cause.”

“It’s not you,” Yuri argued.

“I don’t want to push you if you’re not ready for this.”

Yuri brushed a kiss over Otabek’s lips. “I can’t let the past hold me back anymore. You’re worth a little pain.”

“And so are you.”

With both of their emotions running at an all time high, Yuri deepened their kiss, needing to be close to him. They undressed each other with ease, tugging at clothing in a steady manner that didn’t match Yuri’s heartbeat.

After a little prepping, Otabek glided into him, their bodies coming together in a quiet clash of love and passion. Yuri met Beka’s hips, thrust for thrust, sounds of pleasure and need escaping his lips.

Otabek’s hot breath caressed his neck, his face, his chest. His scent surrounded Yuri, sweeping him up into a haze of abandoned desire. There was nothing or no one else Yuri wanted to be with.

He was consumed with Otabek and he basked in the feeling. Every uncertainty, every fear, evaporated into air when they were joined together. The experience always left Yuri feeling shaky, sated. Shattered and then pieced back together again.

When Otabek’s hand circled his cock, it took less than a minute for Yuri to cum, the substance spurting onto their bodies as Otabek increased his pace, drawing more moans from Yuri.

Beka followed, his released marked by a deep groan that reverbed through Yuri’s entire being.

Otabek was home. He would never forget that again.


	14. The Day Before Tomorrow

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for the inexcusable delay in update! I'm working on a Walking Dead fic too and it's so hard to do them simaltanrously as well as fit everyday boring stuff in my schedule! I'll try and do better :)
> 
> Hope you enjoy; I'm a bit rusty with this story so I hope this chapter isn't too awful haha!

Otabek was forcing him to Victor’s for dinner.

It was the absolute last thing he wanted to do. Having Beka’s, Victor’s and Katsuki’s eyes on him whilst they discussed the fact that the asshole’s who beat him up were going to get away with it would suck.

So he told Otabek he was only going if he allowed Yuri to take a photo of him and post it on Instagram. Unfortunately, Beka didn’t seem as camera shy as he usually was and he agreed. Stubborn man.

So they there in the cab on their way to dinner, his phone blowing up with notifications of likes and comments on the sexy photo he had posted. The small act made him feel more like himself, but he couldn’t deny there was still a lingering unease about the panic attack. If he’d had one, he could have another.

The next one could be before a competition.

They reached Victor’s door, holding hands, Otabek practically plastered to his side. Yuri was trying to forget that his boyfriend was leaving the next day. He told himself to enjoy the time they had left together, but it was difficult to do that when all he could think about how their relationship could change was Beka went home.

Otabek ran a hand down his back as they wanted at the doorstep. “Are you okay?”

Could Beka read his mind now? “Just thinking about tomorrow.”

The reminder caused Otabek’s expression to crack. “You know I don’t want to leave, right?”

Yuri slipped his arms around Otabek’s waist. “I know, I’m sorry I brought it up. I don’t want to spoil our last day together.”

“I like you telling me what’s on your mind. Means I don’t have to guess.” He pressed a kiss to Yuri’s forehead. “I’m thinking about it too and I don’t want you to think the only reason I want to stay is to keep on eye on you. I missed you so much before we started a relationship. I can’t imagine how much harder it’s going to be now that you’re mine.”

It was comforting that Otabek was worrying about their parting too; it made him feel less neurotic about the whole thing. He didn’t want to come across as a lovesick child who couldn’t bear to be away from his boyfriend.

The door opened, interrupting their tender moment. Katsuki gave them an apologetic smile. “Hello! Come in, come in.” He did something quite uncharacteristic and hugged them both before ushering them in.

Yuri accepted it without comment, more sentimental than he had been for a while. Delicious scents hit him as he entered the house, stomach growling in response. As much as Victor could irritate the hell out of him, Yuri had to admit that he had come to like the meals he and Katsuki had began hosting at their home.

They got settled in, Victor welcoming them with open arms, though Yuri caught the assessing looks Victor was giving him. The four of them were sat in the living room, waiting for the meat to cook, engaging in some small talk before Victor dived into the heavy topics.

“So, Yurio, how are you feeling today?”

Yuri suppressed a groan. He had expected to be able to at least eat a meal before getting quizzed by Victor. “I’m okay.”

Victor arched a brow, looking to Otabek. “Is that true?”

That pissed Yuri off. “I’m capable of telling you how I feel. Otabek doesn’t need to speak for me.”

“A better man wouldn’t put out the fact that you’ve been hiding how you truly feel for the last few weeks or you would not have had the panic attack in the first place.”

Katsuki laid a hand on Victor’s leg, shaking his head. “What he means to say is that we are worried about you.”

“I’m sorry I didn’t tell you about ultimatum that was given to me,” he said with honesty. He should have told them and maybe the pressure of keeping it inside had contributed to his eventual meltdown. “I have been more stressed than usual, I can’t lie about that, but I’m not going to fall apart so you can stop looking at me as if you’re ready to call an ambulance.”

Victor nodded. Looked to Otabek again. “Are you still planning on leaving tomorrow?”

The words chipped away at Yuri’s heart so he squeezed Otabek’s hand. Otabek answered, “Yes.”

Victor then directed his gaze towards Yuri. “And how are you going to deal with that?”

“We’re not breaking up, we always knew he would have to return home at some point.” He didn’t like the way Victor was implying that Yuri wouldn’t be able to handle it. Fucking ironic considering the thoughts that sparked his attacked in the first place.

“What is the point you’re trying to make with your interrogation?” Otabek asked, the protectiveness in his voice appreciated, even if it wasn’t necessary. Yuri didn’t need anyone to fight his battles, but he let it go, touched that Beka would stand up to Victor for him.

Victor gave them both that baffling smile. “Well, we think it would be a good idea if you’ve moved back in here, Yuri.”

“What?” he shouted, unable to believe the words coming from Victor’s mouth. He looked towards Beka, wondering if he was in the idiotic plan too. He only shrugged, telling Yuri that he was as clueless as him.

Katsuki spoke before Victor could, evidently deciding that he had to do something to deescalate the mood. “We wanted to offer. Try not to dismiss it straight away, Yuri. After everything you’ve been through, we thought you might want the company.”

“And listen to you humping like rabbits every fucking hour?”

Katsuki’s cheeks flushed. “We would obviously be more discreet,” he said, Victor smirking at him. Like hell they would be more discreet; he knew exactly what they were like and he didn’t want to listen to it all the time. It would only be a reminder of the fact that his own boyfriend was so far away.

Otabek took the opportunity to throw his opinion into the mix. “Maybe it’s a good idea.”

Yuri rolled his eyes. “Of course you think it’s a good idea; you just want to know someone is watching over me. Can I remind you all that I’m an adult?”

Victor uncrossed his legs, leaning forward. “And sometimes being an adult means you know when to lean on other people. There is no shame in it.”

Whilst Victor’s words made sense, he couldn’t get his head around living with Victor and Katsuki for any length of time. “Thanks for the offer, but no. You’ll see me every day anyway for training.”

It was like they had all forgotten that he spent the majority of his time with them since they had started coaching him. He was often at their house for dinner too. He spent more than enough time with them. 

Victor’s expression tightened, but he remained calm. “The offer is there. If you won’t take it, what are you going to do? Because if you think you’re going to use skating to exhaust your brain and body so that you don’t have to address the issues beating down on you, you have another thing coming. Your training will be closely monitored.”

An outburst would only support Victor’s theory that he was a child who needed managing. He reigned in his own temper, taking a deep breath. “I’m going to therapy.”

Otabek took his hand, lacing their fingers. “I think that’s a good idea.”

Victor smiled as if he hadn’t just been a complete asshole for the last five minutes. “I do too!”

“I really don’t give a fuck what you think right now,” Yuri couldn’t resist saying.

Victor replied, “You know I only want you to be happy. I don’t want you to ignore anything you can resolve. I know what it’s like to carry that kind of weight and it hinders you. It will hinder you as a person and it will hinder your skating.”

Yuri narrowed his eyes. “Did you offer me to move in here because you know I would rather do anything but?”

Victor chuckled. “No! We want you to stay with us.”

Yuri called bullshit on that one. Victor was more intelligent that he let on and he could be a master manipulator at times. Yuri could usually see it, but obviously he wasn’t at his best these days. Something he was going to remedy.

“One more item on the agenda – what do you want to do about pressing charges?”

Yuri gritted his teeth, only relaxing when Otabek stroked his thumb over the back of Yuri’s hand. How was he going to survive without him? “You know I’m not doing anything that jeopardises my career.”

“I understand,” Victor said, the earlier tension gone from him. “Let me to think on it; there may be something we can do.”

Yuri sighed. “I just want it to be done with now.”

Victor smiled.

“Victor, I mean it,” he warned.

“Yes, yes, I know.” He rose, dusting his pants off. “I need to assemble our dinner, feel free to talk about me whilst I’m gone.”

Yuri watched him leave the room, eyes travelling to Katuski once he was out of sight. “You married an asshole.”

Katuski just laughed. “He loves you. He wants you to thrive. I know he’s a little much sometimes, but you can’t deny it feels good to have him fighting in your corner.”

He couldn’t, Yuri realised. Victor had a confidence that shone brightly. People were drawn to him and there was a power in that. Having someone like Victor notice him, consider him family, was an incredible feeling.

If only he could keep his mouth shut at times.

In the end they had a great afternoon. Once all of the serious talk was out of the way, Victor become tolerable again. Hanging out with them as a couple was always fun, even if a little sickening at times, but with Otabek by his side, he was getting less nauseated by them than usual.

He and Otabek left mid-afternoon, eager to spend some time alone before they were forced apart tomorrow. They grabbed a few supplies and headed back to apartment, Yuri smiling at the thousands of likes his photo of them had got since they had been with Victor and Katsuki.

There were also a magnitude of comments showing him love and support. It was only a little thing but it made him feel good.

Half an hour after they got in, they had sprawled on the sofa, content to just hold each other for a little while. Yuri had settled between Otabek’s legs, back to his chest, half-watching some rom-com on Netflix.

Otabek stroked his hair. “Yuri, tell me the truth. Are you going to be okay without me? I don’t mean that to sound conceited or that I don’t know how strong you are. I just feel like I’m letting you down. I love you and you’re going through something. I want to be here for you.”

“I want you to stay,” Yuri said, “but that’s the selfish part of me talking. I’ll be okay, Beka. I am going through something, but I have had rough times in the past. I’ve gotten through them and we both know even if you’re not physically here with me, you’re always with me.”

“We’ll talk or video chat everyday.”

“I can send you dirty photos,” Yuri smiled, thinking about the fun they could have with that.

Otabek groaned, sending his hands over Yuri’s shoulders. “You’re trouble.”

“The best kind of trouble.”

“Can’t disagree with that. I’m going to miss you so much.”

“You’re a soppy love-drunk fool,” Yuri laughed, more relaxed than he had been for a long time. By making the public commitment to go to therapy, it was as if a weight had been lifted from his shoulders.

Telling Otabek about the extent of his mother’s abuse had also helped. He didn’t feel as though he was hiding a dirty secret about himself anymore; Otabek knew all of his secrets and he wanted him regardless. He had his eyes open to the person Yuri was and he still loved him.

It was fucking baffling to him, but he either accepted it or he didn’t. If he didn’t, Otabek would no longer be his either so it was an easy decision to make. Nothing was going to be resolved over night and they had a lot to work out between them about how their long-distance relationship was going to work, but he was full of hope.

He had faith they were going to make it; he just had to remember that when Otabek disappeared behind those gates tomorrow and he no longer had the strong arms around him, anchoring him.


	15. Goodbye

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Apologies for the delayed chapter, I need to sort myself. I will finish this, I promise!

Eyes glued to a sleeping Yuri, Otabek wiped a stray tear from his cheek.

He told himself he was being childish, that he and Yuri would talk over the phone constantly, just as they always had. They could video chat. Text. Email. Snapchat. Sext. There were so many forms of communication available to them, but none of them would allow him to hold Yuri close. Inhale his scent. Be instantly aware the moment Yuri began to struggle.

It hurt so much and he hadn’t even left yet.

With their hectic and often conflicting schedules, there was no predicting when they were going to see each other. They had been assigned to different events in the Grand Prix. The lack of certainty was eating him alive.

What made it worse was the fact that his heart wasn’t in the skating anymore. He would finish the season because he was committed. After that he was going to look into some college courses that were close to Yuri.

His parents would support him; as long as he was following his dreams they would support him. Ever since Jon had died, he had tried to live every day to the fullest and living for other people was the opposite of that.

“You’re staring at me,” Yuri yawned, his stunning features coming alive.

Otabek slid a hand over his defined stomach, teasing the trail down to his cock “When you have the most beautiful boyfriend in the world, it’s kind of hard not to stare at him sleeping. Or when he’s awake. Or when you’re inside of him.”

Yuri sprung into action, straddling his waist. “I’m pretty sure I have the most beautiful boyfriend in the world.”

“Well, then, you can sympathise with my problem.”

Yuri laughed, the sound warming Otabek’s soul. He had to trust that Yuri would be okay in his absence. Had to trust that Yuri wanted to be okay. To take care of himself. “Do you know how much you mean to me?”

Vulnerability bled across his face. “I think so.”

“What is it going to take for it to sink in?” Otabek asked with a smile on his face. “How can I show you?” His tone was flirtatious this time.

Yuri pretended to think about it. “Ahhh, maybe you could kiss me?”

“I kiss you all the time,” Otbaek pointed out, stroking Yuri’s strong thighs.

“That’s right, you do. I need something more than a kiss.”

Otabek laughed softly. “Yura, if I had sex with you any more than I already do, you’re training would suffer.”

“Your mind is so dirty,” Yuri teased him. “I was only talking about a hug.”

“Sure,” Otabek said, unconvinced. “So you don’t want me inside of you this morning?”

“Now, now, I didn’t say that, did I?” Yuri lowered his mouth to Otabek’s, pressing a sweet kiss to his lips. He would never get enough of Yuri’s kisses, he was pretty sure he could live off them alone with nothing else sustaining him.

Both already naked, Otabek had easy access to Yuri’s cock. He wrapped his hand around the stiff length, loving the way Yuri trembled on top of him. Never one to stay placid for very long, Yuri began rocking his hips back and forth, purposely teasing Otabek with his movements.

With his other hand, Otabek reached around and started playing with Yuri’s entrance, knowing it was a sure way to make him lose his mind. Lube soon became a necessity, so he searched blinding for some in the drawer next to the bed.

He was about to get up and reverse their positions when Yuri pushed against his chest, sensual smile on his lips. “I want to ride you.”

Anyone who protested at that was a fucking idiot.

Otabek was many things; an idiot wasn’t one of them. Yuri scooted down the bed a little, taking the lube from his hand. A gasp flew from his lips when Yuri wrapped those irresistible lips around his cock, taking him all the way to the back of his throat.

There was nothing he could do but lay there and take the pleasure Yuri gave to him. _So fucking good. _

“Yura,” his murmured without thought.

Yuri’s eyes met his, so enticing and innocent. A lethal combination.

“Need you.” Needed inside that ass he was certain had been created for him alone. “Please.”

How the tables had turn, him begging Yuri for relief.

Yuri released his cock, making a show of running his tongue up the length and around the slit, licking away a pearl of pre-cum. Restraint snapping, Otabek growled. “Get your ass up here.”

Yuri looked at him questioningly.

“Up here.”

With slight hesitation, Yuri straddled his body. Otabek used his strength to position Yuri’s ass directly above his face. Yuri squealed in surprised when Otabek tongued his hole. Inwardly, Otabek smiled, glad that there were still things he had to introduce Yuri too. He may be a lot more experience than when Otabek had first arrived in Russia, but it was nice to know that he could still shock his lover.

Otabek spent a lot of time enjoying himself, licking and thrusting his tongue inside Yuri, making him pliant and breathless. When he wasn’t breathless, he was calling Otbaek’s name, moaning with abandonment.

“Beka!” Yuri’s sounds of pleasure were encouraging him. “Please fuck me. Now. Please,” he begged.

He had no willpower where Yuri was concerned. He loosened his grip on Yuri’s hips, allowing him to straddle Otabek’s waist. Otabek watched, mesmerised, as Yuri’s lubed up fingers disappeared behind him. He could picture it so clearly, Yuri’s long fingers spreading the lube around his hole.

Heart hammering inside his chest, he traced the length of Yuri’s cock, their eyes meeting as a shiver exploded down Yuri’s spine. He propped himself up, taking hold of Otabek’s dick. No more than a second later, Otabek tensed, his whole body reacting to the sensation of Yuri’s tight ass bearing down on his dick.

Yuri’s athleticism was evident in his every moment, the way he rocked his hips back and forth, the stamina he had, his weightlessness. He made riding cock look easy; Otabek knew from experience that it wasn’t.

He was in awe.

His cock was on fire, searching for release in the depths of Yuri’s tight body. He wanted to keep his eyes on the magnificent display that was Yuri Plisetsky, but he could barely concentrate on anything. He was overtaken by pure sensation, his thrusts guided by the raw need consuming his body.

“Beka,” Yuri panted, working his hips so fucking good.

The pair of them had both given themselves over to their desires, uncaring of the sounds of slapping flesh filling the air, their indecent moans. Nothing else mattered but finding pleasure in each other.

Yuri altered his angle so that he could lean over Otabek’s body and steal breathless kisses from his lips. Otabek’s fingertips bit into Yuri’s soft skin, his cock nearing the point of shattering. Yuri’s breath was hot against his face, the broken sobs coming from his lips, almost blistering Otatek’s lips.

Otabek had the presence of mind left to wrap his hand around Yuri’s cock. He only managed a few pumps before Yuri was coming all over his abs and chest, his ass contracting around Otabek’s cock, cries echoing from the walls.

There was nothing Otabek to do to halt his own release. There was nothing he wanted to do to halt his own release. It took a hold of his fast causing him to slam inside Yuri with the force of it.

Gasping, shaken and completely satisfied, Otabek allowed himself to be taken along for the ride.

Yuri collapsed on top of him, his weight so reassuring in that moment. Otabek held him close, aware that they only had a matter of hours left to savour each other.

They spent the rest of the day lounging in bed, moving to the sofas only to watch a couple of movies. Yuri was trying his best to keep the sadness at bay. Moping around on their last day together was selfish when Otabek was being so strong for him. He could only do the same for the man he loved.

So they laughed, had a lot of sex and by mid-afternoon, Yuri was helping Otabek pack away his things. That affected him more than he thought it would. Over the last few weeks, Otabek’s possessions had become mixed with his own and with them all packed away, his apartment seemed bare.

Otabek caught him standing in the middle of the room, staring into empty space. His strong arms came around Yuri’s body, giving Yuri permission to sink into the hold.

“I’m sorry, I didn’t want to be sad today,” he sniffed.

“We’re both hurting and that’s okay. You don’t need to hide it from me.”

“You’re hiding your pain from me,” Yuri’s voice was muffled against Otabek’s neck.

Yuri felt Otabek sigh. “I guess you’re right. I don’t mean to do that, I just want to –“ he cut himself off. “I’m such an asshole. Pretending to be fine, making you feel like you should be too.”

Now he was making Otabek feel bad. “That’s not what I meant, Beka. I just don’t want you to think that you can’t let me see you hurting. I can handle it.”

“I know,” Otabek said. “I know.”

Time stood still as they held each other, allowing each other to take a few minutes to accept their pain. Give comfort.

“How long do we have?”

Otabek looked at his watch. “Victor will be coming in thirty minutes to take us to the airport.”

_No! No! No! _

Remaining quiet, he fingered Otabek’s hoody. He looked so good in it; it would smell of him for days, maybe even weeks if he didn’t wash it. “Can I keep this?”

Otabek smiled. “It’s too big for you, but yes, you can keep it. Are you going to sleep in it?”

“Maybe,” he answered.

“You better wash it before you return it to me,” he said, taking off the item of clothing. He helped Yuri into it, admiring the view once he had it on. Yuri could make anything look good, even his drab old clothes. 

“Who says I’m going to give it back?”

Otabek hooked an arm around Yuri’s neck. “I’ll make you.”

Yuri raised his brow. “How are you going to do that? I’m a lot faster than you are, everyone knows that.”

“You little shit,” Otabek said, laughing as he did so. He pulled back a little. “I’m going to miss you so much.”

“I’ve not going to leave you alone. I want constant texts, phone calls and photos from my man. If I don’t get them, I’m going to come and find you.”

“Hmm, maybe I won’t do as I’m asked then.”

Yuri’s expression turned indignant. “Beka, you better fucking answer my calls. I will be so mad if you don’t.”

Considering Yuri’s experiences of people he loved abandoning him, Otabek reassured him. “I’m joking, Yura. I can’t promise I’ll always be able to answer the phone when you call, but I will always return them. I’ll always text you back.”

Feathers smoothed, Yuri plastered his body against Otabek’s once again. “This is our goodbye, I don’t want a bunch of nosey bastards watching me cry at the airport.”

There were tears in his eyes now, his voice clogged down with them. Otabek’s heart twisted. He swiped away Yuri’s tears with his thumb. “Okay, our goodbye is now, but it won’t be forever. A few months at the longest.”

Yuri nodded, biting his lip. “We’re going to be okay, right?”

“Yes,” Otabek said with absolute confidence. He had no doubt about it. There would be challenges ahead, but he believed they were strong enough to overcome them together.

Yuri took a deep breath, looping his arms around Otabek’s waist. “I’m going to be the most annoying long-distance boyfriend, you should know that right now.”

“I knew that from the moment we got together,” Otabek chuckled, stroking Yuri’s hair. “You keep forgetting that I know you better than anyone else in this world.”

Yuri made a contented sound. “You’re right. So however annoying I become, it’s your own fault.”

They were talking shit, but it helped to lessen the depressing mood that had become more pronounced throughout the day. Otabek had to keep telling himself that their separation was only temporary. It didn’t do much to alleviate the pain. He wasn’t going to see Yuri in person for weeks, possibly months.

_Don’t think about it, you idiot._

How could he not?

Having Yuri in his arms only highlighted exactly what he was going to be missing once they were separated.

_Stop. Thinking. About. It. _

He could almost hear the sound of his teeth grinding from the effort of trying to channel his thoughts in another direction.

“I love you,” he whispered in Yuri’s ear. He would never tire of saying the words, never tire of hearing them from Yuri’s lips.

Yuri seemed to crumple against him, the words destroying any resolution he had to dry his tears. Guilt spun it’s web inside Otebek, but he knew he couldn’t leave without saying the words again and again.

His beautiful, resilient boyfriend met his eyes dead on, not hiding the fact that tears were now streaming down his face. “I love you too.”

“It’s not forever,” he repeated, as much for himself as for Yuri.

Yuri kissed him, pouring every ounce of his love into the act. Otabek could feel it pouring from him in waves. He hoped Yuri could feel it coming from him too.

A knock sounded at the door, interrupting their emotional embrace.

Their time was up.


	16. An Unexpected Photo

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> To make up for my lack of attention on this story, I've spent most of my free time writing this out on my phone so I could do a speedy update! It's shown me how productive I can be if i stop scrolling through Instagram haha

Panting, Yuri skated over to his coaches, becoming slightly nauseated at the sight of their happiness. He despised the childish, weak part of himself that was bitterly jealous of them. They, too, had been through a lot – long separations, adversity, homophobia. Yuri had no right to be their hard earned happiness.

But he was.

Otabek had been gone a week and it was worse than Yuri could have imagined. His heart physically ached. If he hadn’t promised Otabek he would take care of himself, he had no doubt he would’ve been wallowing in his bed right now.

“Yurio, you’re looking a little tired out there! What’s wrong with you?”

Yuri scowled at Victor, wish he could pull that silver hair from his roots to teach him a lesson. “Shut up, old man. I’m fine.” He reached them, sagging against the barrier a little. He had pushed himself this past week. He had needed it, knowing it would help him sleep so he wasn’t up thinking about how much he missed Otabek all night.

“You’ve been so moody since Otabek left. If you don’t cheer up, I’m going to call him and tell him to do something to lift your spirits.”

“Call him and you die,” Yuri warned. Victor wasn’t worrying Beka for no good reason. He was trying, truly trying to push through the cloud of sorrow which seemed to follow him everywhere he went. So he had no patience for Victor’s bullshit.

Katsuki elbowed his husband in the ribs. “You can be so insensitive at times. He doesn’t need to be reminded of Otabek every five minutes.”

“Well it’s not like he’s gone forever. Look at us. Married, living together. We may even have children in a few years. Don’t worry,” he directed at Yuri, “I’ll always consider you my first born.” Yuri just shook his head, whilst Victor continued. “Yuri, you must treat us as role models. We ensured much to be together today.”

“You’re so annoying, like a fly buzzing around my face who just won’t quit,” Yuri said, though on the inside, he saw the value in Victor’s words. They mirror his own thoughts from earlier. The couple had been through a lot and yet, they had thrived. He want that for himself and Beka, however, he wasn’t going to admit to Victor that he was right. “What time is it, anyway?”

Katsuki looked at his watch. “ Approaching five. We should call it quits for today, why don’t you come back to our place for dinner? Victor will cook you dinner to make up for his insensitivity.”

Yuri thought about it for a moment. Could he endure the couple for an entire evening after being with them all day? On the other hand, he was craving a home-cooked meal. “Fine, I’ll come.”

Half an hour later, Yuri was sat on their sofa, giving Victor’s idiotic dog some attention. Victor and Katsuki were in the kitchen so he took the opportunity to text Otabek, whilst giving his body some much needed rest.

_Y: If I murder Victor, will you still love me?_

The reply was almost instantaneous.

_O: Yes, but please bear in mind that I won’t be able to touch you if you were sent to prison. No sex for Yuri._

_Y: You’re such a buzzkill!!!_

_O: Only because I love you. What’s Victor done to deserve death by skater?_

_Y: Be himself. _

He sent another text immediately, elaborating.

_Y: Him and Katsuki are all over each other. He’s rubbing it in my face._

_O: They’re always all over each other. You’re just noticing it more now because you want to be all over me. _

_Y: True. Still, he’s so fucking annoying. Katsuki made him cook dinner for me though so I might forgive him. I miss you _ _☹_ _ Have you been on the ice today?_

_O: Unfortunately, coach is being an asshole. I miss you too. It’s harder than I thought it would be, not seeing you everyday. And I’m really horny :P_

Was Beka trying to give him a boner on purpose? Hadn’t he just mentioned being at Victor’s house? To be fair, he was also missing the sex. He hadn’t considered that he would feel it’s absence so keenly, only being introduced to it for the first time a month ago.

Another message popped up.

Yuri gasped when he opened it, a photo of Beka’s cock filling the screen. Fuck. They had talked about sending nudes, but Yuri hadn’t thought it was Beka’s kind of thing. He should have known that his man could still surprise him.

He glanced over his shoulder, making sure the dumbasses weren’t going to sneak up behind him and get an eyeful of Otabek’s dick. No one saw that but him.

Why was Otabek doing this to him? He suppressed a groan, his own cock twitching at the thought of Beka handling himself, stroking with urgency. He was going to have to call him. There was no way he would get through dinner in comfort with the growing erection in his pants.

“I’m going to the bathroom,” he yelled, scrambling up from the sofa. The dog gave him a sly look, as if he knew exactly what Yuri was about to do. He hit the call button on the way to the bathroom, deliberating whether to beg Otabek to talk dirty to him or shout at him for making him masturbate in his coaches house.

Otabek’s husky voice filled the line; his whole body responded the familiar sound. “That took you less than a minute to call me.”

Yuri shut the bathroom door behind him, leaning his head against the door. “What do you expect when you send me a photo of your cock? Are you trying to torture me?”

A throaty chuckle. “Of course not. I just wanted you to hear your voice, come whilst listening to you.”

“So that photo was only taken just now?”

“Yes. I’m lying on my bed.”

“Naked?”

“Hmmm. Push down your pants.”

Blood pounded in his ears. “Beka, dinner will be ready soon…” He didn’t really know why he was protesting.

“Are you refusing me?” There was an edge to his voice that sent a delicious shiver down Yuri’s spine. That was why he protested; he had been aching to hear that tone from Otabek’s lips.

“No,” Yuri answered.

“Good. Now push down your pants.” Yuri did as he was told, giving himself over to Otabek’s very capable hands. “Make your finger nice and wet for me.”

Fuck, he was so turned on by this. Should he be this excited by Otabek when they weren’t even in the same country? He really didn’t give a shit.

Lubricated his finger, he asked Beka, “What do you want me to do next?”

“I think you know,” Otabek said, his words teasing along Yuri’s skin.

“I want to hear you say it.”

“Finger yourself. I want you to tell me how tight you are.”

Yuri reached around behind himself, sliding his finger down between his cheeks, nudging his hole. There was more resistance than he figured there would be. “I can’t even get one finger in,” he told Otabek, knowing it would drive him crazy.

Beka’s breath came heavily. “Play with yourself a little and slid it in.”

“I am. Fuck, Beka, I am so tight. I need you to stretch me open. How hard are you?”

“Like rock, Yura. Only for you.” Yuri moaned when his finger slipped inside his body, his mind pretending it was Otabek. “Has your ass been lonely without me?”

“Oh god, yes,” Yuri whispered. He could almost feel it, Otabek’s rigid length massaging his prostate, inflicting bursts of intense pleasure. The way his heavy balls slapped against his ass cheeks. His firm grip, leaving Yuri no room to escape.

“I bet you want to touch your cock now, don’t you?”

_Fuck, yes. _“Can I?” he asked, pleaded.

“Yes, but as far as I’m concerned I’m still pounded into that hole. Remember that.”

Yuri whimpered, taking his cock in a firm grip. He could have done with some lube, but he way past caring about mundane shit like that. He just needed to cum.

Otabek’s whispered in his ear. “The sounds you make drive me senseless.”

“Beka.” His name was a broken cry, a prayer. For a couple of minutes, there was no distance between them. They were lost in each other, the experience bringing them as close together as two people could be.

“I’m cuming,” Otbaek’s voice burst from the phone, his broken breaths sending Yuri over the edge. Yuri stifled a cry, having enough presence of mind to know that he could easily get caught as he wasn’t in his own home.

Legs not quite stable, he leant against the door. “I can’t believe you made me do that,” Yuri moaned. Victor and Katsuki would know what he’d been doing. How mortifying. Especially after he had been nagging them all day for kissing each other.

“It’s your fault. I was thinking about how good it felt when you were riding my cock the day I left. See – your fault.”

Yuri rolled his eyes at that, wiping up his cum from the floor. “You’re almost as annoying as Victor.”

Otabek laughed. “Please take that back.”

“Fine, but only because I’m feeling magnanimous.”

There was a few beats of silence. “I’m miserable, Yuri. When can we see each other again?”

A sharp pain sliced through his chest. Hearing Otabek’s suffering was worse than enduring his own. “As soon as we can, even if it’s only for a weekend. Maybe I can come to you? I’ll discuss it with Katsuki.”

“Not Victor?”

“No, he’s a secret slave driver. Katsuki is a hopeless romantic and Victor listens to him. If I get him onside, I could be with you tomorrow.”

Otabek sighed. “Promise me you’ll only come if they both say it’s okay. I don’t want your training to suffer after you’ve already had to take so much time out.”

“I’ll be a good boy and get their permission,” Yuri said.

“Good, I’ll reward you. How did therapy go yesterday?” Otabek asked, causally. Well, he attempted to be casual. Yuri could understood what he was really asked. Had he gone to his second therapy session? They’d been unable to talk on the phone so he hadn’t had a chance to fill Beka in properly.

The first had been…uncomfortable. He had tried to be as honest as possible and it had left him feeling as if someone had ripped open his chest and delved inside, rooting around for his life’s story. Going back for the second session had taken a lot of willpower, because the first had shown him what to expect.

At the end of the day, he trusted Beka. If it had helped him come to terms with the death of his first love, Yuri had to have faith that it would work for him too. All he had to do was persist with it.

He responded to Beka, aware he had zoned out a little. “It was okay, I guess.”

“I’m proud of you for going. Believe me, I know how difficult it can be. I’m so lucky that I have such a brave boyfriend.”

Yuri smiled. He’d never considered himself a brave person before. He was a survivor, flailing around just to get through the day. He supposed it did take a little courage to keep going when sometimes all he wanted to do was flee. Run and hide so that he didn't have to deal with any of the crap that went on in his mind.

“I’m so lucky to have such a hot boyfriend who can make me cum from countless miles away.”

“Yuri! Dinner is ready!” Victor’s voice boomed, the sound interrupting his blissed-out afterglow conversation with Otabek.

“Urghh, I’ve got to go,” he said regretfully. “Love you, miss you. Can’t wait to be fucked by you for real.”

Otabek’s warm laughter caressed his ear. “Love you. Miss you. Can’t wait to fuck you again for real.”

Tears welled in Yuri’s eyes. “Bye, Beka.”

“Goodbye.”

“Love you.”

“Love you too.”

With reluctance, Yuri hung up the phone, washed his hands and left the bathroom to join his friends for dinner. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I think I'll check in with Otabek to see how he's coping next :)


	17. The T-Shirt

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey, a bit of a filler chapter. I can't stop making them have cute conversations - think i need to up the angst!

“Beka, you need to snap out of this funk your in,” his sister told him as they walked into their local coffeehouse. It wasn’t the first time she had commented on his mood over the last couple of weeks. “Didn’t you say Yuri is coming for a visit next month? Focus on that.”

“In three weeks,” he answered. It had already been two and a half since he left Russia and it was only becoming more difficult with each passing day. “He’s squeezing in a visit before he has his first competition. I’m excited to see him, but I’m worried it’s going to mess with his performance.”

Aylin’s long hair, the same colour as his own, fell behind her back as she glanced at him. “Do you really think a trip to visit his boyfriend is going to stop him from winning?”

He gave their order to the barista and paid, only continuing their conversation once they were seated at a table in the corner waiting for their coffee order. “No, but he’s already lost so much time on the ice due to his injuries.

“Give him more credit than that,” she said, shrugging off her coat. “He’s too driven to let anything stand in his way of getting first prize in every competition.”

Otabek wanted to say that she hadn’t seen how fragile Yuri had been when he’d first arrived in Russia, how he struggled being out in the open. Skating in front of a large crowd could be triggering for him. He kept those words inside because he doubted Yuri would appreciate anyone else knowing such details about him.

Aylin saw Yuri the way almost everyone else did in the world. Sharp tongued with a prickly exterior. Otabek had no doubts about Yuri’s strength, but Yuri had no walls in place with him. He allowed Otabek to the wounds inside, which was one of the reasons he had always been so protective of Yuri.

“Beka?”

He turned his attention back to his sister. “Sorry, I zoned out.”

She smiled at him. “Yeah, you’ve been doing that a lot lately. Please cheer up, you’ll see him soon.”

How did he cheer up when he felt like he had left a vital piece of himself back in Russia?

“I’ll try,” he said, looking up at the waitress when she brought over their drinks. “Thanks.”

“So are you still planning on quitting skating?” she asked, taking a sip of her latte.

He was surprised she hadn’t asked him that question before now consideration their conversation when he was back in Russia. She didn’t usually possess a lot of patience. “Yes, I’ve made up my mind. I’m planning on telling mom and dad soon, then I’m going to start looking at schools.”

“Near Yuri?”

“Maybe,” he replied, “have you got a problem with that?”

“Not as long as you promise to come and visit me all the time. I know you think I was being unsupportive when we spoke about this before, but I just wanted you to really think about the decision. For all I knew it could have been a reaction to Yuri’s panic attack. I’m sorry if you thought I was…” she shook her head. “I’m your sister, I just want the best for you.”

His heart softened. “I know, I shouldn’t have jumped down your throat, I wasn’t in the best head space that night. But I want you to know that I have thought about it. A lot. You know I love music as much as skating and I’ve never been able to give it enough time or attention. It’s time to move on.”

“And you’re certain?”

“Yes.”

“You aren’t just quitting so your boyfriend doesn’t kick your ass in the rink?”

Otabek laughed. Yuri could definitely kick his ass in the rink, he’d only improved over the last couple of years. Now that Victor and Yuuri had retired, Yuri was his biggest competition. “I think he makes me a better skater if anything. He’s so talented that we’re all having to push ourselves to have a chance of winning.”

“I do have to admit he mesmerizes me every time I watch him.”

High praise coming from Aylin. She followed the sport due to Otabek’s involvement, but she wasn’t a huge fan or anything. “He’s amazing,” he said in a wistful voice. He couldn’t wait to watch Yuri skate again.

“So when is your next music gig?”

“Tonight, actually. I’m doing a set at Blue Moon.”

She frowned. “How come I don’t know about this already? I wanna come and see you!”

“They only called me yesterday, apparently someone pulled out so I’m taking their place. After spending so much time in Russia and the upcoming competition, I wouldn’t have agreed, but I’ve missed it.” He shrugged, holding his coffee. “If I am going to be pursuing music full time, I need to take these opportunities when they come.”

“Just make sure you don’t overwork yourself.”

“I won’t,” he promised, his mind wondering back to Yuri. Otabek had been exchanging texts with Victor. He doubted Yuri would be happy if he found it, but the check-ins with Victor gave him peace of mind that Yuri was in a place of stability. He ignored the stab of guilt every time he did it, reminding himself that he did trust Yuri. It wasn’t a matter of trust. The time he’d spent with Yuri in Russia had highlighted that his boyfriend wasn’t even aware when he was spiralling.

So how could he expect Yuri to tell him if something was wrong if he didn’t even recognise it himself? Hopefully his therapy sessions would help him look out for the signs and teach him coping mechanisms he could use when the need arose.

“So can I come tonight?” Aylin asked.

“Sure.” He would take any support he could get. A few of his friends were going and he knew they would look out for Aylin whilst he was working.

Her face lit up. “Yes! I fucking love being an adult. I can see how much mom and dad are dying to tell me what I should or shouldn’t be doing, but they feel like they can’t say anything now I’m eighteen.”

“It’s not like they’ve even kept you on a short leash,” Otabek reminded her. He always forgot that Aylin and Yuri were around the same age because Aylin seemed a lot younger in comparison. Yuri could be a brat when he wanted, but his shitty upbringing had forced him into adulthood a lot sooner than most. Being a competitive skater had surely had a part in it too, travelling to foreign countries from a young age and having to interact with a range of different people.

Aylin was only just beginning that phase of her life. Their parents had sheltered her to an extent, as any good parents should.

Fuck, how could he navigate every conversation he had back to thoughts about Yuri?

They spent the next half an hour catching up with Aylin filling him in on her job. He didn’t say a lot, content to listen to her stories.

“I’m so bummed that I can’t see you do your set,” Yuri sighed into his ear. Otabek close his eyes, wishing it were Yuri’s warm breath he could feel rather than the phone against his ear.

They were squeezing in a call before he had to leave for the club, and Yuri had to go to sleep. Otabek had somehow managed to convince his coach to start their practice later than usual in the morning, but Yuri would be getting out of his bed before the sun rose.

“Me too, it always gives me a buzz when you’re in the crowd. I used to hate watching you dance with other people.” He scowled at the images the thought brought up. Yuri’s lean body rubbing against another man. He’d hated it, though he had never been able to put his finger on the reason why.

“Oh shut up,” Yuri yawned, “I had to watch with your girlfriends. I think I had it worse than you.”

Otabek’s stomach twisted. Could he have handled watching Yuri with another person? Even though he had been in denial about his romantic feelings towards Yuri, he had always been anxious about the thought of Yuri in a relationship. “I’m sorry,” he apologised.

Yuri’s voice was airy when he responded. “It’s fine. To be fair, you probably could have been arrested if we had started having sex when I was any younger.”

Otabek let out a bark of laughter. “That is true.”

“So it all worked out like it was meant to.”

Yeah, it had, Otabek thought with a smile. “I can’t believe you talked Victor into letting you come here for the weekend. Did you have to bribe him?”

“No,” Yuri said, his tone sulky. “He was a bit of an asshole about it.”

Interest piqued, Otabek asked,“What did he say?” Yuri hadn't elaborated when he had sent he messaging letting Otabek know he was coming for a visit.

“That I was old enough to make my own decisions so if I failed at the competition because I visited you, it would be my own fault.”

“Yuri…” he began.

“Don’t,” Yuri interrupted him. “I’m coming. You stayed here for almost a month, I can take a couple of days for you. I want to. Don’t you want to see me?”

Otabek rolled his eyes at Yuri’s obvious attempt at manipulation. “Of course I do, I just don’t want it cost you too much.”

“Why does everyone keeping forgetting them I’m fucking awesome? I’ve been training non-stop for weeks. I’m fully healed and I’m almost back at the top of my game. Overtraining is dangerous too, you know. I’m allowed to take a break.”

“Never thought I would hear you admit you want to take a break.”

“That was before I had a sexy boyfriend who I miss so much that my heart hurts. Also, introducing a guy to sex and then leaving him celibate for a month is just fucking cruel.”

Otabek laughed. Yuri never failed to make him laugh; it was one of the things he loved most about him. There had been a time in his life, after Jon, that he had given up hope of being able to experience joy again. Yuri had played a huge part in healing him.

“Do you want me to apologise for having sex with you?”

“As I recall, I didn’t give you much a choice,” Yuri chuckled.

“You’re right about that. Shamelessly offering yourself to me. Fuck,” he said when his cock began to get hard, “we need to stop talking about sex. I need to leave in a few minutes. Aylin will never let me hear the end of it if she’s sees I have a hard-on.”

“Beka, I always thought you would have more self-control.”

He groaned, “How can I have any self-control when you’re so sexy?”

“I’m not feeling very sexy right now. I’m wrapped up in my bed, my hair is wild so I stuck it in a bun which has already fallen out. My feet are covered in blisters and I have a huge bruise forming on my ass from the ice. I have your hoody on and I still haven’t washed it since you left.”

Instead of being repulsed, he fell a little more in love. Yuri was real, honest. Perfect. “I stole one of your t-shirts,” he admitted. He felt stupid for keeping it secret for so long.

“You stole one of my t-shirts?” Yuri asked in a strange voice. “Which one?”

“The black one with the three cats,” Otabek answered. “I sleep with it next to my pillow.” He would never admit that to anyone else. Yuri was ruining any chance he had of being a bad-ass. “I haven’t washed it either.”

Yuri’s silence was unnerving him.

Did Yuri think he was some kind of psychotic stalker? No, Yuri had taken his hoody. But he had asked for it, rather than just stealing it.

“Yura?”

“You stole my t-shirt,” he whispered.

“Yeah,” Otabek said, completely confused by Yuri’s reaction.

“You love me.”

Otabek’s brow creased. “Yes.”

“I took your hoody because I love you.”

“Yuri, are you okay?”

A sniffle. “I just… you said you loved me and I wanted to believe you. I did, I think. The t-shirt just gives me proof, you know?”

_Oh Yuri. _Tears burned at the back of Otabek’s eyes. The vulnerability Yuri showed absolutely wrecked him. He was privileged that someone as skittish as Yuri trusted him. He was privilege that the man he loved, loved him back. He wouldn’t take it for granted.

“I can’t believe a t-shirt it that thing that convinced you of my love,” Otabek said with a watery laugh.

“I never said I was going to make this easy for you,” Yuri replied.

“Loving you is as easy as breathing.”

Another moment of silence. “Shit, you can be a romantic asshole. Never expected that from you either.”

“It’s just the truth.”

“Beka, you need to go. It’s nine-thirty.”

Otabek looked at his watch, disappointed to see that it was time for him to leave. It wasn’t getting any easier to hang up the phone. He sighed, imagining Yuri wrapped up in his blanket, wishing he could be holding Yuri instead. “Okay. Love you, miss you. Can’t wait to fuck you,” he said, the words becoming a kind of ritual for them. They varied depending on who was ending the call, but the consistency of them was like a soothing poultice against his aching heart.

Yuri whispered, “Love you. Miss you. Can’t wait to be fucked by you. Love you.”


	18. The Threat

“Yurio, do you want a lift home?” Victor called from behind him. It took a couple of seconds for Yuri to figure out his coach was talking to him. He had been glued to his phone for the last five minutes, texting Otabek. Only two more weeks until they saw each other!

He glanced behind him to Victor and Katsuki. “No thanks. See you tomorrow.”

The thought of walking home by himself was not a welcome one, which is exactly why he had to do it. He had to get rid of the residual anxiety from the attack and the only was he was going to do that was face challenges head on.

What his therapist would think of that plan, he wasn’t sure. At this point, he didn’t care. He started competitions in last than a month and just thinking about all the people who would be watching him – of all the people who had seen the video of him get his ass kicked – was enough to have his chest tightening.

So he was walking home by himself, whether he liked it or not.

His phone dinged as he left the rink; a welcome distraction from his wayward thoughts.

_O: Phone sex tonight?_

_He snorted._

_Y: Such a romantic, Beka!_

_O: I stole your t-shirt._

Yuri smiled at that, thinking back on their conversation from last week. He still couldn’t believe that Otabek stole his t-shirt.

_Y: :P_

_O: So is that a yes?_

_Y: Ummmmmmm…._

_O: You’re such a tease. I can’t take it._

Yuri laughed softly.

_Y: Why are you whining? You know I’m always greedy for you. Like I’m gonna say no to any form of sex with you. _

_O: I don’t whine. _

Shit, he could just imagine Beka pouting. Fucking adorable.

_Y: We both know that’s a lie._

Eager to get home as quickly as possible, he slipped his phone into his back pocket. He would continue to text Otabek once he was in his apartment. Yuri walked with speed, the sun fading in the sky, casting pink and orange hues that even he had to admit were beautiful.

Attention focused on the colours, he had no warning when his arm was caught in a harsh grip, his body thrown against the brick wall against the sidewalk, as if he were weighed nothing. Fear slithered it’s way inside him, his mind taking him back to the night he had been attacked.

“Yuri Plisetsky?”

Yuri couldn’t respond, words dying in his throat. He didn’t recognise the guy holding him up against the wall, but it didn’t bode well that the man knew his name. His beefy hand wrapped around Yuri’s throat, squeezing with ease. Yuri looked into the stranger’s brown eyes. They were cold, flat. Unyielding.

“You don’t have to answer me. Just listen,” the man said, his bald head reflected the dying sunlight. “Your faggot friend needs to stop asking questions about the Vasiliev’s, keep his nose out where it doesn’t belong. You tell him, make him understand, otherwise it will be your career that is over. I’ll break your legs in half and you’ll never walk again, let alone skate.”

Heart slamming inside of his chest, Yuri could only listen to the threats, spit from the man’s mouth hitting against his face. He believed this man could break his legs without a second thought. His usual confidence was gone, taken by the possibility of never skating again.

“You understand me?” he spat.

Yuri nodded, trying to keep himself together.

The man let go of his throat and slapped him around the face, laughing, as if their conversation had been a joke between old friends. That riled Yuri’s wrath; he couldn’t stop the hateful look he gave his attacker.

The smile turned sinister. “Ahh, there’s the little brat I’ve seen on TV. You think you’re a match for me, huh?”

Pain exploded in his ribs, knocking the air out of his lungs. He managed to stay up on his feet until the second blow came. He coughed, distantly aware of the asshole laughing at him. _Stay down. Stay down. He’ll leave. _

Yuri could almost hear Otabek’s calm, collected voice in his head, instructing him as if he were right beside him. He remained on the cold floor, curling himself into a tight ball. Hands tugged at his hair, yanking his head upwards. His attacker’s voice was close to his ear. “I’ll be watching Yuri. Mr Vasiliev is a powerful man with connections everywhere. Make another idiotic move and you’ll be facing the consequences.”

With that he threw Yuri against the floor and left. Shaken, Yuri rose on unsteady legs, holding a hand to his aching ribs.

Fuck. “Fuck!,” he banged a closed fist against the wall, screaming in incompetent anger.

He wiped away the useless tears and jogged home. He didn’t know if he was being paranoid, but it felt as if someone were watching him already. Like there was a target on his back or something.

Reaching in apartment, he slammed the door behind him, locking it. Breath heaving, he slid against the door, allowing the tears to fall from his eyes. Potya walked up him, purring and rubbing against his leg. Cradling the cat in his arms, he buried his face in her thick fur.

_Call Otabek._

Everything inside of him craved to hear Otabek’s voice. He was the only one that could soothe his hurt, the fear.

_Call him. _

No. He couldn’t. It was selfish to worry him when he was in another country and there was no way he would be able to stay composed once he heard Beka’s gentle voice. Miserable, he have Potya some dinner, stripped and then fell into bed.

Yuri rolled over when he heard his phone vibrating on his bedside table. He didn’t have to look at the Caller ID to know that it was Otabek calling him. He didn’t dare to even touch his phone, knowing he didn’t have the willpower to keep from answering if it were in his hands. Ribs aching, he shifted until he got into a better position, closed his eyes, cuddled against Potya and willed himself to sleep.

Getting out of bed with a groan, Yuri stepped into the bathroom. He took care of business before taking a shower. Looking down at his body, he traced the new bruising across his ribs, praying that it wasn’t deep.

If he had any sense, he would call off practice today. But if he did that, his coaches would know that something was wrong. As much as he liked to throw names at them, neither of them were stupid.

He had to keep his mouth shut about the Vasilievs’. Yuri one hundred percent believed that the assholes would do everything in their considerable power to end his career if Victor didn’t stop sticking his nose in. But how the hell was he supposed to order Victor to stop without tipping him off that the Vasilievs’ had threatened him?

He shut the shower off, drying himself with a towel. Skipping breakfast, he went back into his bedroom and rummaged around for his phone. It usually ended up somewhere by his feet.

Three missed calls from Beka.

_O: Guess you fell asleep. Have good dreams. Love you. _

The guilt was like a rock lodged inside his chest. He should tell Beka what had happened last night. Beka deserved the truth from him.

But…

He threw his phone on the bed, watching it land on the soft furnishing with a bounce. Lowering himself to the bed, he held his head in his hands. Beka deserved the truth.

But…

There wasn’t anything he could do! Wasn’t Yuri saving him pain by keeping him in the dark? Victor had tried to help and it had just made the situation worse.

His phone started vibrating.

Dread reached into every cell. Yuri reached back and grabbed his phone.

Beka.

He had to answer or he would know for sure something was up.

“Hey,” Yuri said into the phone, his throat dry.

“Morning, baby.”

Yuri closed his eyes, holding onto those precious words. Fuck, he couldn’t keep this from Otabek. “Beka…” his voice broke.

Otabek snapped to attention. “Yuri, what’s going on?”

The words flew from his mouth. “I…I was walking home last night. A man grabbed me, pushed me up against a wall. He had his hands around my throat, threatening me. Apparently Victor has been asking questions about Henri Vasiliev and his son, Alexi. I guess trying to find a way for me to press charges without giving up skating. I don’t know, Beka, he just said if we didn’t leave it, he was going to destroy me.”

A moment of silence. “Did he hurt you?”

“He punched me a couple of times in the ribs,” Yuri sniffed, remembering the fear that had crippled his body. 

“Did you get them checked out?”

“No,” Yuri answered quietly.

“Yuri, you need to get them checked over by a medical professional.”

“No, what if they’re…” Broken? Fractured? If they were, his skating season was finished before it began. They would take weeks to heal.

“God, Yuri, please just think about your wellbeing. Bench skating for a second – I need to know my boyfriend isn’t walking around with a serious injury. You need to call Victor and get him to come to your apartment. Then you go to your doctor.”

“Beka,” he protested.

“No, Yuri,” he said in an uncompromising tone that Yuri had never heard from him before. “You will go to your doctor. Once Victor gets to your apartment, you’ll put me on speaker.”

Yuri rose from the bed, agitation making it impossible to stay still. Otabek’s anger was justified, but it was stressing him out. “Beka, please stay calm. I can’t handle you being like this right now.”

“I’m sorry, I’m just so fucking mad. Victor should have known better. I’ll keep my temper in check.”

Not words he had ever thought he would hear Otabek say. He was supposed to be the level-headed one in their relationship. “I’ll call Victor now.”

“Okay,” Otabek said in a softer voice. “Thank for you telling me.”

“I should have called you last night,” Yuri mumbled, still feeling guilty that he hadn’t. If Otabek had suffered any kind of injury, he would want to know immediately.

“Yeah, you should have, but it’s okay. We can talk about that later, I just want you to be safe. Healthy. Call Victor.”

“I’ll do it now,” he promised before hanging up the phone.

Victor answered a couple of minutes later. Yuri asked him and Katsuki to come to his apartment without giving any further details. He didn’t want to get into it over the phone. They arrived fifteen minutes later, Yuri opening the door to a smiling Victor, Katsuki at his side.

“Yurio! Aren’t you feeling well? Why did you make us come over here so early? I thought we were meeting at the rink later on this morning?” Victor asked, a whirlwind of energy as he strolled into the apartment, holding his husband’s hand.

Yuri didn’t know how to respond. He knew he should have been mad at Victor for interfering, but he also knew that once Victor had found out what had happened, he would be devastated. The man was sensitive, his emotions always so close to the surface. Yuri knew he was going to take it hard.

Katsuki gave Yuri a hug. “Sorry, he woke up with loads of energy this morning. He was just about to go for a run when you called.”

Victor arms came around Katuski’s shoulders from behind. “I’m here, husband. No need to talk about me as though I’m not. Now Yuri, what’s going on?”

His stomach sunk as his phone vibrated in his hand.

He wanted to spare Victor from this. He considered just ignoring Otabek’s call, but with the mood he had been in when they spoke earlier, he knew his boyfriend wasn’t going to let this go so easily.

There was no way he was letting Beka yell at Victor without warning.

“Someone threatened me last night. He was connected to the Vasilievs’,” Yuri met their shock looks, forcing the words out quickly. “He said…”

“What did he say Yuri?” Victor pressed, his jovial mood gone in an instant.

Yuri broke eye contact. “To tell you to stay out of it. Otabek’s not happy and I think he wants to shout at you.”

Katsuki wrapped an arm around Victor’s waist, concern radiating from him. Yuri’s phone started vibrated again so he turned around, answering.

“Hey,” he said.

“How are you doing?”

“I’m fine,” he responded, knowing Beka wasn’t going to buy it. The truth was he was terrified. The thought of someone watching his every move, waiting for him to make a mistake – it was going to be torture. If he made that mistake, his life could be in jeopardy.

“Don’t lie to me, Yura. Is Victor there?”

His stomach tightened. “Yeah. Look, Beka, he’s gonna feel bad enough without –

Victor’s voice made him jump. “Put him on speaker if that’s what he wants, Yuri.”

Yuri huffed out a breath, meeting Katsuki’s eye. They both knew this could get ugly. “You’re both so annoying! You’re on speaker, you happy?”

Otabek’s voice filled the room. “Yuri, Victor needs to understand how serious this is. You could have been killed. You could have a fractured rib, for fuck’s sake! How do you expect me to react to that?”

Victor’s gaze cut to Yuri. “What’s he talking about?”

“They guy punched me a couple of times,” he murmured, despising the sight of Victor shutting down. He hated seeing the man he admired like this. He was more fragile than he wanted anyone to see, hiding it with his optimism and outgoing nature.

Katsuki ran up to him. “Let me see!”

Sighing, Yuri pulled up his t-shirt, yanking it straight back down when Katsuki gasped as if a shark had ripped off his arm. “Don’t be so dramatic; they’re just a couple of bruises.”

“You guys need to take him in for an examination,” Otabek said. There was a small pause before he continued, “What the hell were you thinking, Victor? You were the one who told me how dangerous these men could be and yet you put Yuri’s life in danger by being reckless.”

Silence.

“You have nothing to say to that? Yuri trusted you to put his best interests first!”

“Beka,” Yuri admonished, watching Victor just stand there and take it. “I think he gets it. Beside, its not his fault that some asshole beat me up in the first place. He was just trying to help.”

“You could have died!” Otabek yelled back.

“Both of you, shut up!” Katsuki shrieked, surprising the hell out of them both. He then took a calming breath, his cheeks reddening. “I’m sorry for shouting, but everyone needs to take a minute. Otabek, I can understand your anger, but Victor would never put Yuri in danger on purpose. He loves Yurio like he’s family. He is our family.”

Yuri looked at the couple, realising how true that was. Besides Otabek, they were the only people he truly loved. They were always there for him, supporting him even when he was acting like an asshole.

Katsuki continued, “Yuri, you’re not fine and none of us believe that for a second. We are going to the hospital. You will allow the doctor to do every test he deems necessary without making a fuss. And I’m proud of you for telling Otabek about this.”

Tears burned at the back of Yuri’s eyes at the praise.

Finally, Katsuki turned to Victor, taking his face in his hands. “Victor, please don’t go to that place where I can’t reach you. I know you were only trying to help Yuri.”

Victor remained expressionless. Yuri couldn’t stand it anymore, he flung himself at the older man and wrapped his arms around him, knocking Katsuki away and aggravating his ribs in the process. Victor was rigid in his embrace, but that wasn’t going to stop him from saying that he had to say. “I don’t blame you and neither does Beka really, he’s just scared. I know I can be a brat, but you love me despite that. So I can love you when you’re being an idiot and not thinking things through.”

A tremor went through Victor’s body. “You love me?” he whispered.

“Of course I do,” Yuri said, pushing through the lump in his throat. “I love you both. You’ve given me the courage to be who I want to be. To never compromise on who I am.”

Victor’s arm slowly came around him. “You’ve never said that to me before.”

“Because I know how big your head is already,” Yuri smiled, feeling Katsuki join in on their hug.

Victor gathered them both close. “I’m sorry, Yuri. I thought I was being discreet – I hate the thought of them getting away with what they did to you.”

“I don’t like it either, but it’s the way it has to be. We all know that life is rarely fair. I’m just thankful I have you both and Beka. If I have you guys and skating, that’s enough for me.”

Katsuki sniffled next to him. “I love you too, Yuri.”

Yuri smiled, affection welling inside his chest. “I know.”

Victor spoke next. “Otabek, I’m sorry that my reckless behaviour got Yuri hurt.”

Otabek sighed down the phone. “I shouldn’t have been such an asshole. I know you’ve always looked out for him. I just…it’s difficult being away from you, Yuri. I already hated it enough and now I’m terrified that something awful is going to happen.”

Yuri pulled away from Victor and Katsuki and picked up the phone. “Nothing is going to happen to me. We put this all behind us and move on. Agreed?” he asked, looking at Victor in particular.

He nodded. “Agreed.”

Now all he had to do was find a way to actually do that.


	19. Beka

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Just wanted to take a moment to say thanks for the comments and kudos! :)

He wasn’t supposed to be happy that he was injured, right?

Yuri inwardly scolded himself every time that question played on a loop in his mind. Of course he didn’t want to be injured – again so close to competition – however, his doctor had instructed him to wake a week off from the ice which meant he could go and visit Otabek!

Surprisingly, Victor and Katsuki had encouraged him to go. He figured they thought some distance between him and the crazy assholes threatening him wouldn’t hurt. If he were honest, Yuri had instantly relaxed the moment he had set foot on the plane.

The one condition was that he did nothing strenuous. Yuri had readily agreed to it. As long as he could do some light exercises to keep his body in peak condition, he was good and a few bruises on his ribs weren’t going to prevent him from doing that.

Leaving his apartment had been challenging, even with Victor standing right beside him. He had been convinced that someone was following him, ready to carry through with the threat if he made one misstep.

The constant state of fear reminded him too much of his childhood, wreaking havoc on his already heightened emotions. He needed Otabek. Not just his voice. He needed Beka’s arms around him, his scent smothering him until he forgot than anyone else existed.

Focusing on his imminent reunion with Beka, he exited the plane when it landed, becoming increasingly annoyed by how slow the other passengers were moving. With gritted teeth, he endured the lengthy customs process and retrieved his luggage, irritation tapping against his skull in a steady beat. Beka was in the airport waiting for him! Didn’t these idiots understand that?

Once he was done, he switched his phone on, smiling when multiple texts popped up in succession.

O: I’m here!

O: Can’t wait to see you.

O: Call me as soon as your turn on your phone.

O: Why are you taking so long?!?!?!?

Ha! Beka tried to emit a relaxed attitude, but the texts just proved he was every bit as impatient as Yuri.

With his suitcase trailing behind him, Yuri called Otabek. His boyfriend answered immediately, winning him serious points. “Are you here?”

“Hey to you too,” Yuri laughed.

“I will give you a proper welcome when I see you.” Beka gave some vague instructions before saying, “Come find me” in a husky, seductive tone. He ended the call without other word.

Exhilaration fired up in Yuri’s veins as he rushed through the airport, desperate for his first glimpse of Otabek. His eyes were searching. Seeking. They snapped to a lone figure wearing dark jeans and a black leather jacket. Warmth flooded Yuri’s body as he took in the sight of Beka’s ruffled hair and soulful eyes.

Yuri was looking at home.

Beka spotted him a few seconds later, a bright smile lighting up his entire face. It still amazed him that Otabek got excited to see _him. _Yuri Plisetsky. The prickly brat who couldn’t make a friend. Ignoring everyone else bustling around them, Yuri closed the gap between them, throwing himself at Otbaek without hesitation. The action aggravated his ribs, but in that moment, he didn’t care. He basked in the sensation of being wrapped in Beka’s arms. A safe cocoon.

They remained like that for a long time. Yuri could have stayed in the position forever, but eventually Beka drew back, his hands cupping Yuri’s cheeks. “Hey,” he said, his mouth descending on Yuri’s, tongue sweeping inside with ease.

Yuri lost himself in Beka, everything else fading around him. The would could have been on fire and it wouldn’t had torn him from Beka’s grasp.

“Hey,” he whispered against Otabek’s lips, unable to put even the slightest of distance between them. He was falling into Otabek’s eyes. It occurred to him that Beka had to have some superpower because Yuri was mesmerised by him.

“I can’t believe you’re here,” Otabek murmured. He then scowled, no doubt thinking about why it was possible for Yuri to be visiting. “How are your ribs?”

Yuri waved off his concern. “They’re okay, I already gave you the full report over the phone yesterday.” Whilst painful, the bruising didn’t run particularly deep. He would be back to normal in no time. 

“But it couldn’t have been comfortable sitting on that plane for hours.”

“Stop fussing,” Yuri ordered, running his hands down the leather jacket. “I didn’t come here for that. I came to spend time with you.”

“I can fuss over my boyfriend when he’s hurt, Yura.”

“Beka…I don’t like feeling like a victim. Please just let me forget about it all for a week. I just want to be with you, watch you train. Go out to eat. Have sex. Watch some shitty TV.”

Otabek searched his face, expression softening. “I’ll drop it for now.”

Stalling was all he could ask for. Beka wasn’t going to let him get away with avoiding the topic forever. With that out the way, he excitedly asked, “Did you bring your bike?”

“No!” Otabek looked horrified. “You have a suitcase and I didn’t think it would be good for your ribs.”

“Boo! You’re no fun!” Yuri threw back.

Otabek laughed, lines crinkling around his eyes. “I told you someone needs to be the responsible one.” He took hold of Yuri’s suitcase and his hand, tugging him forward. Yuri let himself be pulled along.

“Are we going to your new apartment?” he asked. Otabek had moved out of his parents house about six months ago, a little after Victor and Katsuki’s wedding. As things had been weird between them after that first kiss, Yuri hadn’t had a chance to see it yet.

“Yeah, I didn’t think you’d want to stay with my parents,” he said, amusement flaring. “I think they would be a little shocked if they walked in on us fucking.”

Yuri suppressed a groan. He nearly lost his mind when Otabek swore like that. “Good decision, they still think I’m a kid. Do you tell them about us yet?”

“Of course I did. They’re happy for us.”

How long would that last once they knew Otabek wanted to move to be closer to him? He was not allowing himself to go down that rabbit hole again. “Have you got a gig whilst I’m here?” He was desperate to see Otabek in front of a crowd, people losing their mind for his music.

Otabek grinned at him. “As a matter of fact, I do.”

“Are you fucking with me?” If he was, Yuri was going to be so mad.

“No, I wouldn’t tease you about this, I know you want to see me. I’m playing at the Blue Moon again. This Saturday.”

Yuri was so excited he wanted to jump up and down. “As in the Saturday that’s two days away?”

Affection settled across his face. “Yes. I wasn’t going to say agree, but then you called to tell me you were coming to visit and I knew I had to say yes.”

Could Beka be any more perfect?

The answer to that was a resounding no.

Otbaek led him to his flashy car, a gift from his parents, Yuri knew. There was no way Beka would have bought the expensive car himself. He would much rather spend his money on the bike or his music equipment.

They spent the journey back to Otabek’s apartment talking shit. There was no need for a big catch up as they had spent every spare minute on the phone to each or texting. Soon they reached Otabek’s building and made there way up to his floor.

Yuri startled when a voice rang out behind him. “Otabek!” What followed was a bunch of words in Kazakh that Yuri didn’t understand. The pair turned around to face the newcomer, Yuri’s breath catching in his chest.

The guy was gorgeous and he seemed to know Otabek pretty well. His wide shoulders complemented his narrow hips, his features a mixture of Kazakh heritage and what Yuri could only guess was European.

He slid a glance at Beka, taking note of his reaction. A friendly smile touched his lips. Urghh, Otabek did know him.

“Ali,” he greeted, replying in a language Yuri understood. More boyfriend points for him. “When did you get back?”

Ali’s face lit up at the question. “This morning. God, it was amazing!”

Otabek shifted towards Yuri. “Ali was on tour with his band, he plays the drums. He’s been gone for a couple of weeks.”

So a hot guy lived on Beka’s floor and he was interested in music? Yuri’s stomach cramped painfully. He hated that his first reaction was jealousy. It only supported his theory that he didn’t actually deserve Otabek.

Yuri attempted a smile. It probably came out like he was constipated or something. Great. His social skills hadn’t improved with age.

“This is my boyfriend, Yuri,” Otabek told Ali, the pride in his voice unmistakable. “He’s visiting for the week.”

Ali only seemed to notice Yuri for the first time. Was it his imagination, or did Ali’s jaw tighten at the word boyfriend? Yuri had convinced himself in two seconds flat that Ali was either homophobic or he had a crush on Otabek.

“Nice to meet you,” Ali directed at him, less animated then when he spoke to Otabek.

“Hi,” Yuri muttered.

Dismissing Yuri, Ali gave Otabek his attention again. “Let me know when you’re free and I’ll catch you up on the tour. You would have loved it, Beka. Anyway, I’ll see you later.”

Beka?

Beka?!?

What the fuck?

Luckily, the idiot walked away before Yuri could let rip. He doubted Otabek would appreciate him cursing his friends out the moment he stepped off the plane. Unfortunately, Ali strolled into the apartment next to Otabek’s, confirming his suspicions they were neighbours.

Yuri followed Otabek through his door, trying to forget all about the musician who lived next door. He took note of the interior, not that dissimilar to his own open plan apartment back home. Modern, sleek kitchen. Sparsely furnished in a fashionable way.

Beka turned to him. “So what do you think?”

“It’s nice,” Yuri replied, eyes landing on a guitar stood by the wall. He was so getting Otabek to play for him later on.

Leaving his suitcase in its place, Otabek walked back to where Yuri stood, placing his talented hands on Yuri’s hip, pulling him closer. “Are you sulking?”

His head snapped up. “No! Why would I be sulking?” Was he that easy to read?

“I don’t know,” Beka said through a smile, when he obviously did. “Ali is just a friend.”

“He called you Beka,” Yuri blurted out. Okay, so he was bothered by the familiarity between them. In his defence, he hardly liked any of Otabek’s friends so it wasn’t like he was singling Ali out.

Otabek brushed a kiss over his lips. “He’s a friend. You’re cute when your jealous.”

“I’m not jealous,” Yuri protested too fast.

“You have no reason to be. You should know by now that I don’t see anyone else when you’re with me.”

Yuri smirked. “What about when I’m not with you?” Beka’s expression crumbled, panicked, before Yuri laughed. “I’m kidding. I know you love me, remember? You did steal my t-shirt.”

“You’re a little shit,” Otabek exhaled, slipping his arms around Yuri’s waist.

“But you love me anyway. And just for the record, he definitely has a thing for you.”

Otabek rolled his eyes. “No, he doesn’t, we just have common interests.”

“Yeah, you’re cock.”

Beka trailed kisses along his jaw, his lips so soft against Yuri’s skin. When he reached Yuri’s neck, he bit down gently. “The only one who goes anywhere near my cock is you.”

Yuri’s body reacted to the words, desire igniting in an instant. Otabek’s hands wandered downward to his ass, expertly massaging the muscles. He moaned in response, awed by the effect Beka had on him. Less than an hour in Otabek’s company and he had forgotten all the worries that plagued him.

Yuri let his travel the expanse of Beka’s strong shoulders. “Did you get hotter since I saw you last?”

Otabek laughed softly. “No.”

“Are you sure?” Yuri whispered, his fingers opening Beka’s jacket.

“Yes.”

“I think I’m going to have to check you over thoroughly.”

His jacket fell to the floor. “Well, if you insist…”

Yuri’s phone shrilled from his inside his hoody, breaking the sexual tension that had been building in the room. Huffing out a breath, he grabbed his phone, scowling at it when Victor’s name popped up.

He was tempted to ignore it, but they had all been on edge since Yuri had been accosted in the street. It could be something important.

“What?” he answered, impatient to get back to being petted by his boyfriend. Otabek was still touching him, but it just wasn’t the same with Victor’s annoying voice in his ear.

“Did you get there okay? Did Otabek pick you up? He didn’t bring his bike, did he?”

Yuri ground his teeth. “I’m at his apartment. You’re interrupted our reunion.”

“I wanted to check on you!”

Any other time he might appreciate it, right now he was unimpressed with Victor’s ability to cockblock him from another country. “Now you have; I’m all good.”

“Yuri!”

“What?” he blasted out, becoming immediately distracted by Beka undoing the button on his jeans.

“Remember to stay off the ice,” Victor told him.

“Fine. Can I go now?”

A pause. There was mischief in his tone. “Why are you in such a rush?”

“Because I want to have sex with my boyfriend!” he shouted down the phone. Jesus, Victor was such an asshole at times. “I’m putting the phone down now.”

Victor’s laugh rang out, mingling with Otabek’s who could hear every word the man said. “You should have said so. Don’t let him get you pregnant.”

“Ha ha,” he spat, sarcasm dripping from his words.

“Don’t be too rough, you know what the doctor said!”

Way passed his threshold for Victor’s childish nonsense, he hung up the phone. Now he could fully concentrate on his man.


	20. Home

Otabek sucked in a breath as Yuri got down on his knees, tugging at Otabek’s pants and underwear. Backing up, his fell onto the sofa, his bare ass hitting the cushion. His erection sprang free, bobbing in front of Yuri’s waiting lips. Looking up at him through hooded lashes, Yuri took the straining cock into his mouth.

A low moan escaped his lips as Yuri’s tongue massaged the length as it slipped into the wet hole, hitting the back of Yuri’s throat. With Yuri’s hair tied up on the top of his head, Otabek had the perfect vantage to watch in lover swallow his cock. Satisfaction pulse through him at the sight, spiking every time Yuri’s eyes met his.

It was a mission to keep his hands from touching Yuri, but he didn’t trust himself. His need was too great, Yuri’s wanton mouth too skilful.

He had always enjoyed sex, but with his previous partners there had been a vital component missing. Passion. Even with Jon, it had been lacking. He lost his fucking mind with Yuri. He surrendered to the sharp emotions and wicked sensations, knowing that Yuri would be there to catch him. His fierce Russian would protect him with everything he had and that was a priceless gift.

Knowing Yuri’s background, he cherished it all the more. For some reason, Yuri had chosen to love him when in the past love had brought him little else but disappointment and pain. Otabek could only hope that he was deserving of the purity of Yuri’s love.

“Yuri,” he panted, fire racing through his cock as Yuri hollowed his cheeks, sucking keenly. “Need you.”

The lonely weeks without Yuri had ravaged his control. Otabek pulled Yuri away from his cock. His legs were weak when he stood, desire setting off tremors inside his body. Facing Yuri, Otabek drank in his stunning features, the flushed cheeks, the mussed-up hair.

“You’re beautiful,” Otabek rasped. Yuri hated being complimented on his looks, but the words left Otabek’s mouth of their own accord. Yuri was beautiful. Always had been, even when he sprung those claws and attacked.

With deliberately slow movements, Otabek rid himself of the rest of his clothes, heat pricking his skin as Yuri seared him with those enchanting eyes of his. Once he was done with his own clothing, he turned his attention to Yuri. He was careful, aware of Yuri’s injuries even in his sexual haze. Yuri was precious, he deserved to be treasured. Love.

There was no concealing the absolute the white-hot rage that took hold of him when he peeled Yuri’s layers away, the colourful bruising underneath reminding him that his love had been the victim of another unprovoked attack. It brought up memories of the state Yuri had been in when Otabek had first arrived in Russia after the first time he had been beaten.

Because Yuri had gone stiff, his body language telling Otabek that he was waiting for him to explode, Otabek contained his anger. He had promised Yuri he would leave it alone for now. Give him a few days. Dropping to his knees, he pressed delicate kisses over the bruising, nearly coming undone when Yuri’s eye filled with tears.

Otabek would only be giving him pleasure tonight.

A few seconds later, there was nothing between them. Otabek licked his lips at the temptation that was Yuri’s body. Defined abs that begged to have his tongue run down the centre. The blonde hair at the base of his cock, matching the silky strands on the top of he loved to pet when Yuri was all sleepy in his arms.

Displayed like this, Otabek understood why Yuri was the one to beat on the ice. His body was a work of art, perfectly sculpted for optimum speed and strength across the ice.

“Beka, stop teasing me.”

Teasing?

Otabek was worshipping him. He blew his warm breath over the tip of Yuri’s cock, pre-cum already leaking at the seam. Ge swiped at it with his tongue, Yuri shivering beneath his attention.

Feeling wicked, Otabek looked up, grinning. “Wait right here. Move an inch and you’ll have to wait longer for my cock.” Yuri didn’t need to know it was empty threat. He literally had no patience left to make their foreplay last much longer. Precisely why he was going to retrieve the lube.

Yuri groaned. “Beka!”

“Talking counts as moving,” he told Yuri, delighted when his mouth snapped shut. Someone was eager for his cock.

Otabek crossed his apartment quickly, grabbing at the lube. Yuri was stood still, exactly where he left him. He squirted a generous amount of lube onto his palm, taking Yuri’s cock into his hand, sliding across the silky skin. Yuri tensed, his breath catching.

He gave a few slow strokes before snatching his hand away. He wanted Yuri out of his mind with desire. Maybe he was teasing him after all, but it was all for him. Otabek lowered himself onto the sofa once more. “Straddle me,” he instructed, his voice husky.

Yuri’s long legs came down either side of him, the heat of his body sizzling against Otabek’s engorged cock. He hissed, concerned that that he was going to come prematurely. His cock slipped between Yuri’s cheeks.

Drizzling some lube against Yuri’s ass, Otabek played with his hole, ensuring he was ready and stretched for him.

“Let me know if your ribs begin to hurt,” Otabek said.

“Beka, hurry up.”

He bit into Yuri’s shoulder. “Promise me you won’t let me hurt you.”

Yuri huffed out a breath. “I promise, but it’s overkill! You worry too much. Hurry up and fuck me before I take matters into my own hands.”

“Lift your hips,” he said with gritted teeth.

Yuri did as he was told, raising his hips so that Otabek could align their bodies. His gaze met Yuri’s as he broke through the small resistance Yuri’s ass gave. His breath was stolen from him; Yuri expertly sliding down his cock.

Yuri’s hands came up to his neck, holding on for dear life as they fucked. No, it was more than fucking. It was pure love between them. Respect. Pleasure. Unity.

Riding him, Yuri threw his head back, giving Otabek easy access to his nipples. He nipped, sucked and blew on them, loving the reactions his attentions elicited from Yuri. The constricted squeezes of his ass, the rising moans. He was wild in Otabek’s grip, lost in sensation and that was such a fucking turn on.

“Yuri.” He repeated his name over and over again like a prayer, drilling into him with little control or finesse. His body knew what he craved, his instincts guided him, ensuring that Yuri was being bombarded with pleasure. There was no need for thinking.

By the time they had both came, Otabek wasn’t sure he knew how to think anymore.

“You want to go out for some dinner or stay in? I said we’d go to my parents tomorrow, but I thought it would be nice for us to have tonight alone,” Beka said, stroking Yuri’s back with his fingertips. Laying on his front wasn’t doing anything for his ribs, but he was so relaxed right now, he couldn’t move even if he wanted to.

“Stay in,” he answered. Inside Beka’s apartment, he was safe. They were safe. He had been able to let his guard down at the airport, his happiness at seeing Otabek overriding every other emotion. Now he was just anxious again. Besides, he really did not want to move too far from the bed. “Can we order something in?”

“Sure. I have a few menus in the kitchen. Are you hungry now, or do you want to wait a while?”

“I’m not too hungry yet,” he replied.

Beka slid down the bed, beside him. “Hey, are you okay? You’re quiet. You worry me when you’re quiet.” Because it hardly ever happened Yuri thought with a snort.

He didn’t want Beka to worry about him. It wasn’t fair to him to have that responsibility. It was easy to forget sometimes, because Beka was usually so relaxed, but his boyfriend was juggling a lot of difference areas of his life. Yuri didn’t want to add to that burden. “I’m good. Really good. It just feels strange being here. Like it’s a dream and I’m about to wake up.”

Otabek’s little frown was cute as hell. “You’re very much awake. You just gave me an earth-shattering orgasm so I can attest to that.”

“You’re such a nerd sometimes,” Yuri chuckled. Was it possible for his heart to explode with happiness? Beka was all his. It probably made him a terrible person, but he hoped that _Ali_ had heard their reunion sex. Might give him a second thought before he acted so familiar with Otabek again.

Shit, he had to lock that jealously down. Fast. Beka would never cheat on him, of that he was certain. He could, on the other hand, break up with him because Yuri was acting like an immature brat about his being friends with his neighbour.

This adulting shit was hard work. When he was a kid, he rarely thought to consider his words or actions. He had just yelled whatever crap came into his head. Part of growing up meant he had to be more responsible of his actions – and again, his bratty behaviour would only drive Beka away.

Yuri turned onto his back, stretching his well-used muscles as he did so. Beka’s trouble gaze fell onto his bruising as they had when the clothes had hit the floor. He watched the internal battle war inside his man. Yuri knew he was dying to talk about the attack and he also knew that Beka would keep his word and leave it be until he was ready.

Probably to silence his own thoughts, Beka leant over and took his mouth in a slow, sensual kiss. Despite the thorough fucking he had received only a short while ago, his body was flickering back to life. His hands found Beka’s broad shoulders.

“Have I ever told you how much I love your muscles?” he asked playfully.

“You just love me for my body, huh?”

Yuri cocked his head. “It is a superior specimen.”

“Specimen? And I’m the nerd?” he laughed.

Yuri brushed a kiss across his cheek, enjoying the way his stubble tickled his skin. “We can both be nerds as long as we’re nerds together.”

Beka’s face lit up. “Can we have a bath together? I loved it back in Russia when we did that. I can wash your hair for you. I think you got some cum in it,” he grinned.

“How?” Yuri asked, wrinkling his nose. As least his hair was light so it wouldn’t have showed up too much if he hadn’t noticed it.

“No idea,” Otabek replied, peeling himself away from Yuri. “I got some fancy bathsalts for us” – he paused – “actually, Aylin gave them to me, claiming they might come in useful. Is it weird that my sister has taken an interest in my sex life?”

“No idea,” Yuri repeated his words back at him. “Probably. She can be a bit of a weird.”

Beka laughed aloud. “I can’t argue with that.”

“Is she going to be at dinner tomorrow with your parents?” Yuri wasn’t _nervous_. Otabek’s parents like him. They _had_ liked him before he had started fucking their son. It would be different now, right? Instead of taking him as one of Beka’s friends they would be looking at him to see what he could offer their son.

The answer to that was not a fucking lot apart from drama, possible danger and a lifetime of worry.

_No. _

He had to stop doing that to himself. There were already enough people in the world who had a low opinion of him, he didn’t need to be another one. His therapist had been encouraging him to challenge the negative thoughts. Find the root of them.

Beka’s voice pulled him from his inner turmoil. “Yes. That okay?”

“She’s always interesting company. Is it going to be an elaborate dinner?” Otabek’s parents were a little over the top. The car was only one example of that. As long as they loved Otabek and treated him right, Yuri could deal with their ways.

“I told them to keep it simple, but you know what they’re like. So you do you wanna have a bath?”

“Definitely,” he answered.

Ten minutes later, they were lounging in the large tub, Yuri taking position in Otabek’s legs, with Beka massaging shampoo into his hair. His strong fingers gave just the right amount of pressure, leaving Yuri suppressing a moan.

Beka washed it out, only getting a few suds in his eyes. He was forgiven instantly, because Yuri doubted, he would ever be able to hold a grudge against the man who cradle him so gently in his arms.

As if he were a rare gift.

The only other person who had ever treated him like that was his grandpa. Yuri swallowed down the ball of grief, feeling guilty he hadn’t been to visit his grave in the last couple of months. Everything had been so messed up, he just hadn’t found the time. He would make the time as soon as it got back home.

Eyes drooping, Yuri felt the invisible hands of sleep pulling him under. Otabek shifted slightly against him. He whispered the next words, “Yura? Are you falling asleep on me?”

“Yeah,” he murmured.

“You can go to sleep, but we need to get out of the rub first. You should dry your hair too. You’ll get sick sleeping with it wet.”

A smile tugged at Yuri’s lips. “You sound like my grandpa.”

“He was a wise man,” Otabek said. “Yuri, we’re getting out the bath.” His tone was more forceful this time so Yuri sighed, blinked his eyes open and rose, water streaming from his body.

“Happy?” he asked Beka, glancing behind him.

Otabak was eye-level with his ass. “Very.”


	21. An Unwelcome Visitor

“I should have brought better clothes,” Yuri whined, looking at his reflection in the mirror. Black jeans, a matching t-shirt and his jacket that had panels of leopard print. He loved the outfit, but he wanted to impress Otabek’s parents and they had much classier tastes than his.

Beka came up behind him, nuzzling his neck. “You look amazing. You always do.”

“No, I don’t.” There were times when he looked like crap. Though he had to admit they were few and far between. He had been gifted with his mother’s elegant bone structure and luscious locks, he thought sardonically. He brushed the thought aside. “Shall I put my hair up? It’s getting kind of long.”

Otabek ran his hands though the strands. “I love it either way.”

Yuri rolled his eyes. “You’re such a guy.”

He snuck a glance at Beka’s clothing, surprised to find he had gone fairly casual with his leather jacket, a white t-shirt and some dark blue jeans. Yuri wouldn’t have been surprised if he made the choice with him in mind, trying to make him feel more comfortable.

Their start to the day hadn’t been great. Beka had woken early to head to the ice and Yuri had followed him, with every intention of going to watch him for a few hours. He had, but the moment Beka had left his sight to get ready for his session, his anxiety had skyrocketed.

Otabek’s practice had turned to shit because he had been too distracted focusing on Yuri. He’d tried to hide it, but when he had disappeared to the toilets to get away from the worried eyes, Otabek had followed him, earning a mouthful from his coach who already hated Yuri. They had left soon after.

So yeah, it had been a disaster.

And Yuri chafed against the prison he was building for himself. He didn’t want to be that person. The person who used other people as a crutch. If he lost his independence, he would lose himself.

He was off his game which was why he was freaking out about seeing Otabek’s parents again. Would they think differently him now that he was Otabek’s boyfriend?

“Why are you nervous? You already know my parents like you.” Otabek could read him like a book.

He gave Beka a pointed look. “They tolerate me.”

“They like you,” Otabek insisted. “Don’t make a big deal out of this. Even if they didn’t approve of our relationship, you know I would never let them berate you.”

“That’s what I’m worried about. I don’t want to drive a wedge between you and them.” He didn’t have a great track record with parents, his own abandoning and abusing him. The parents of the few friends he’d had growing up, had regarded him as a brat. Too opinionated, too wild.

“Yuri,” he said, shaking his head, exasperated. “You’re definitely over thinking this. We’ve had dinner with them before. I get it might be a little weird now that we’re together, but they aren’t suddenly going to start hating on you. I haven’t told them about my plan to quit skating yet so they won’t be questioning me about that. We’ll have a nice dinner and a catch up. Nothing more.” He sat on the bed, placing his hands on Yuri’s hips, pulling him in close. “We don’t have to go if you aren’t feeling up to it.”

Irritation pulsed through him. “That’s not what I’m saying.” A part of him wanted to back out, however, he recognised it would be a completely selfish move. He knew nothing was going to happen to him at Otabek’s parents house. It wasn’t about _that._ The anxiety.

He just wanted to be alone with Beka whilst they had the time.

And he was worried that Maria and Max would treat him differently now that things had changed between him and Beka. He had to admit that his earlier panic was exacerbating what he was feeling right now.

He was terrified the expected nerves would build and build into something that he couldn’t control.

_You are one fucked up individual Yuri Plisetsky_

“Then what can I say that will put your mind at ease?”

“Nothing,” Yuri replied with honesty. “I just need to get over it.”

Tomorrow he had a video session with his therapist planned. Hopefully that would ease some of the pressure inside his chest. Not that he could tell her about the second attacked. He feared the Vasilievs might retaliate if word got back to them. Besides, she would probably encourage him to go the police and that wasn’t an option either.

Otabek was silent when he closed his arms around Yuri’s waist and rested his head against Yuri’s stomach. The display of affection was comforting. Grounding. God, why was he being so neurotic?

Holding Beka close, Yuri ran his hand through his soft hair, the motion calming his nerves.

Otabek’s voice vibrated against his body. “You know we need to talk about what you’re going through.”

“I know.” His response was solemn. “Can we just wait until Sunday. I want to enjoy watching you at the club without all of that weighing me down.”

Beka looked up at him. “Do you think that’s a good idea? You were struggling at the rink and we were surrounded by people you know. I don’t want you to push yourself too hard.”

“I’m going to the club. I’ll be okay.”

Sighing, Otabek rose. “I love your tenacity Yuri, but not when you take it so far that it causes you harm. If you want to come, I won’t stop you.” The disappointment in his tone was almost too much for Yuri to bear.

“Please don’t be mad at me. I’m not going to lock myself away. I won’t. How will I ever get over it if I do that?”

Beka rested his forehead against Yuri’s. “I’m not angry with you. I’m just worried,” he whispered hoarsely. “I feel helpless.”

Yuri brought his fingertips up to Otabek’s stubbly cheek. “You’re the only reason I’m sane right now. You help just by being yourself.”

A shaky smile from Beka. “I can keep doing that.” He gave Yuri a quick kiss and looked at his watch. “We should get going.”

Walking up to the front door, Otabek slipped his hand around Yuri’s. There was a nervous energy about him that Otabek was still unused to. In the past he had always been fearless, or excellent at hiding it. Since the attack, it showed a lot more. It broke his heart. Yuri hated others seeing what he perceived as his weaknesses.

The ornate door opened before Otabek could twist the handle, his sister flying out. Despite her words of concern about his relationship with Yuri, she had always been a fan of his. “Yuri!” Aylin slammed into him, no doubt jarring his sore body.

“Aylin,” he scolded.

She drew back, her face falling. “I’m sorry, I forgot.” He had told his family that Yuri had taken a nasty fall in training. Yuri would have bristled at their attemps to comfort him if they knew he had been assaulted again. “Has Beka been taking good care of you?” She asked, wriggling her brows.

Otabek’s cheeks flamed at her tone. Yuri laughed. “He’s been taking _the best_ care of me.”

“Okay, that’s enough,” Otabek interjected. He couldn’t handle his little sister talking about his sex life, even in the most roundabout of ways.

“You’re no fun,” Aylin sang, slipping her arm through Yuri’s, leading him away. Otabek followed, his eyes landing on Yuri’s ass. He was obsessed with that ass. Getting a hard-on in front of his parents wasn’t on the top of his to-do list so he tore his eyes away from Yuri’s favourite body part.

Aylin directed them towards the kitchen where they found his mom cooking and his dad keeping her company, both sipping on a glass of red wine. In appearance, he favoured his mom. They shared the same colouring and features, along with Aylin.

His mom spotted them first. Leaving the top of the line stove, she held out her arms to greet them both. “Beka, Yuri, you’re here.” Maria Atlin was a beautiful woman, the years treating her well.

She hugged Yuri first and then Otabek. His father, Max, was less obvious with his affection and more introverted than his mother. He greeted them with a smile and a nod. They exchanged a few pleasantries which seemed to put Yuri’s nerves at ease a little.

Once they were given drinks and his mom has stashed their jackets, they hovered around the kitchen island.

“So Yuri,” his mom asked, “How was your flight? You got here a couple of days ago?”

“Thursday,” Yuri answered, his body pressed against Otabek’s. “It was fine. I’m used to flying now, I guess.”

“And your injuries? They are healing well?”

Otabek’s jaw clenched. His mom meant well, he knew.

“They’re good. Should be back to normal by the end of the week.”

Aylin sidled up next to him. “Are you sure your accident was really an accident? Did you just want some time off to come see my brother?”

_For fucks sake. _

He shot his sister a death glare. She ignored him. “He was moping around so much these past weeks that I was sure _he_ was going to get an ‘injury’ so he could come and see you.”

His dad snorted. “Otabek is dedicated. He wouldn’t fake an injury.”

“Nobody faked an injury,” Otabek stated, his voice tight. Aylin was joking but considering the truth of how Yuri had received his injuries, Otabek wasn’t in the mood to listen to his sister tease them about it.

“Jeez, I’m just kidding, Beka. Lighten up.”

Yuri curled his fingers around Otabek’s hand, meeting his eye. The look conveyed a lot.

_Chill out. _

_I’m okay. _

_She’s only messing with you._

It had been a minute since Yuri had been the one to calm him down. His temper had never run as hot of Yuri’s. Wasn’t completely the truth. He did have a temper, but it only seemed to come out when Yuri was under threat.

Ten minutes later they were sat around the impressive dining room table, Otabek putting his earlier annoyances aside. His mom was a good cook. A recent development. As she had cut her hours back at work, she had began experimenting more with food.

“This is great, mom,” he said, taking another bite of the chicken.

Her face lit up at his compliment. “You can take some leftovers home with you if you’d like.”

Yuri spoke. “Please. We had takeout last night. It was good, but we shouldn’t be eating that kind of food so close to competition.”

His dad nodded. “You’re right, Yuri.”

“It’s not gonna hurt too much if they’re getting loads of exercise,” Aylin commented with a smirk directed at Otabek. “And I guarantee that they are.”

Yuri hid his own smile with another mouthful of food.

Both of his parents decided to ignore the implication of Aylin’s words. _Thank god._

Thankfully she steered away from any more awkward topics throughout the rest of dinner. He was glad that he had been telling Yuri the truth about his parents; they weren’t treating him any different now he was their son’s boyfriend.

He had been a little worried. He hadn’t had a serious relationship since Jon and they all knew how that had turned out. His parents had kept a careful eye on him on the years following Jon’s death, but they continued to allow him to make his own decisions. They were good parents, he thought, watching them fondly.

Despite the light atmosphere, Otabek couldn’t help but notice that Yuri was more reserved than usual. Sure, he answered questions when asked and engaged in conversation, but there was something bothering him that Otabek couldn’t quite place his finger on.

He ruled out the anxiety. Yuri’s body language was relaxed as he ate – there was just something off about him. It annoyed the hell out of Otabek that he couldn’t figure out what was going on with him.

He would figure it out, or he would pull the answers from Yuri. One way or the other, Yuri was going to realise that Otabek would always be there for him.

After dinner they had spent another couple of hours with Otabek’s family, chatting and playing a few games. It left Yuri feeling odd, out of place. Unlike him, Otabek was comfortable in a family setting. He was doted on by his mom, his dad had complete faith in him and Aylin took pleasure in making Beka squirm. It was nice, but Yuri just didn’t belong.

No matter how much he wished that he did.

Arriving home, they each took a shower and changed into some more comfortable clothing. Otabek was due at the rink tomorrow for an early training session so they only had an hour or so until he had to get to sleep.

Yuri was going to accompany him no matter how much his weak body protested. He would ignore the churning in his stomach, the horrible pressure in his chest. God, he just had to fucking get over it. For both of their sakes. Beka didn’t need a boyfriend more fucked up than Yuri already was.

_Stop self-sabotaging!_

A knock sounded at the door as they were just about to start a series on Netflix. If it were Yuri’s apartment, he would have ignored it, especially with the irrational irritation rolling around in his system. Beka evidently more sociable than him as he got up to answer the door.

To Yuri’s annoyance, Ali strolled into the apartment, doing a sweep of the room. He nodded in Yuri’s direction. Yuri forced himself to reciprocate for Otabek’s sake. He wasn’t going to be rude to his friends.

Urghhh, the guy was still gorgeous. It was fucking annoying. Once he left, he was sure Ali was going to make a move on Beka.

“Do you want a drink?” Otabek asked.

Ali shook his head, taking a seat on the chair next to the sofa. “I’m good thanks. I just wanted to drop by. I heard you were doing a set at the Blue Moon tomorrow. I might drop by with some of the guys.”

_Hell no. _

Otabek looked to Yuri, expression thoughtful. “You could keep Yuri company. He’s coming to watch and he won’t know anyone.”

Yuri glared at his boyfriend. The only response he got was a small smile. Ali was already talking. “Sure. We’ll take him under our wing. Gotta look after the youngsters.”

Did he really just say that?

“I’m eighteen,” Yuri said between gritted teeth. Old enough to have Beka in his bed. Ali trying to highlight his age screamed of jealously. He definitely had a thing for Beka.

Otabek gave Yuri a warning look, joining him on the sofa. He clamped a restraining hand on his thigh, squeezing lightly. Yuri have him a sickly sweet smile. Why was he protecting his _friend_ from Yuri’s wrath?

There was absolutely no way he was spending his Saturday evening with Ali. His friends were likely as idiotic as he was.

Otabek broke the heavy silence. “I’m starting at nine. Do you want to head over with us?”

Yuri clenched his jaw. Unbelievable. Surely Otabek was just trying to piss him off now? He knew how much Yuri was looking forward to watching him and he was ruining it by inviting the prick sat in front of him.

Ali’s eyes were filled with triumph. “That would be great. I can drive if you want?”

“No, it’s fine. I have a load of equipment I need to haul over there.”

Ali stood, a stupid smile on his face. “Cool, just come by and get me tomorrow. I’ll be waiting for you.” His words only darkened Yuri’s mood. He remained sat on the sofa as Otabek walked him over to the door, exchanging a few more words, too low for Yuri to hear.

They left his sight, leaving him fuming.

_Calm down. It’s not Beka’s fault his neighbour wants to fuck him. Do not ruin this with your insecurities._

Yuri couldn’t stop himself, words tumbling from his mouth as soon as Otabek returned. “I can’t believe you just did that. I don’t want to spend any time with that fucking asshole.”

Otabek’s eyes flashed with anger. “Yuri, he’s a friend. I want someone I trust watching out for you tomorrow.”

Nausea rolled in his stomach. Otabek did think he was weak, that he needed to be coddled like a child. “I can handle my own shit. I don’t need some stranger who wants to fuck you keeping an eye on me.”

“What is your problem? You were in a mood before he knocked at the door. Don’t take it out on him.”

“Are you really that blind you can’t see that he wants you?” Yuri stood, too fucking angry to sit down. He wasn’t in the wrong. Otabek had just decided what was going to happen without consulting him and he was refusing to admit that Ali wanted him.

Beka frowned at him. “I don’t think that he does. Even if he did, I don’t want him. So there’s no problem.”

Yuri let out a humourless laugh. “So you’d be okay with me hanging out with a guy who wanted to get in my pants?” Otabek’s lack of response told him everything he needed to know. “Didn’t think so.”

“Why do you have to turn everything into a big drama? I’ve been friends with Ali since I moved into this apartment. I’ve mentioned him multiple times to you. Or do you not remember because it’s not about you? I have a life too. Not everything is about you.”

Oh, that hurt. Like an arrow straight to his heart. Otabek thought he was selfish. “You failed to mention the fact that he wanted to fuck you!” Yelling was good. Yelling distracting him from the pain Beka’s words inflicted.

“I’m not arguing with you. Not like this,” Otabek said quietly, a stark contrast to his raised voice.

He was so done with being the fuck-up in their relationship. “Because I don’t agree with you? You know I don’t like him. I’ll forget that he wants you for a second. You just decided that I need a babysitter tomorrow night and handed me off to the first person that popped into your head. Do you think I want him, of all people, to know that I’m barely hanging on by a thread?” Once Ali sniffed out that weakness, he was going to use it for his own gain.

“You don’t like anyone and I’m not going to apologise for wanting to protect you.” Stubborn set his features. Neither of them were backing down.

“If you want to protect me, don’t make out that I’m crazy for not wanted my boyfriend to force me to hang out with some guy that wants him. Don’t make decisions for me.”

“Someone has to when you’re acting like this. Pretending that you’re fine. Unaffected by everything that’s happened.”

“I’m not pretending anything,” Yuri stated, his anger fading as quickly it had erupted. He was tired. Didn’t possess the energy to fight with Otabek when he was throwing the attack in his face. “You know I’m not okay. I never lied about that. I just wanted to have a few days with you without it taking over our lives. I wanted to protect_ you_ from that. I wanted to come and watch your show, give you the support you deserve.”

Otabek’s face splintered in agony. He took a step forward. “Yuri…”

He shook his head. “I’m going to bed. I’ll sleep in the spare room.” With that Yuri walked off, tears threatening to spill over. Like fuck he was going to let Beka see them fall.

“Yuri, come back,” Otabek rushed after him.

“Fuck off, Beka,” he sniffed, slamming the door in his face.

And locked it for good measure.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> :'(


	22. 4:30am

4:30am.

Otabek inwardly groaned. He had to be up in an hour and he’d gotten approximately forty-five minutes sleep all night. Most of it had been spent replaying the argument with Yuri. He winced every time he remembered the devastation on Yuri’s face when he accused him of being selfish. Why the hell had he done that?

There hadn’t been any personal insults thrown towards him. Yuri’s anger had stemmed from Otabek’s actions. Once he had been able to think clearly, he had recognised that Yuri’s arguments were fair. Justified. He had steam rolled right over Yuri’s wishes – he didn’t need to voice his protests for Otabek to hear them. They’d been written across his face.

All of this left Otabek feeling like shit. In his reckless efforts Yuri. He had broken something between them. Yuri had never walked away from him with tears in his eyes before. Otabek’s stomach cramped just thinking about it.

Shit, he’d messed up so badly.

And now he was terrified that Yuri wasn’t going to trust him anymore.

Eventually, he just got out of bed. Laying in it for another hour, running over it for the thousandth time wasn’t going to help him. He paused when walking passed the spare room, wondering if it was still locked. He was tempted to check. His hand reached for the handle, but he stopped himself. It was selfish to wake him up so early if he was asleep.

He took care of business in the bathroom and then headed towards the kitchen, making himself a huge mug of coffee. He would need it if he was going to get through practice. Cancelling at the Blue Mood seemed like the best idea all around so he only needed to stay awake long enough to appease his coach.

Finishing a light breakfast, he watched TV until he had to leave. Yuri didn’t surface from the spare room and maybe it was cowardice, but Otabek was a little grateful. A couple of hours apart might do them good and honestly, he had no idea what to say to him.

All he wanted to do was get on his knees and beg Yuri’s forgiveness.

At the same time he wanted to strangle him.

During practice Otbaek tried to focus . His head just wasn’t in it. Had Yuri called him? Text him? Was he okay? The constant barrage of questions left distracted earning him concerned glances from a few of the other skaters. He ignored them; he didn’t deserve it.

By the time he got back to his apartment, exhaustion was weighing him down. The physical toll of practice had left him weak and shaky. Yuri was no where to be seen so Otabek assumed he was still in bed. He took a quick shower and made himself a easy meal, recovering a decent amount of his strength.

Only then did he knock on Yuri’s door. It was clear Yuri wasn’t going to emerge anytime soon if he was left to make the decision by himself. “Yuri?”

No response.

“Yuri, come on,” he said softly. “We need to talk.”

Nothing.

He tried the door, surprised to find it unlocked. The bottom dropped out of his stomach when it hit him that Yuri wasn’t in the room. Panic stealing any sense of reason, he flew through the entire apartment in search of his boyfriend, frantically calling his name.

Otabek forced himself to calm down. Yuri’s belongings were strewn all of the place still so he was pretty sure he hadn’t got a plane to get away from him. It should have made him feel better. Instead, he was taken back to scenes of Yuri’s panic attack.

He grabbed his phone, dialling Yuri’s number. “Pick up, pick up,” he demanded under his breath.

Pulling at his hair, Otabek paced the living room, blowing out a frustrated breath when it went to voicemail. “Call me back Yuri, I need to know you’re safe.” He hung up, trying to get control of himself. He was overreacting. Yuri was fine. He was fine.

But what if he wasn’t?

What if he had a panic attack in a strange place? Surrounded by people he couldn’t communicate with? Otabek had been such a shitty person that evidently Yuri was willing to risk it.

When his phone rang, Otabek answered immediately. Yuri’s voice was clear across the line. At odds with the distance in his tone. “You don’t need to worry about me.”

Don’t need to worry? “Just come home. I’m sorry about last night – I was a dick.”

Silence. “I need some space. I’ll be back later.”

“I don’t like the idea of you out there alone.” He highly doubted the asshole politician had hired someone to follow Yuri to another country. His concern was about Yuri’s mental state and how his body was reacting to it.

A frustrated sigh. “I said I’m fine. Trust me or don’t, it’s up to you.”

“When are you going to be back?”

“When I want to. I’ve got to go,” Yuri said hanging up the phone.

Otabek stared at it for a full five minutes, unsure what to do. Yuri had been challenging him, challenging him to see how much trust he did have in Yuri. If he freaked out and went to search for him, he’d only be doing further damage.

A text popped up on his phone. It was from Ali.

_A: Still on for tonight?_

Perfect timing, Otabek thought glumly. Should he respond? Ignoring him would be unnecessarily rude. The poor guy couldn’t have known what his visit had led to.

_O: Not sure. _

_A: Trouble in paradise? I saw Yuri storm away from the building an hour ago. I tried to talk to him, but he blew me off. _

He fought the urge to ask which direction he’d headed in. It would only confirm that yes, he and Yuri were going through a rough patch.

_O: Everything is fine. I’ll let you know about Blue Moon._

_A: Are you sure you’re okay? I can come over and we can talk?_

Yuri wouldn’t appreciate that. Otabek had no idea if Ali had a crush on him or not. The important thins was that Yuri believed it and having Ali over would only drive a wedge between them.

He wasn’t going to allow that to happened. Yuri was too important to him.

_O: I’m good. Really. But thanks, you’re a good friend._

He added the last part hoping it would remind Ali that their relationship was platonic. He should already know that by now. Otabek was always taking about Yuri, even before they had become a couple.

Less than a minute after he had sent the text, there was a knock on his door. He considered ignoring it and chose against it. If it was Ali, he would send him on his way.

Ali’s stood on the other side, coy smile. “Sorry, but you’re right. I am a good friend. I could sense something was wrong.”

Was Yuri making a big deal of nothing or did Ali like him?

Was ignoring his wishes about coming over sweet or a sign of something more calculated?

Otabek returned his smile. “I told you, I’m good. We’re just figuring out some stuff.” It was private. Between himself and Yuri. Ali wasn’t going to get more than that.

“Do you want to go grab a drink? I’ll be your shoulder to cry on.”

Irritation flared, though he hid it. “I’m going to catch up on some sleep. If I don’t, I definitely won’t be playing later on.”

Ali held his gaze, nodding. “Okay. As long as you’re sure. You know I’m always here if you want to talk.”

The man he really wanted to talk to wanted to be as far away from him as possible. “Thanks.”

He went to close the door when Ali stopped him. “You know, the way you talked about Yuri I thought he’d be the perfect guy for you. You deserve someone who appreciates you, Beka.”

Otabek clenched his jaw. Nobody talked shit about Yuri in front of him. “Ali, you have no idea what you’re talking about. Respect my wishes and stay out of my business. If you want us to keep being friends, don’t talk about Yuri like that.”

He shut the door, pissed off by the short conversation. The only people he cared about as much as Yuri were his family. Yuri was his family. If Ali thought he was going to get closer to him by badmouthing his boyfriend, he was dead wrong.

Eyes stinging from exhaustion, he headed towards his bedroom. Time for him to trust Yuri and let him have his space. He’d catch up on his sleep and when Yuri returned they were going to talk it out.

Yuri glanced around the coffee shop, burying himself deeper into the plush armchair, hood over his head. Forcing himself to leave Otabek’s apartment had been difficult, but after his online session with his therapist, he’d needed the air. He had ended up spilling his guts and crying all over himself. It was embarrassing.

Was he going crazy? Was he imagining Ali’s interest in Beka? Had he overreacted? His therapist had explained that the stress he was experiencing, along with the trauma of the attack could heighten his emotions.

They definitely felt fucking heightened.

Underpinning it all was the overriding worry that Otabek viewed him as everyone else did. A kid. A spoilt brat. Someone that wasn’t worthy of him. It that was true they had been doomed from the beginning.

And if they broke up, Yuri was pretty sure their friendship would be in ruins too. Just thinking about that possibility hurt. A physical hurt that clamped around his heart. The argument from last night had given him a glimpse of how much pain they could cause each other. Love didn’t eradicate that, it only made it more likely.

Finishing his drink, he left the warmth of the coffee shop behind and began to wander the streets, no destination in mind. He was so focused on the issues with Otabek, that his discomfort at being outside alone was taking a backseat. Still there, but not at the forefront. Losing Otabek terrified him way more than the thought that someone could be watching him.

After an hour or so of walking, he used the Maps on his phone and started back towards Otabek’s apartment. It took him half an hour to reach it. Another ten minutes to build the courage to step inside. Another five minutes of staring at the door once he made his way up the building.

He was scared.

He couldn’t take another scene like the one the night before. And what if Otabek had used their time apart to reconsider their relationship? His mind was frantic; a new, frightening question lurking, waiting to take the last one’s place.

_Stop being a coward. _

Yuri let himself in, finding the apartment quiet. The door had been unlocked so he assumed Otabek was in and back from practice. His bedroom door had been left ajar so Yuri snuck a glance, surprised to see Otabek taking a nap in the middle of the day. It wasn’t really his style which told Yuri he must have had a shitty night’s sleep like him.

It shouldn’t, but it did make him feel a little better to know he wasn’t the only one suffering. Otabek should feel bad; he had been an utter dick! But when he moved closer to the bed and saw the dark circles under Beka’s eyes, he wanted to wrap the other man in his arms.

Gingerly, Yuri got onto the bed, content to watch Otabek sleep for a while. It calmed his racing heart, reminded him of who Otabek was to him. Made him hopeful that they could overcome the words spoken between them.

Some time later, Otabek’s eyes opened. He rubbed at his eyes, movements stilling when he realised that Yuri was on the bed with him. “You’re back.”

“I told you I would be.” He was glad Otabek had chosen to remain at the apartment, trusting him to make his own decisions.

Beka sat up, the covers falling to his waist. “I know. I just… thought you might have left to punish me,” Otabek said, eyes downcast, tone uncertain.

Yuri’s eyes widened. Perhaps he should be angry, but Otabek’s words had filled him with sadness. “Do you really think I’d do that to you?”

“No,” Otabek replied, catching Yuri’s eye. “But I hurt you last night. No one thinks clearly when they’re hurt or angry.”

Fair. “I didn’t leave to punish you. I called my therapist and asked if she could speak to me earlier than planned. I pretty much spilled all of my secrets to her. I needed some air, which is fucking ridiculous as I find it difficult to be outside of my own at the moment.”

Otabek’s face just…broke. “Yuri…” he trailed off, his voice becoming clogged with tears. “I’m sorry. I don’t know what I was thinking last night. I’m worried about you. I always worry about you for one reason or another. I just want you safe, free from all this shit that’s been happening to you. It’s making me crazy.”

He_ hated_ seeing Otabek so upset. He was good at hiding his emotions so the outward display was showing Yuri how much everything was affecting him too. Maybe he was selfish, because he hadn’t truly considered how much watching Yuri struggle would impact him.

“I love that you care about me, but I don’t want you to feel like it’s your responsibility to fix me, because it isn’t. I told you before, you help me just by being you. I’m not running away from how much the attack has fucked me up and I’m trying to be as honest with you as I can about it. I’ll work on it because I know you need that from me.” He paused. “I don’t want to feel like an obligation to you. You’re my boyfriend – not my parent or guardian.”

“I know that, Yura,” Beka said, taking a deep breath to settle himself. “It’s killing me watching you go through this. You’ve never been an obligation to me, you’ve always been my choice. I’m sorry if I’ve made you think that was the case.”

“No,” Yuri protested. “That’s not what I mean. I want to be desirable to you, I don’t want you to view me as someone you have to take care of. I’ll lean on you, I know I can do that. I just need to make my own decisions too, deal with all this crap at my own pace.”

“I love you, of course I want to take care of you.”

Yuri smiled at that. The statement was simple, so Otabek. “I want to take care of you too, but I need you to know that I can take care of myself.” It would be easy to leave the conversation there, but his earlier thoughts wouldn’t leave him alone. “Beka, do you really think I’m selfish? Do you think I’m the same person I was a couple of years ago?”

Otabek reached out, latching onto his hand. It was warm, the skin to skin contact, sending shivers all the way up his arm. “I was being an asshole. I know you listen to me. You know what’s going on in my life. I mis-directed my anger and I’m sorry. I can’t lie to you and say it’s been easy juggling everything, but that’s not on you. I don’t regret loving you. Being with you. I guess it’s just going to take some time to figure how to balance everything out.”

“I get that. My head has always been in the skating, but since we got together, I’m day dreaming in practice. Add in everything else that’s been going on and it’s a lot,” he explained, relief washing over him. “As for Ali, I don’t know if I can trust my judgement right now so I suppose I can give him the benefit on the doubt.”

A strange expression took hold of Otabek’s face. “Yeah, about that.”

“What?” Yuri demanded, instantly convinced that the asshole had made a move. He’d been gone from the apart for no more than three hours for fuck sake.

“He text me asking if Blue Moon was still going ahead. It led to him telling me he tried to speak to you earlier on.” Yuri vaguely remembered him trying to start a conversation as he left the building. “Anyway, asked if I was okay. I said I was fine. He pushed to come over and I said I was okay, again. Then he turned up.”

Fucking asshole. “What did he want?”

Otabek hesitated. “I don’t really know. He was okay until I said I was going to catch up on some sleep and then as I was going to shut the door, he said I deserved someone who appreciated me.”

Yuri narrowed his eyes. “Scratch what I said about not being able to trust my judgement.”

“I don’t know if he likes me that way or not, but I told him we couldn’t be friends if he was going to speak about you like that. It’s enough for me that you believe it so I’ll keep my distance.”

“I don’t want you to lose friends because of me,” Yuri said, conflicted. Of course he didn’t want Ali anywhere near Otabek, but… “I trust _you_. So be friends with him if you want. If he ever makes a move, I’ll know that you’ll remind him that you have a boyfriend and said boyfriend has a legion of fans he can leak his address to. The Angels love us so they won’t put up with any shit from him.”

Otabek laughed and it looked so much better on him than the tears had. Making Otabek cry was something he never wanted to do again. “I think I need to talk to him and then I’ll know if he’s someone I want to continue a friendship with. You’re the most important person in my life. I won’t jeopardise your happiness.”

“I feel the same way, Beka. I want you to have friends. I mean, I don’t really get why you need more than one or two,” Yuri laughed, crawling across the bed to straddle Otabek’s lap, “but that’s okay.”

Forehead resting on Otabek’s, they both took a minute to bask in the physical contact. Yuri’s world seemed to right itself the moment Beka’s arms slipped around his waist.

“I’m sorry,” Otabek murmured between them, his lips close to Yuri’s.

“You’re forgiven and I’m sorry to for scaring you and for blowing up like I did. Every time I think I’ve got a hold of my temper, it has to remind me that I don’t.”

Otabek kissed him with a gentleness that stole his breath away. “Don’t ever lose it completely. It’s apart of you and it’s pretty magnificent to watch when it’s directed towards someone else.”

“Ha! Well you know what to do then. Don’t piss me off.” An impossibility, they both knew. A relationship wasn’t healthy unless they had some points of contention. Neither of them were pushovers; they both knew their own minds.

Which was great, until they had a fight.

Still, Yuri mused, at least they could celebrate with some make-up sex.


	23. Falling Free

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The song Otabek sings is Falling Free by Eivor (it's his creation in this fanfic) - check it our if you have a moment, it's so good! I just felt like it was the perfect song.

“Are you alright?” Otabek asked Yuri for the tenth time since they’d arrived at the club a few minutes ago. He was trying not to coddle him too much, aware that Yuri wouldn’t thank him for it. It was…challenging to say the least.

Yuri’s eyes met his, a small smile present on his face. “Has anyone ever told you that you worry too much?”

Otabek pressed his body close to Yuri’s, sliding his hand down Yuri’s arm to find his warm hand. “Has anyone ever told you’re good at deflecting? That wasn’t an answer.”

“Yep, it’s one of my best traits,” he answered lightly. Sighed when he saw that Otabek wasn’t in the mood for joking. Not about this. “I’m okay, Beka. I’m a little on edge, but I’m dealing with it and I feel that it’s a good price to pay to watch you perform.”

Despite the crappy start to the day, Otabek was excited for his set. He predicted that Yuri was going to be surprised by his music. He had been working on something special since he had been home and he couldn’t wait for Yuri to hear it.

Trusting that Yuri was truly managing his anxiety, Otabek led them over to the bar. The Blue Moon was a great place for people to unwind. He knew that weekdays could be a little rowdy, with an influx of students, but the weekends were more sedate as they often had live music and a lot more tables dotted around the small staging area to accommodate those who wanted to watch the shows.

He exchanged a couple of words with the bartender, ordering a drink for himself and Yuri. Non-alcoholic. They were both still in training and after the emotional day, alcohol was only going to make him all soppy.

“Do you like it here?” Otabek asked Yuri, taking a sip of his water. Anything else was going to upset his stomach. As much as he loved showcasing his music, nerves had his stomach in knots. They were made all the sharper by Yuri’s presence.

Yuri scanned the venue, taking it all in. “I do. It’s not what I expected, it’s more intimate.”

“It looks completely different during the week. The crowd it draws is wild, mostly students.”

Amusement touched Yuri’s eyes. “Are you going partake in that type of behaviour once you’re a student?”

The teasing in his tone suggested Yuri didn’t think that Otabek had it in him. He would be surprised if he knew what Otabek had got up to before they had become friends. “My days of partying are over.”

“I think there are some stories you’ve failed to tell me,” Yuri said, moving in closer, drawing Otabek in with his sinful lips and mesmerising eyes.

Otabek’s phone dinged, interrupted the moment for them.

_Aylin: I’m here! Where are you guys?_

“Who is it?” Yuri asked suspiciously. Otabek had told Ali that they needed some time alone as they only had a few days left together. Yuri thought he would show up anyway, placing a bet on how long he would take to turn up.

After the way Ali had spoken about Yuri to him, Otabek had to admit that his behaviour was starting to resemble that of someone who _could _have a crush on him. “Aylin,” Otabek replied. Inviting her had been a compromise that they both could live with.

With his fierce sister watching Yuri’s back, Otabek would be more relaxed when he was on stage.

“She’s here?” Yuri asked, eyes roaming across the space.

Otabek nodded, texting her back with their location. He prayed to god she had gotten over trying to get a reaction out of him, teasing him about his and Yuri’s sex life. He didn’t think he could deal with that again tonight. He’d had enough of it at his parents’ house.

“Enjoy the peace whilst it lasts,” Otabek grumbled, though he was secretly thrilled she had been free. No matter how much he told himself that Yuri was safe, the image of his boyfriend covered in bruising refused to leave his mind.

Yuri fingered the loops of Otabek’s jeans. “You’re an easy target. She knows she can get a reaction out of you.”

“I don’t always react,” he defended himself, a little pathetically.

Yuri laughed. “Trust me, you do. When you get mad, you’re jaw tightens and you get this really intense look in your eye. It’s pretty adorable.”

“You’re a dick,” Otabek told him, pressing a kiss to his lips.

Yuri deepened the kiss, only stopping when an ear-splitting whistle reached them.

Aylin.

She was practically skipping up to them. He shook his head, wondering how they turned out so different. She was over the top in every single way which he loved. Most of the time.

Her long hair was pulled away from her face, ruby red lipstick painted on her lips. When she reached them, he gave her a hug. Yuri was next. “My two brothers!”

Otabek rolled his eyes. “We’re not married yet,” he reminded her. Realising that the implication of what he said was huge, he glanced at Yuri. Luckily, he was smiling, telling Otabek that he wasn’t being too presumptuous by making such a claim.

“You’re practically married,” she insisted.

“We are not,” he scowled.

“Are too!”

Yuri coughed loudly. “Sorry to interrupt this display of mature behaviour, but it’s nearly time for you to go and get ready.”

Otabek checked his phone. “Shit, you’re right.”

“I’m always right,” he said with a straight face.

Otabek bumped his shoulder. “You’re always annoying.”

Yuri stuck out his tongue, delighting Otabek with the light, playful mood that had taken over him. He bent close to Otabek’s ear. “I’m always turned on because of you.”

This time Aylin was the one fake coughing. “Will you give it a rest? I thought you had to go, Beka. Watching the pair of you engage in foreplay isn’t my idea of a fun time.”

Raising his brows, he said, “So you can make innuendos about our sex life for your own entertainment, but when we want to flirt, you’re gonna be a brat?”

“No, you just remind me that I’m lonely and single,” she whined, pouting in the way that had Otabek laughing since they were kids. She was so transparent.

Yuri said, “Am I supposed to believe that you don’t have a line of guys queuing up to date you?”

“I don’t!” she insisted. “They get scared off by my personality. Apparently I’m too much for them. The ones I’m interest in won’t even approach me.”

“What’s wrong with you approaching them?” Yuri asked, the question making Otabek groan. He didn’t know what he was letting himself in for. Aylin wasn’t shy. At all. The problem was she had a type – guys she could eat for breakfast.

Her face was animated when she said, “I do! Honestly, I am so upfront about what I want. I ask a guy out on a date and most of the time, they decline me right away.”

Yuri frowned. “Why?”

Otabek simply looked at his boyfriend. “She’s a handful. The type of guys she likes, don’t want a handful. They want a nice, sedate life and then she blows in like a tornado.” When Yuri got riled up, he often reminded Otabek of his sister.

“I’m not a tornado; I’m a delicate butterfly.”

Both men erupted into laughter.

Otabek checked his phone again. It was time to leave them. He didn’t want to. Yuri must have sensed his hesitation because he took his hand, giving him a quick kiss. Aylin had taken the hint and walked off, mumbling about going to find a table. “I’m okay. I like it here, I’m starting to relax.”

He ran his hands through the strands of Yuri’s soft hair. “If you need to get out of here for any reason, give me signal. We’ll leave.” With that, he walked Yuri over to the table Aylin had found for them. Another kiss and he was gone, excited to perform his song for Yuri.

Lights low, Yuri watched Otabek walked into the middle of the stage, surprised to see that there was a microphone. Beka didn’t usually give his music lyrics, though Yuri was aware that he had an amazing voice. He had heard him in the shower often enough, or singing along to the radio.

Intrigued, he leant forward, eager to hear Beka’s new music. When Otabek started singing, Yuri became still, instincts screaming at him that the song, the words had been written for him.

_Your eyes tell me stories that I can understand_

_I have seen the future written in your hand._

_Now I surrender_

_I am falling down_

_Hoping you will catch me_

_Before I hit the ground._

_You are all I see_

_For you, I am falling free._

_I have walked the steepest mountains,_

_Sailed the seven seas_

_I have been looking for you in every part of me._

_Now I surrender_

_I am falling down_

_Hoping you will catch me_

_Before I hit the ground._

_You are all I see_

_For you, I am falling free_

_You, my destiny_

_To you, I am falling free._

Sitting at a table close to the stage, Yuri swiped at his eyes with his sleeve, enthralled by Otabek’s words, his voice. Throughout the performance, he had been transported to another place. A place where only he and Beka existed.

Yuri was in awe of him, so proud that Otabek’s was his. He snuck out his phone, taking a quick photo. He was going to tag the hell out of that on Instagram later on, show the word how proud he was of the inspiring man who smiled down at him as applause rose around them.

Chin resting on her hand, Aylin smiled at him. “My brother loves you. I never knew he could be so romantic.”

Emotional, Yuri could only stare at Otabek as he began the next song. He was…stunning. Yuri fought the urge to question how someone as talented, as pure, as Otabek could love him. He wasn’t doing that to himself anymore. For some reason, Beka had chosen him to love. Create beautiful songs for him, about him.

“You love him, don’t you?” Aylin asked him, the soft question penetrating his haze.

His head whipped around. “_Yes_.”

How could she question that? All he had done for the last three years was love Otabek. Anyone who paid attention to him knew that fact. It was written across his face every time he looked at Beka. 

“Don’t look so affronted,” she said, angling her head. “He’s my big brother, but after what happened…” she paused. “Did he tell you about Jon?”

Yuri nodded.

“It was a dark time for him. It killed me seeing him go through that and there wasn’t much I could do, I was just a kid, you know?” Yuri could imagine it. A younger Aylin so desperate to cheer Otabek up. “Jon was his first love, but you’re it for him, Yuri. You could hurt him so bad.”

_I already have. _They’d hurt each other.

With Otabek’s soulful voice filling his ear, Yuri looked at Aylin. “He’s the most important person in my life,” he stated with stark honesty. “Victor and Katsuki are the closet thing I have left to family and I love them, but Beka? He’s my world.”

Tenderness washed over her face. “You surprise me sometimes, Yuri. I think you’re all closed off and then you go and say something like that. I can see why Beka adores you so much.”

Yuri’s eyes drifted back to the man he loved. “I don’t understand why he does.” He didn’t know if it was the intimate setting or his equilibrium was off balance, but he found himself opening up to Aylin. “Most of the time I think he’s too good for me.”

Aylin’s hand slipped into his. He didn’t look at her. Couldn’t. “You know as well as I do that he’s no where near perfect. He has his flaws, we all do. You make him happy, that’s good enough for me. I know you’ve been going through a rough time – just know that you have me too. I don’t imagine you’ll take me up on the offer, but I can be a good listener.”

Yuri squeezed her hand in appreciation.

There were so few people he let in that he was staggered that Aylin had managed to get that much out of him. There must be something about that Atlin family that he found difficult to resist.

His whole body tensed when a voice came from behind him. “Mind if I sit with you two?”

Yuri sat up, peering over his shoulder at Ali.

What the hell?

Yuri didn’t know how to play this. He didn’t have the energy to get into another pissing contest with the guy and he was beginning to realise that it wasn’t worth his time. Otabek was slowly coming round to accept that Ali probably did have feelings for him.

The decision was taken out of his hands when Aylin greeted him. “It’s great to see you, Ali. Yes, sit with us.”

It was fine. He could deal with the asshole with a buffer between them. Yuri ignored him, though his presence was felt like there as a horde of biting ants trying to take chucks about of skin. He focused on Beka, noting that his man had tensed, spotting Ali at their table.

Yuri shook his head, silently conveying that he was okay. It would make his day to Ali to fuck off, but he wouldn’t do that to Otabek.

Aylin and Ali were conversing between themselves. Yuri only caught a few words. Ali praising Beka’s performance as if he some kind of right to. What a bastard, why would he come here -

_No, stop paying attention to him. _

He was doing such a good job. Right up until the moment he heard, “I’m surprised he was able to go through with if after how upset he was earlier.”


	24. Reward

Sweaty from standing beneath lights for the last hour, Otabek left the stage, heading towards the staff bathroom to splash some water on his face, texting Yuri to meet him there. He had already cleared it with the manager so he knew Yuri would have no problem getting into the restricted area.

His whole body was buzzing with energy, the enthusiasm of the crowd giving him a high like no other. Performing – singing – for Yuri had been amazing. When he had seen a sheen fill Yuri’s eyes, his heart had melted. Yuri, his fierce Russian, had been moved by his words, aware that they were all for him.

Yuri’s grin was splitting his face in half when he entered, hurrying straight towards him. “I can’t believe you sang.”

Otabek flung his arms around Yuri, the contact setting his skin a light. “I wanted to, for you.”

“Your music is beautiful, Beka. I’m so proud of you,” Yuri whispered, banding his arms around Otabek’s waist.

“I’m glad you liked it.”

Yuri’s hands snuck beneath Otabek’s shirt, caressing his lower back. “I loved it almost as much as I love you.”

Otabek pulled back a little. “Why was Ali sat with you?” Yuri was much more likely to punch him in the balls than allow him to share a table. “I can’t believe he came after I told him not to.”

Yuri’s body tensed beneath his touch at the mention of his friend’s name. “I didn’t get into it with him.” The words were careful, as if Yuri expected him to be angry if he had argued with Ali. “And your sister said he could sit with us, after he pretty much invited himself to anyway. Under normal circumstances, I would have unleashed on him, but I didin’t want to make a scene. Not here.”

Love flared, Yuri’s restraint a testament of how much he cared about Otabek. “I do aprietate it,” but Ali had now earned his wrath. His protective instincts were already heightered after all Yuri had been through. He wasn’t going to let this slide. “Has he kept his opionins to himself at least?”

There was hestiatation. Otbaek jumped on it, knowing Yuri wasn’t telling him everything. “Yuri, we don’t keep shit from each other. What did he do?”

Yuri refused to meet his eyes. Words quiet. “He made a comment about being surprised you were performing so well after being so upset earlier. The obvious implication being I was the source of it.”

A fresh wave of anger rocked through him. It grew when he realised that the comment had hit its target, getting under Yuri’s skin. “He has no idea what he’s talking about. Don’t let him get inside your head.”

“It’s the truth though, isn’t it? I know you were thinking of cancelling tonight. That would have been my fault/”

“Yuri…” he started. “Arguments are a natural part of any relationship. He had no right to comment of what goes on between us and I’m going to make sure he understands that.” He was ready to cut all ties with him.

“Not tonight,” Yuri said, leaning against him. “I want to have some fun. We’ll forget he exists and deal with him some other time. Tonight I want to dance with you.”

Otabek stilled. “Dance?”

Yuri laughed. “Why do you look so horrified by the idea? You ice-skate, Beka.”

“There’s a routine,” Otabek explained, hating the slight whine in his voice. Dancing free style, without any choreography, wasn’t his strong suit.

Yuri gave him a sly grin. “We’re dancing.” Any protests he had died in his throat. He would give anything – do anything – to keep a smile of Yuri’s face. And the fucker knew it. “But first, I think you deserve a reward.”

Otabek’s cock jumped in response, Yuri’s hands sliding along his stomach, moving to undo the button on top of his jeans, his intention obvious. Torn between accepting his reward and the sensible part of his brain, the part that insisted anyone could walk in, he let out a sound of reluctance.

“Yuri…”

“Shhh.”

With his pants being pushed down, his cock springing free, Otabek silenced his weak objections. Yuri wrapped his hand around Otabek’s hardening shaft, causing his breath to catch in his throat. It was easy to forget that Yuri had been a virgin a couple of months ago, the man was a quick study.

“What would you like for your reward?” Yuri asked, seduction in every word. Otabek forgot they were in a bathroom, forgot that they could be interrupted at any second. If he were honest with himself, it only increased the fever overtaking his body. “Do you want my mouth, my hand or my ass?”

Otabek suppressed a groan. Yuri was irresistible always, but like this, Otabek would give him anything he asked. No matter the price or consequence. Licking his lips, Otabek said, “You decide.” Any scenario would be heaven.

“Well,” Yuri began, pumping slowly, “We didn’t bring any lube so I think the practically dictates that my mouth will have to do.”

_Have to do_? Otabek was pretty sure he would kill to feel Yuri’s mouth around him. “I will have you anyway I can.”

Yuri dropped to his knees, kissing and nipping at Otabek’s hipbone. He backed up, using the sink for leverage, afraid his legs would buckle as soon as Yuri’s lips closed around his sensitive skin.

There was no way to stop the moan from leaving his lips when Yuri did just that. Wet heat surrounded him. His ragged breath came in bursts as Yuri took him deep, sliding the head all the way to the back of his throat.

It was pure bliss.

A pleasure that filled every cell in his body. His hips thrust of their own accord, his body chasing the high it knew would come. Yuri’s sensual moans stoke the fire, vibrating all through his cock to his tight balls which ached for release.

He didn’t last long. Couldn’t be expected to when he had Yuri sucking his cock as if he had taken a masterclass and perfected the skill.

“Yuri, going to…” his breath hitched, the warning dying as Yuri hollowed his cheeks, increasing the pressure and speed of his bobbing head. “Fuck!” Otabek cursed, shooting his loads straight into Yuri’s waiting mouth. 

His heart stopped when the door swung open. Yuri was still on his knees in front of him, swallowing the last of his cum. It was beyond obvious what they had been doing. He didn’t know if he was relieved or infuriated when Ali appeared, a look of shock plastered across his face.

Yuri glanced over his shoulder, seemingly unconcerned about being caught. The indifference vanished the moment he realised who had disturbed them. He shot up, deliberately blocking Ali’s view of Otabek. He took the opportunity to pull of his pants, heat filling his cheeks.

He had literally been caught with his pants down.

Shit.

“What are you doing here?” Yuri asked, his tone hostile. Otabek couldn’t blame him. He was pissed himself.

Ali’s features hardened, though he was trying to hide it. “Thought I’d come and congratulate my friend.”

“As you can see, I’m taking care of that.”

Otabek curled his finger inside the waistband of Yuri’s jeans, tugging slightly. He would handle this.

Ali’s eyes roamed over them, turning into granite. Otabek knew he was going to detest the next words that came out of his mouth. “What I can _see _is that you’re a whore. Getting on your knees in public is disgusting. Beka,” he looked to across Yuri’s shoulder, “he’s no good for you. Can’t you see that?”

Molten rage. A pit of bubbling lava. He exploded, crossing the distance between them in a few short steps. Grabbing hold of the lapels of Ali’s jacket, Otabek slammed him into the wall, ignoring Yuri’s restraining hands.

“Who the fuck do you think you are?” There was no volume to his words, just an artic chill that was a stark contrast to what was happening inside of him. “Yuri is everything to me.”

Ali’s eyes were wide in disbelief. “Otabek, why are you being like this? I’m just trying to be a good friend.”

“I don’t know what you’re trying to achieve but let me makes this clear. I told you to watch what you said about Yuri.”

“Beka,” he pleaded. What the hell was wrong with this guy? Acting as if Otabek were betraying him by siding with his boyfriend.

“Don’t call me that,” Otabek snapped, shoving him against the wall again. “Don’t call me anything. We’re not friends. We’re not anything anymore and that’s your own fault.”

Ali’s jaw clenched. “You’re blinded by his looks. You can’t see that he’s dragging you down.”

Yuri snorted behind him, evidently now content to stand back and watch the show. “I know I’m hot, but I don’t think I’m a cause of blindness.”

“You’re a fucking child!” Ali yelled at him, his face twisting into someone that Otabek didn’t recognise. How had he missed this side of Ali?

Sensing that Yuri was about to lose his shit too, Otabek decided to wrap things up. He met Ali’s eye, making sure he was paying attention. “I meant what I said. From this point on we don’t have any kind of relationship. I don’t know why you’re trying to come between me and Yuri. Honestly, I don’t give a shit. Just know that it won’t work. I love him, he’s it for me so whatever you’re trying to achieve will never work.”

Ali’s hands came to Otabek’s wrists, the placement of them intimate. Otabek reared back. The only person he wanted touching him like that was Yuri.

“You must know that I have feelings for you, Beka.” There was a plea in his voice. Otabek ignored it, aware that if he gave an inch, Ali would see it as a sign that he was willing to entertain the idea of them being together.

Otabek shook his head. “We were just friends. I never gave you any indication that we could be anything more than that.” Uncomfortable, he took another step backward, position himself next to Yuri. They were a unit. A couple.

Ali was still unwilling to see the truth. “We have a connection. He,” Ali spat in Yuri’s direction, “has ruined everything. I know you feel it.”

“No,” Otabek stated, glancing at Yuri. _Please don’t believe any of his bullshit. _It killed him to think that Yuri might take Ali’s words seriously. He would never betray Yuri. “You need to leave. Don’t contact me again.”

“Beka…”

Yuri spoke up, his patience gone. “Don’t try to guilt trip him. Just leave him alone. You’ve heard it from his lips – he doesn’t want anything to do with you.”

“I’m not leaving until Otabek admits the truth,” he said with stubbornness.

Yuri grabbed hold of his hand. “Fine, stay here. We’re going to enjoy the rest of our night.”

Otabek followed Yuri into the club, refusing to make eye contact with Ali as they left the bathroom. Aylin was no where to be seen when they entered the main floor so Otabek took the lead, guiding Yuri to a quieter spot in the corning. He had to make sure that Yuri was okay. Ali’s anger at him was unfounded.

Closing Yuri against the wall, Otabek studied his face, surprised to find him smirking. “Do you think that was funny?” he asked, frowning. He wasn’t mad, he had just expected Yuri to be a little more affected by the drama.

His grin widened. “I know I should deny it, but I’m not going to start lying to you now. Yeah, it was funny. He caught me swallowing your cum and he still thought that was a good time to confess his feelings for you. There’s something wrong with him.”

Otabek couldn’t deny that. He thought back, trying to figure out if he had somehow given Ali the wrong impression. “So you’re okay?”

Yuri sighed. “I’m not happy that you live next door to a guy who wants to fuck you, but I trust you. The only reason I got so mad before was because you couldn’t see it. You were trying to make me hang out with the asshole.”

He looked so affronted by that Otabek couldn’t help but let out a chuckle. “Wasn’t my best moment,” he admitted, finishing with a kiss. “In my defence, he only started acting crazy when you showed up.”

“Well that’s because I’m fucking sexy and he knew he’d have to work hard to steal you from me.”

Otabek pressed his body to Yuri’s, his body seeking the contact. “That would be impossible. I’m so in love with you.”

Yuri kissed his neck. Blew on his ear. “I’m so in love with you too. I wouldn’t get on my knees for anyone else.”

Otabek made a sound at the back of his throat. It physically hurt to even imagine that happening. “You won’t ever get the chance to. You’re mine. Only mine.”

Running a hand through his hair, Yuri whispered, “I fucking love it when you get all alpha on me.”

Fuck, he had only just had his cock in Yuri’s mouth and now he was ready to go again. “Can we go home?”

“Nope,” Yuri said, grinding against him. “We’re dancing. If it helps, think of it as foreplay.”

“But we could be engaging in actual foreplay.”

Yuri bit his neck lightly. “Not changing my mind. I think I did pretty well not to punch Ali in the face so you have to give me this. Then I’m all yours.”

Images of Yuri in dozens of different positions, crying out in pleasure filled his brain. “Fine. I’ll dance with you, but we’re leaving in an hour.” He had a lot of plans for the night ahead. He hoped Ali had earplugs because he planned to make Yuri scream in ecstasy.


	25. A Lazy Sunday Morning

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for the delayed update. I have finally finished up my other fanfic which leaves me to focus solely on this one. 
> 
> I hope you enjoy and everyone is keeping safe.

“I’m so done with having to say goodbye to you,” Yuri said, his voice muffled against Otabek’s chest. They were laying in bed, taking advantage of the lazy Sunday morning. Yuri’s muscles were deliciously sore. Beka had been relentless throughout the night, wringing multiple orgasms from him.

“We still have days yet,” Otabek pointed out.

He huffed out a breath. “I know that.”

“Then stop moping around,” Otabek said, turning to face him. “How do you look so good in the morning?”

“Because I’m fucking amazing.”

Otabek pressed a kiss to his lips. “I know that. I always look like shit when I wake up.”

Yuri frowned at him. “Are you serious? You’re hot. Always, meaning that I’m constantly hard around you.”

“You’re a horny teenager,” Otabek laughed. “Kind of comes with the territory.”

“It’s embarrassing,” Yuri groaned.

“Do you want to fuck me?” The unexpected question sent an electric current down his cock. “You don’t have to - ”

“I want to,” he said quickly. “I think I want to.”

“You think? You have to be sure.”

“I want to.” The prospect just scared the shit out of him. What if he was awful? If he hurt Beka? “It just scares me.”

“You know what feels good when I’m inside you. It’s not that hard to figure out,” Otabek teased with a daring smile. “Trust me, you’re going to like it.”

“And if I don’t?”

Otabek’s expression softened. “Then you don’t like it. I love our sex life, Yuri. Really love it but, I think it’s worth trying everything if you’re interested in the idea. If you don’t like it, then we never had to do it again.”

His hand caressed Beka’s chest, the dark hair soft against his fingertips. “I love you.”

“I love you too.”

Yuri held the words close to his heart. “I will never get tired of hearing you say that to me.”

“Good, because I intend to say it a lot,” Otabek whispered, sliding his hand to Yuri’s erect cock. “I want to feel you inside of me.”

It was something Yuri had thought way too much about in explicit detail. Now that Otabek was offering it to him on a plate, he was freaking out. “I want it to be good for you. I don’t know what I’m doing, Beka.” His breath hitched when Otabek’s hand tightened around him.

“Anything we do together will be good for me and no one is born fantastic in bed. Practising is the fun part.” He grinned and it was contagious, dissipating most of the tension gripping his body. This was Otabek, the person he loved with his whole being. That smile gave him the safety and courage to set his nerves aside.

“You just want my cock, don’t you?”

Beka laughed, the soft caressing his skin like a touch. “I have been thinking about it.”

“Just thinking?” Yuri teased, using his strength to reverse their positions so that he was sitting across Beka’s lap. He came up for a kiss, but Yuri pushed him back down.

“I’ve been fantasising about it for months,” Otabek admitted, swallowing thickly.

Getting into his rhythm, Yuri took hold of both of their lengths and rubbed them together. Beka shivered beneath him, fuelling Yuri’s desire. He loved getting under Otabek’s skin.

Yuri spent a little more time driving them both crazy, licking and nipping Otabek’s impressive chest, his neck his jaw. Anywhere he could get his mouth on. By the time he was done, he was shaking with need. Otabek wasn’t faring any better, his eyes clouded with the kind of yearning that gave Yuri all the confidence he needed.

Draping himself over Beka’s trembling body, he reached in the bedside table for some lube. He squirted a generous amount over his fingers before eying Otabek. His man was waiting as patiently as he could, his hard dick jutting upwards.

“I’m going to turn around, it will be easier for you,” Otabek said, his voice rough.

Yuri nodded, mouth dry. He was really going to do this. Otabek transition to his hands and knees, giving Yuri a spectacular view of his sculpted ass. He was tempted to take a bite out of it, instead drizzled some lube over Beka’s hole. With tentative movements, Yuri placed a finger against the puckered skin.

Rubbing against it, he gave himself a minute to calm the fuck down. His cock was about to explode and he had barely touched Beka yet.

“Stop fucking around, Yura. I want you inside of me,” Otabek rasped.

Heart thrashing inside his chest, Yuri slipped his finger in, surprised by how tight Otabek was. “I’m going to last less than a minute.”

Otabek threw a glance over his shoulder, eyes smouldering. “Then we give you some recovery time and do it again.”

Yuri had never appreciated Otabek’s knack for making things simple more than he did in that moment.

Biting into his lip, Yuri worked Otabek’s ass with his finger, adding another one when there was some give in the muscle. The temperature in the room had spiked, Otabek’s small moans sending shivers along his spine.

“Yuri….” his lover murmured. It was a plea, Yuri recognised. The same tone had come from hips lips many times when Otabek had been a particularly teasing mood. “Do it.”

Empowered by Beka’s need, Yuri circled his cock, swiping the pearl of pre-cum that had leaked from the tip. Any doubts he’d had vanished as he lined his cock up to Beka. The position allowed him to see everything in detail. His hips surging forward, Otabek’s ass swallowing his cock one inch at a time.

Gripping onto Otabek’s narrow hips, Yuri let out a strangled breath as he thrust deeper, unable to comprehend the sensations taking over him. “You okay?” he bit out, needing the distraction and assurance that Beka was in this with him.

“Yeah,” Otabek replied, his voice weaker than before.

It alarmed him. “Are you sure?”

“Yes, I’m sure. I just haven’t done this in a while, forgot how it felt. Are you going to keep asking me questions, or are you going to fuck me?”

Yuri ignored the reminder that his boyfriend had slept with other people. Nothing was going to ruin this moment for them. “I’m going to fuck you,” Yuri assured him, bringing his hips back before sinking his cock into Beka’s ass again. Jesus Christ, he was so tight, the muscles constricting around him like a closed fist.

Otabek looked over his shoulder again, grinning. “Are you sure you like it? We could stop.”

“Fuck you,” Yuri laughed, basking in joy of their trust. Of their entire relationship. He ran a light hand down the spine splayed at before him, stroking him as if were a priceless treasure. To Yuri he was. He was the light of Yuri’s life.

Otabek arched his ass, the movement surprising Yuri out of his sappy thoughts. Confident that Beka could take everything that he have him, Yuri drove into his ass again. He lasted more than a minute, but it was touch and go every time Otabek squeezed his ass around Yuri’s cock. It was like he had been made for Yuri, created to give him the maximum amount of pleasure.

Soon Otabek was huffing out his breath, whimpering Yuri’s name, telling Yuri that he was close without uttering the words. The sounds of their flesh slapping together in a quick rhythm had Yuri’s blood thumping through his body, sending heat flashing through him.

It was all becoming too much for him to handle, the physical sensations and emotions coming together to create an overwhelming crescendo which had his knees failing.

“Beka.” The name flew out of his lips as all control fled. He reached around to grab hold of Otabek’s cock, barely registering the supressed groan coming from his lover. Hands still coated with a layer a lube, he had no problem pumping Otabek’s dick.

“That’s it. Make me come. Please,” Beka moaned.

The plea was Yuri’s undoing. There was no halting the cum spurting from his cock deep inside Beka, no stopping his hand from it’s relentless quest to bring Otabek to release. They cried out in unison as they collapsed onto the bed in a heap of sweat and other bodily fluids.

It was pretty filthy, but Yuri could admit inside his own mind that it only turned him on more. Which should be fucking impossible.

Aftershocks rattled through Beka’s body, wringing the last of the cum from Yuri’s cock. He kissed Otabek’s shoulder in an amazed stupor. “I can’t believe we waited so long to do that.”

He rolled to his side, sliding his cock out of Otabek as gently as he could, his eyes widening when he saw the sticky mess he’d made of Otabek’s ass. There was no response from Beka. None at all.

Was he _okay_?

Panic stabbed into Yuri’s chest. “Beka? Are you alright? I didn’t hurt you, did I?”

With his voice muffled against the bedding, Yuri had to strain his ears to hear the response. “I think you killed me.”

Huh? Worried, Yuri placed his hand on Beka’s arm and tugged him so he could get a look at his face. “What?”

There was a dopey expression on Otabek’s face that Yuri had never seen before. “You’re amazing. Are you sure you’ve never topped before?”

Yuri scowled at him. “You asshole, I thought I’d hurt you. And no, I haven’t!” he quieted. “Was it really good for you or are you just trying to be nice?”

Beka arched a brow, rubbed at his chest adorably. “It was extremely good. I wouldn’t lie to you, it’s important that we’re honest about sex.”

“So there’s room for improvement?” Yuri asked, settled his head against Beka’s shoulder. “You can give me tips, I wouldn’t mind.”

“If you get any better at that, you might just really kill me. But there is always new positions to learn, other things we can try.”

Yuri liked the sound of that. He was eager to be taught anything that would intensify their pleasure and their bond. Shifted his position, his knee met a wet patch. He wrinkled his nose. “I think we need to be more careful – cleaning the bedsheets everyday is getting a bit ridiculous.”

Otabek’s hand slapped his ass. “You’re insatiable so I’m going leave the sheets for you to clean today.”

Pressing a kiss to Beka’s nipple, he snuggled in closer. “Hmmm. Nap first, shower and then I’ll do the sheets.”

“Sounds like a plan,” Otabek said, stroking Yuri’s thigh.

They finally dragged themselves out of before before taking a shower. Otabek had declared they were showering separately otherwise it would only lead to them having sex again. Yuri had just sat down after putting the sheets in the washer when Otabek’s mouth opened.

He knew the next words were coming before they left Otabek’s lips. He had been waiting for them all morning. “We still need to talk about everything, Yuri.”

Drawing in a deep breath, Yuri met his gaze. “I know.”

“Where do you want to start?”

“Preferably, nowhere.” Otabek’s unamused look had Yuri sighing. “Fine, I don’t know if I want to stay in Russia.”

Shock took hold of Beka’s expression. “Are you serious?”

“Why wouldn’t I be?” he asked with more than a little bitterness. “I’m not going to be safe there. At least for the foreseeable future. I thought it would all go away, that I’d be able to get back to normal, but I think it’s clear that’s not going to happen any time soon.”

“I think you’re right,” Otabek admitted, “and I want you to be safe, but moving is a huge deal. Have you thought of what it could mean for your career?”

“Sort of,” Yuri shrugged. “It will be fine, I don’t need to live in Russia to represent my country.”

“And Victor and Yuuri?”

Yuri ignored the burn at the back of his eyes. “I’ll still talk to them and visit them when I’m able.”

“But they won’t be able to train you.”

He looked away from Beka. “I know that.”

A strong hand settled on his thigh. “I just want you to be sure.” 

“I don’t really have a choice, do I?” The joy of the morning was fading, the conversation a stark reminder of the reality that faced him back home. “I can’t beat them and I don’t want the fight. I want to skate, I want to be with you. I don’t care about all the other shit, Beka. I never have. I just want to live my life without being threatened.”

Otabek studied him before saying, “Okay. If that’s what you want then I’ll support you.”

Yuri gave him a weak smile. “I know that. I’ve always known that.”

“I’m glad that you do,” Beka said, expression shifting. “What about the anxiety, leaving the apartment alone? I want you to tell me you’re going to face this head on and mean it. I don’t want you pretending it isn’t an issue. It won’t ever get resolved that way.”

Yuri hated the reminder of his weakness, but it was a valid question and one Beka deserved the answer to. He did have a history of burying his issues only to have them blow up in his face. “I’m going to continue with the therapy. It helps, it has been helping me. The attacked the other day was a setback, I’m not going to lie about that. But I’ll keep working on it. I was fine last night, wasn’t I?”

“I was with you and Aylin was there too. That doesn’t count.”

Yuri pouted at that. “I didn’t freak out when I needed some time alone the other day.”

“No, I was doing the freaking out then,” Otabek uttered quietly.

“I’m trying,” Yuri said, the words flying out of his mouth in a panic. He didn’t want Otabek to think that he wasn’t. “It isn’t easy for me to feel like this, or to have you, the person I want to impress the most, know every single one of my weaknesses, but I’m trying. I don’t want to be stuck in the past, I don’t want to be crippled by fear.”

Otabek wasted no time in closing the distance between them, taking Yuri in his arms. “You know you don’t have to impress me. I’m already yours.”

Yuri inhaled his scent, marvelling at the fact that Otabek was _actually_ his. “I still feel like this is a dream sometimes.”

Beka drew back, frowning. “We’ve already been over this. You need to stop thinking of me as some perfect douchebag. You hold me in high esteem which makes me proud, but I’m only human. I get scared too.”

Yuri knew he was right. Putting him on a pedestal would only hurt them both. “About?”

Otabek narrowed his eyes. “Did you do that on purpose so I would confess all my fears to you?”

Yuri laughed, wishing he was intelligent enough to be that manipulative. “No, but it wouldn’t hurt you to pour your heart out to me every once in a while.”

Otabek sobered, looking down at their linked hands. “If that’s what you need then I’ll do it.”

“No,” Yuri protested, his laughter dying. He didn’t want to push Otabek into something like that. “You don’t have to do that. I was just messing around.”

“I want you to know these things about me, Yuri. That’s what I’m afraid of – once you figure out I’m not the guy you think I am, you’ll - ”

Yuri stopped him. “I know exactly who you are. I know you’re not perfect, you’re just a lot closer to it than I am. You can be uptight. Moody. Too hard on yourself. Too hard on others. Overprotective.”

Beka rolled his eyes. “You can stop now.”

“I’m just making my point. You love me despite all my shit and I love you despite all of yours.”

“Then why do you think you aren’t good enough for me?” Otabek asked, looking directly into Yuri’s eyes.

“Most of the time I do,” Yuri said self-consciously. “I’ll work on making it all the time.”

Otabek swiped a thumb Yuri’s bottom lip. “Good.”

Yuri darted his tongue out, licking at Otabek’s finger, his way of lightening the mood a little. “Is that the only fear you have?”

Otabek barked out a laugh, taking his talented hands back. “No, Yuri. I worry about my future – is quitting skating the right call? I don’t know. It could all blow up in my face. The music industry is brutal. And college? What if I fail? There are so many unknowns and it seriously scares the shit out of me, but I don’t want to be stagnant. I want to challenge myself.”

Yuri figured Otabek had the same doubts everyone else did. The thing was he never showed them so Yuri could never be sure. Listening to Beka give voice to his feelings was eye opening. For a long time Yuri had considered opening up to people a weakness, as if they would automatically assume he was reaching for sympathy.

“It is wrong that I kind of like you’re just the same as everyone else?”

“No, no one wants to be with someone who has the shit together one hundred percent of the time. It would be exhausting.” Beka looked down, uncertain. “I don’t make you feel like, do I?”

Any issues Yuri had were his own, infiltrating his consciousness before he had ever laid eyes on Otabek. “No and please don’t think that. I guess I just always thought if I was better – more talented, better behaved, happier – at least one of my parents would stick around and love me,” he said with dark humour.

Beka’s expression cracked. “Yuri.”

Yuri shrugged it off. “I’ll make peace with it one day.”

Scowling, Otabek said, “You shouldn’t have to.”

“It is what it is,” he replied, sighing deeply. “Beka, I love you, but I’m done with talking about heavy shit. I want to do something fun with you.”

Otabek pulled Yuri onto his lap. “What do you want to do?”

Yuri smirked at the husky tone, knowing exactly what Beka was eluding to. “Whist I am counting down the seconds to a repeat of earlier, I want to get out of the apartment. My cock needs a break, I’ve never had so many orgasms in my life.”

“I can empathise with that.” Resting his head on Yuri’s chest, he started to think aloud. “We could go to watch a movie, bowling? Are they too cliché for you? Oh, how about the zoo?”

“Yes!” Yuri exclaimed excitedly, “that is a fucking perfect idea.” His love of cats was well known, but he was a fan of most animals. They were better company than most humans. It would be a great way to spend the rest of their day together.

“I haven’t been since my parents took me as a kid.”

Yuri ran a hand through Beka’s hair, mussing it up. “Do _you_ want to go? Say yes.”

Otabek chuckled. “Yes, I want to go to the zoo with you.”


	26. The Plea

“I haven’t been to a zoo in forever,” Yuri told him as they strolled through the open air, enclosures on either side of them.

Otabek glanced around, conflicted about what he saw. “I never know it it’s right keeping them in cages.”

Yuri followed his gaze, landing on a pair of monkeys playing in the treeline. “They’re necessary now. They save a lot of endangered species with breeding programs and keeping them save from poachers, but I get what you mean. They should be able to roam free in their natural habitats,” his boyfriend said under a layer of sadness.

Shit, he was an asshole. “I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to make it weird. I want you to have fun.”

Yuri smiled at him, the sight hitting him right in the heart. Would he ever get used to Yuri’s perfect features? His hair was tied up in a simple bun which only highlighted those cheekbones of his further. And his lips, they were still a little swollen from all of the kisses they had shared through the morning, reminding him of the hot sex they’d had.

“Beka, you need to stop looking at me like that. We’re in a public space and my cock has definitely started working again.”

“I can’t help it when I’m around you.”

Yuri rolled his eyes, sliding his finger down Otabek’s chest. “We came here to get some fresh air. Get control of yourself,” he said in a serious tone before ruining it by laughing.

They spent a couple of hours visiting each of the enclosures. To his surprise, Yuri was interested in the information boards and read them all, googling all the terminology that he didn’t understand.

It was unexpected and Otabek loved it. He loved that there were still things to discover about Yuri despite them being friends for years.

The afternoon went quickly, filled with many tender moments and laughter. It was a pleasure to see Yuri so happy. There was only a couple of times he got quiet, suddenly looking over his shoulder. When Otabek had asked him what was wrong, he had answered with a tight ‘I feel like someone is watching us.’

He didn’t sense it, but there was a possibility that there was someone watching them. Whether it be a member of the public, a media presence or maybe something more sinister. After what had happened to Yuri last week, Otabak wasn’t going to disregard his concerns.

Still, those moments passed without incident and were quickly forgotten for the most part.

Just before Otabek was about to suggest heading home, a teenage girl approached them, breaking away from her family, her expression telling Otabek they knew who he and Yuri were. Though he knew they couldn’t pose much of a threat to Yuri, he found himself shifting his body so that he was slightly in from of him. It didn’t go unnoticed by Yuri; thankfully he didn’t take it the wrong way.

“Hey. Hi. Hello,” the girls said. She was young, maybe around fourteen, pretty and petite. “I’m so sorry to disturb you, but you’re Otabek Atlin, aren’t you? And Yuri Plisetsky? I’m a huge fan of you both.”

Otabek offered her a friendly smile. Some fans weren’t so polite. “Yes.”

A huge grin lit up her face. “Oh my god, this is so crazy. I can’t believe you’re here together. Though that makes sense because you’re together, right?” she blurted out.

Yuri laughed. Of course he would that funny. “Yeah, we’re together. I’m visiting Beka for the week.”

The girl looked like she was about to melt on the spot when Yuri spoke to her. Otabek knew that feeling well; she had his sympathy. There was something about Yuri’s presence that called every cell in his being to attention.

“I think it’s so cool that you’re a couple. Does it make it weird competing against each other?”

“Well, we haven’t actually competed whilst we’ve been together yet,” Otabek answered. A lot of time he kept it fairly formal with fans who wanted to chat with him, but there was something about the earnest look in the girl’s eyes that spoke to him, making him divulge more personal details that he usually would have under similar circumstances. “I’m sure it will be interesting.”

“Interesting?” she exclaimed. “It’s going to be awesome, but I kind of wish you did pair skating together all the time. I almost died when you featured in Welcome to The Madness.”

Yuri nudged his shoulder. “Maybe we should put together a routine, it would be fun.”

“Yes, please! Even if you just filmed it yourselves and put it on Youtube or something.”

Otabek chuckled at her enthusiasm. The idea was alluring if her were honest. “I’m not promising anything, but we’ll think about it.”

“Any song suggestions?” Yuri asked, appearing relaxed. It put Otabek’s mind at ease, giving him hope that Yuri was going to be just fine. It was also nice to see him interacting with his fans rather than running from that, though Otabek could admit Yuri attracted the overzealous type.

Her eyes widened. “Oh, ummm. Crap my head’s gone blank. Have you guys heard ‘Wise Enough’ by Lamb? It’s pretty slow, but I think it would be cool. I don’t know.”

“We’ll check it out,” Otabek said, the girl’s waving parent’s stealing his attention. “I think your family wants you back.”

She glanced towards them, scowling in the way only a teenage girl could. “I swear, all they do it try to embarrass me.” Otabek had the same thoughts about his own parents growing up. As he got older and heard stories like Yuri’s, he’d come to appreciate his parents a lot more.

“I’ll tell you what,” Yuri began, stepping directly in front of the girl. “ We’ll take a quick photo with you. If you give me your name, I’ll follow you back on Instagram and you can have first look at the routine we create. Only fair considering it was your idea.”

She beamed, the sight making Otabek so damn proud of Yuri for handling her perfectly. My name is Mae. I’ll unfollow you and then follow you again so you know it’s me,” she rattled out quickly, fiddling with her phone. Yuri swung his out of his back pocket.

“There, done.”

“I can’t believe this. Thank you so much. I really didn’t know whether to come say hi or not, but you’ve been so nice.”

“I’m glad that you did,” Otabek said. “Do you want to take a selfie or get your parents to take a photo?”

“They are not coming over here and embarrassing me.” She smiled at Yuri, offering him her phone. “You have the longest arms.”

Yuri shot a couple of photos of them with Mae. She thanked them profusely before running off to join back up with her parents.

“You were great with her,” Otabek commented, taking Yuri’s hand as they started to walk.

“I do have some patience occasionally.”

“Really?” Otabek questioned, rubbing the spot where Yuri hit him in the stomach. “Oww.”

“Don’t diss your boyfriend. Are you getting hungry?”

“Yeah, I am,” he replied. “Do you want to find somewhere to eat on our way back?”

Yuri looked at him sheepishly. “Can we go see the tigers one last time?”

When they reached the tigers, Yuri was beaming with excitement. “They’re so beautiful.”

“They remind me of you,” Otabek said, earning a scoff from Yuri. “I’m serious, they do,” he insisted. “Sleek. Wild. Stunning.”

An uncertain expression crossed Yuri’s face. “Is that really how you see me?”

“Yes,” he answered simply and honestly.

At times, it worried him. Yuri was meant for greatness and once he realised that, where would it leave him? Was he enough to hold Yuri’s interest for the next year? The next five years? Yuri was still so young. The small age gap between them had never bothered him before, but when he thought back to what he was like at eighteen, he barely recognised himself. Chances were Yuri would grow just as much as he had in three years. Question was, would he still be interested in Otabek?

He had never been plagued with issues surrounding self confidence or worth. He was a firm believer in accepting who you were and if you wanted to make a change, you made it. But the more he thought about what their future looked like, he grew fearful that Yuri would become bored of him.

He wasn’t the most interesting guy in the world.

“Hey,” Yuri said, capturing his attention, “you’ve zoned out. Hard.”

Otabek mumbled an apology. Hopefully dinner and the night spent in Yuri’s arms would erase the erosive thoughts from his mind. 

They arrived back at his building with Yuri dancing on his feet. “Beka, I’m dying for a piss.”

“I’m just going to get my mail,” he told Yuri, throwing him the keys. “I asked you if you needed to go to the bathroom at the restaurant and you said no.” In response to that, yuri gave give the middle finger. “Fine, you go on, I’ll be up in a second.”

Yuri caught them with surprising ease and disappeared up the stairs. Opening his mailbox, Otabek retrieve his post, searching through the letter to see if there was anything interesting.

“Otabek,” a voice came from behind him.

He inhaled sharply. “What do you want, Ali?” he asked without turning around. He didn’t want to give the man any encouragement at all.

“I just want us to be friends again.”

Closing his mailbox, Otabek locked it. “That’s not going to happen. You crossed a line last night. I’m not willing to be friends with someone who thinks so little of Yuri.”

“Will you just look at me?” Ali asked with an edge of frustration.

Otabek did as he asked, but only because he wanted to ensure that he got his point across as clearly as he could. He did a double take on Ali, noting the red circles around his eyes. He buried his concern, aware it would only be used against him at a later date.

“Look I’m sorry if you have feelings for me, but I never gave you any indication that I felt the same way. I’m in love with Yuri, I have been for a long time. Before we even got together. Nothing you do or say is going to change that so you’re wasting your time if you think you can get in between us.”

Ali sighed heavily. “I’m in trouble Otabek. I haven’t been myself, I started taking drugs on the tour and I’m… I’m not handling things well since being back.”

_Fuck. _

Jon’s face flashed in front of his eyes. Because of his past, it was the one thing that he couldn’t disregard, even if Ali had been a grade A asshole the night before. “Why would you start taking them, Ali?”

He looked down, exhaustion exuding from him. “I don’t know. Everyone was doing it; just seemed like a good way to celebrate each night, you know? I couldn’t stop when everyone else did and now I’m in some deep shit with some dealers.”

“That’s so fucking stupid.” But he knew it wasn’t uncommon, especially in the music scene. Still, Ali had always seemed so straight-laced.

“I know and I’m sorry. I’ve really fucked up. And last night, I just fucked up our friendship. You mean a lot to me and maybe I haven’t been one hundred percent honest about my feelings but I’m okay with us just being friends.”

Otabek couldn’t resolve this fragile Ali with the version they had been on the receiving of less than twenty four hours before. “It didn’t seem that way last night. How do I know you’re telling the truth?”

“Do you really think I’d lie about something like this? It’s embarrassing as hell.”

Otabek pinned him with a hard look. “The past couple of days has taught me I don’t know you as well as I thought I did.”

Ali shook his head, taking his phone out of his pocket. “Here.” He handed the phone to Otabek, showing him a series of threatening texts from an unnamed contact, demanding money.

It told him nothing, but the nature of the threats left him with a dry mouth. What if Ali was telling the truth? He wasn’t close with his family and only had a handful of friends that were flaky as fuck. The guys from his band weren’t that much better. He knew Ali had relied on their friendship in the past.

“Are using now?” he asked, the question once again reminding him of Jon. How many times had he asked his boyfriend that question? Too many to count and the majority of the time he had never received a truthful answer.

He knew first hand what drugs could do to a person, twisting them into a former shadow of themselves. As much as Ali had pissed him off lately, he didn’t want that to happen to his former_ -? _friend. 

“No, I don’t have anything left and I don’t have any money to buy more.”

There were always ways to get drugs if a person craved them enough. “I’m not helping you if you are still taking them.” He wasn’t going to do that to himself again and that was before he began to consider the ramifications his helping Ali would have on his relationship with Yuri.

Should he even tell him?

_No. _

_Yes!_

There were two sides of him warring for supremacy. Yuri wouldn’t understand, he knew that for a fact. He would just view it as a ploy Ali had created to get back into his life.

And if he didn’t tell him –

“I promise, I won’t take anything. I won’t even smoke weed. You have my word.”

Otabek insides were twisting into a painful knot. There was no way for him to untangle it. Help Ali and Yuri would kill him. Turn Ali away and he could end up dead just like Jon. A waste of a young life.

He would make Yuri understand. Needed to.

_Shit. _

He took a deep breath, looking Ali in the eyes. “I’ll help you.”

Even as he said it, a part of him knew it was a mistake.

A part of him knew he had no intention of telling Yuri at all.


	27. Internal Conflicts

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I hope everyone is doing okay in this crazy time! I'm really struggling with writing at the moment, but i will push through and finish this :)

As Beka was taking forever to collect his mail, Yuri decided to video call Victor in the hopes that he would be able to see his Potya. Visiting the tigers had left him missing his own feline companion.

The call connected as he collapsed onto the couch, Victor’s ridiculously handsome face filling the entire screen on his phone. “Yuri!”

“Victor,” he greeted, much more sedately. The other man should come with a volume warning. “How’s Potya?”

“Oh, she’s good. Very good. She and Makka really are becoming the best of friends, its very cute. She’s even started sleeping in bed with Yuuri and I.”

Traitor. “I thought she had better taste than that,” he said, his lips curling at Victor’s scowl.

His smile went sickly sweet. “She does run away when we start having sex so let that be a comfort to you.” 

Yuri’s mouth opened wide in absolute horror. “You think its acceptable to have sex in front of my baby?”

Victor giggled in that annoying way of his. “Are you going to lie to my face and tell me she hadn’t already seen you and Otabek at it?”

Had she? Yuri thought back. No, he wouldn’t have scarred her that way. “This is why I never call you, you’re so annoying.”

Laughing again, Victor said, “You miss me. Admit it or I won’t put Potya on the phone.”

“Victor!” Rolling onto his stomach, he used his most lethal tone. “Put her on the phone now or I’ll hang up and tell your husband you’re being an asshole.”

“He’ll take my side. I’m the one who gives him phenomenal orgasms.”

Yuri held his breath, realising that Victor was most likely right. To save himself the effort of blowing up at Victor, he hung up the call. The idiot thought he was so funny when in fact he was just a moron.

The sound of Otabek entering the apartment drew his attention. Yuri glanced over his shoulder, frowning slightly at the tense jaw he saw. “You okay?”

Otabek looked at him, almost absently. It was noticeable because it was unusual. Otabek never looked at him like that, as if weren’t really there. “What? Oh yeah, I’m fine. What are you doing?”

“I just put the phone down on Victor. He’s so immature for a decrepit old man.”

A breath burst from Otabek, displaying his amusement as he shrugged out of his coat. “What did he do?”

“He tried to have sex in front of Potya,” Yuri explained, outraged all over again. “And then because I wouldn’t admit that I missed him, he wouldn’t let me speak to her. He’s holding my cat hostage.” Otabek laughed. Laughed! “It’s not funny. He’s an asshole.”

“Well, you do miss him so what would be the harm in admitting it.”

“Because then he would win and I’m not letting him win.”

“Always so competitive,” Otabek said, leaning down to give him a kiss. Yuri accepted it, his feathers marginally smoothed by the exchange.

“What took you so long anyway?” he asked when Otabek sat down next to him.

Yuri detected a definite hesitation. It was unsettling and unfamiliar coming from Otabek. “There was some mail for a neighbour. I couldn’t find the right box to put it in.” Refusing to be suspicious, he took the answer at face value. The subject was quickly changed when Otabek asked, “Did Victor have any news?”

“We really didn’t speak for that long; he was just trying to wind me up. I’ll call Katsuki later. He’ll be more reasonable.”

“Good idea. So what do you want to do for the rest of the evening?”

“I might do some yoga. My muscles are tight as hell.”

Otabek grinned at him. “Another excellent idea. Can I watch you?”

Back when Otabek had been in Russia, ‘watching’ had usually turned into stripping Yuri of his clothes and doing filthy things to him. “Sure,” he said, well aware that his yoga session would be interrupted by sex. “Let me just go and change.”

“Maybe you shouldn’t wear a t-shirt. You know, just to save on doing extra laundry.”

Yuri decided to have a little fun. “I could just wear this one. I’ve been walking around all day in it – saves washing two shirts.”

Beka’s eyes narrowed ever so slightly as he stood, pressing his body into Yuri’s in an unmistakably sexual move. It was an instant turn on. In other circumstances, he would have caved and stripped, but he was having too much fun with the little game they were playing.

Bunching a hand in Otabek’s shirt, he pulled him in for a heated kiss, letting him go with a little push. “I’ll be back.”

He changed with deliberate slowness and then grabbed Otabek’s yoga mat he had claimed for himself. When he returned to the living room, Otabek was sat back on the sofa. He had moved the coffee table so that there was an empty space right in front of him.

“You can put your mat down there,” Otabek jerked his head to the spot.

With Otabek’s eyes on him, Yuri unrolled the mat out on the floor. He smoothed a hand down his t-shirt, making sure Beka noticed that he had ignored his suggestion of leaving it off. He said nothing, but it was obvious that his eyes were glued to Yuri’s tight leggings.

Yuri turned a relaxing playlist on his phone, connecting it to Otabek’s wireless speaker. He started off with a few easy stretches, lining up his ass so that it was directly in Beka’s line of sight. There was a tension in the air crackling between them. As if some nameless presence was waiting to see who would be the first to crack.

He knew what turned Otabek on, knew he wouldn’t be able to resist having Yuri’s ass in his face without touching. Yuri folded over, peeking through his legs to find Beka glued to him. Hiding a smile, he transitioned into downward dog.

Once his muscles were loosened, he began an advanced flow and his attention diverted from Otabek for a few minutes, whilst he focused on his breathing and supporting himself so he didn’t collapse into a heap. That would be real sexy.

A light sheen of sweated covered his upper body so he decided to up the ante and threw his t-shirt on the floor. He turned to face Beka, gaze landing on the obvious erection pushing against his jeans.

“You’re a tease,” Beka rasped, fists bunched against his thighs. If Yuri weren’t absolutely sure that Otabek loved him, he might be concerned the guy was about to drag him away and kill him, his expression was that intense.

Yuri cocked his head to the size. “Hmm, I don’t think so. Tease would imply that I wouldn’t let you in my ass and we both know that’s untrue.”

Otabek was off the sofa in a heartbeat, crushing Yuri to his body, taking his mouth with a fervour that was an aphrodisiac to Yuri. He loved how much Beka wanted him, that he wasn’t afraid to show him.

Soon he was on his knees on the yoga mat for some more exercise of a different kind. Otabek wasted no time in discarding all of their clothing, eager to get inside Yuri as fast as he could. Yuri moaned deep inside in chest when Beka entered him in one swift motion after a little preparation.

It was fast, sexy and a little dirty which was exactly what Yuri needed. When Otabek came inside him, his voice was hoarse from the cries of pleasure that were ripped from his throat. He was so exhausted that he relied on Otabek to break his fall onto the floor.

Otabek’s phone pinged on the floor next to them and he picked it up immediately. It was weird, he usually wasn’t that interested in his phone. He was more likely to leave it for hours than look at a text that quickly.

Yuri didn’t say anything, knowing it was probably just some drama with Aylin and their parents. He was fond of Otabek’s sister, but she could be a bit of a drama queen at times. “I’m going to take a shower,” he said, pressing a kiss to Otabek’s well defined abs.

The hot water cascading on his skin felt amazing. He couldn’t even remember how many times he and Beka had fucked over the last twenty four hours. From the delicious ache in his muscles, he would estimate a lot. He washed thoroughly, taking a look at his ribs. The bruising no longer so noticeable.

Being here with Otabek, the incident felt a like it had happened months ago. In reality, he knew it was the distance. As soon as he got back home, it would all flood back to him. Which was exactly why he was serious about leaving St Petersberg. And he thought, that maybe it was time to move onto the next chapter of his life.

Otabek had been willing to move to Russia for him. Could he move here to be with Beka? What would Victor and Katsuki say to that? Who would coach him? There were too many possibilities, too many questions that needed answering before he could make up his mind. He had also been fucked too many times for his though processes to make any sense.

Otabek joined him in the shower a few minutes later. Yuri was grateful for the help, his arms tired and heavy. He washed Beka in return and they fell into bed, both sated and in need of some rest.

“I love you,” Otabek whispered in his ear as he was drifting off.

Yuri found his hand and held into tightly to his chest as they spooned. “Love you too. Now go to sleep before you get any ideas about another round of sex.”

The last thing he felt was Otabek’s lips against his neck.

Slinging his training bag over a shoulder, Otabek called out a goodbye to Yuri, guilt crashing through him in waves. They were so intense that he considered turning back around and confessing. He would, he promised himself, once he was a hundred percent sure that Ali was being honest.

If he was being honest and he was in as much trouble as he claimed, upsetting Yuri would be worth it. Fuck, what the hell was he thinking? Upsetting Yuri was never worth it. 

What the _hell_ was he doing?

_You’ve just lied to your boyfriend again._

He was fucked. So fucked. And furious with himself and his need to become involved in this.

He had told Yuri he was heading to practice, but what he was really doing was going to the doctors with Ali. He had agreed because it gave him the opportunity to discover if the man was telling him the truth. Then he would talk to Yuri.

Ali was waiting outside for him outside his apartment, a large hoody concealing most of his body. He offered a wan smile. “Hey.”

“Hi,” Otabek replied, awkwardness wedged between them. “You ready?”

“Yeah,” he said, shuffling his feet. “Thanks for coming with me, I appreciate it.”

Otabek just nodded. There wasn’t much else to say. He was pretty disgusted with himself for lying to Yuri and as much as wanted to help Ali, every word between them was a betrayal to his relationship.

They drove to the doctors in relative silence, Otabek asking a few questions. So far he hadn’t been able to get much out of Ali. He didn’t even really know what the appointment was for, just that Ali wanted some moral support. Otabek’s condition has been written evidence that there were drugs in his system. According to his story, he had last used a couple of days ago so they should be still detectable.

He waited outside whilst Ali had his appointment. When he came out, he was pale, shaky and so unlike the cocky carefree guy that Otabek knew, his resolve to keep solid boundaries in place was slipping. He had seen the same changes within Jon.

Otabek suggested they go for lunch, so they headed to a small place they had been a few times before. They were sat waiting for their food, Ali uncharacteristically quiet. Otabek sighed, unsure how to deal with him. “What happened on the road?” he asked, certain there was more to story than Ali was telling him.

Ali shrugged. “I told you, things just spiralled out of control.”

“Why don’t I believe that?”

Meeting his eye, Ali shook his head a little. “The bands we were touring with like to party. Things _did_ spiral out of control and something happened. Something really bad and I didn’t stop it,” he whispered.

He almost didn’t want to ask. “What happened?”

Ali scrubbed a hand over his face. “There was a guy. We’ll call him Nate. Nate is the lead singer in one of the bands we were touring with. He…he’s an asshole. I knew it from day one, but we were there and we were performing. He held a lot of clout so I just kind of stayed out of his way. A week or so in, we partied hard at some bar. There were some locals, women.” He paused. “He sexually assaulted one of them.”

“Ali…” he started when he saw tears in his friends eyes.

Swallowing hard, he continued, “He raped her. I was drunk, focused on some guy I was thinking about fucking. I didn’t realise what was happening. I knew he was trouble and I didn’t pay enough attention. I took the woman to the hospital.” He looked down at his hands. “She was in a bad way and no one else gave a shit.”

Otabek’s stomach was knotted, his chest filled with a pain for the victim. “Did she go to the police?”

“No. I think he threatened her, I don’t know.” He placed a hand over Ali’s offering the small form of comfort. “I had to go back on the road with him. She stayed in her town. Everyone else pretended it never happened, but I couldn’t forget. I thought if I could just cope until I got home, I could talk to you and everything would be better.”

“You could have called me,” Otabek interjected.

“I knew you’d tell me to come home and I couldn’t, not when I was finally performing.”

“I’m sorry,” Otabek started, “I’m sorry you had to deal with that, that the woman was assaulted. It’s fucking awful, Ali. But it’s not an excuse to start harming yourself, or to treat Yuri the way you did. It wasn’t his fault he was visiting when you got back.”

“I know that,” he said in a small voice.

“Do you?” Otabek countered.

“Yes, I’m sorry and I’ll apologise to Yuri as well. I just don’t want to lose you as a friend. I need you.”

Conflicted, Otabek drew his hand back, ignoring the way that Ali’s eyes lingered on it. “I don’t know, Ali. I’ll help you through this, but I can’t let it jeopardize my relationship.”

“Does he know you’re with me?”

“Of course,” he lied. What the hell was he doing? It seemed he couldn’t stop lying at the moment. There was a reason though. He didn’t want Ali to think he was going behind Yuri’s back out of some desire to be with him. It was purely because of his past, because of his inability to prevent a tragedy before.

When his parents had broke the news to him that Jon had died, something inside of him had broken. There had been so much guilt because instead of pushing aside his feelings and being a friend to Jon above all else, he had abandoned him.

And he had died.

“So why can’t we be friends?”

Otabek’s eyes turned to stone. “Maybe because you called my boyfriend a whore.” He wasn’t going to forget that anytime soon; the insult was so ridiculous that it should be easy to brush aside. But he had never dealt well with anyone being an asshole to Yuri. As much as he tried to pretend otherwise, he cared what others thought of him.

Ali sucked in a breath. “I’m sorry. I _was _jealous and I do like you, but you know if I wasn’t all fucked up, I would never have said that.”

He thought that might be true. Ali had never acted like that before. But… “I love him and he’s been through a lot so if he does have a problem with us being friends, I have to respect that.”

_So why are you here now? _

Yuri would not be okay with him sharing a meal with Ali, comforting him. He was disrespecting Yuri right now. His stomach turned to lead, the consequences of what he done hitting him like a fist to the gut.

Fuck.

Ali crossed his arms. “I should receive my bloodwork in the mail in a couple of days. That will prove I’m not lying to you.”

He already knew Ali wasn’t lying. Now that he had heard the full story, he knew it was the truth. “What else do you need?” Otabek asked, shelving the friend conversation.

“I don’t know,” Ali admitted, a look a vulnerability flashing over his features. “I guess I just want to know you’re there if I do need you.”

Otabek nodded. “You owe money. How much?”

“A couple of grand.”

“I can give you the money.”

Ali’s eyes widened. “No, that’s not what I meant…”

Otabek cut him off. “Drug dealers don’t fuck around. I’ll give you the money. You don’t have to pay me back.”

“But…” he shook his head. “Why are you doing this? I was a first-class asshole.”

“Whatever’s happened this last week, we were good friends. You’re not my favourite person right now, but I don’t want to see you in trouble.” It was half the truth; he wasn’t going to tell him about Jon. “If you want to pay me back, you’ll keep your opinions to yourself about Yuri.”

Ali bit his lip. “Okay. I already told you I’m sorry about how I acted. If you’re with him, I know he must be a good guy.”

“He is,” Otabek confirmed. “So are you going to tell me what the doctor’s trip was about?” Ali’s entire body tensed. “You don’t have to.”

He sighed, a long drawn out breath that spoke of embarrassment. “I slept around a lot. Without any protection. So I wanted to make sure I haven’t caught anything and I also wanted to make sure I haven’t done any damage to my body by taking the drugs.”

“That was a good choice,” Otabek conceded, looking up when I server came over to the table with their food order. He thanked the young girl, and tucked in. He and Ali had talked about enough awkward topics for one day.

Eating would give him a chance to work out how he was going to tell Yuri where he had really been all morning.


	28. Secrets and Lies

_O: Sorry, I’ll be back later than expected. Love you x. _

Yuri clutched his phone with a sigh, dialling back the frustration that welled. Sure, they only had a few days left together, but he was aware that Beka had taken so much precious time out of his training schedule already.

The thought of sitting around waiting until Otabek got back seemed kind of pathetic so he decided to walk to the same coffee shop he had landed at when he and Beka had fought. He wore a hoody to conceal his giveaway hair. For the first couple of minutes, he was a little panicked, but it almost completely receded by the time he ordered his coffee.

Making that kind of progress left him with a lot of excess energy to burn off so he went for a run around the park close to Beka’s apartment. Body tired from his run, he let himself into the apartment, the silent greeting telling him that Otabek wasn’t home yet. He pursed him lips, trying to figure out what to do next. He wasn’t used to having so much free time. Sleeping, training and keeping in contact with Otabek had been the focus of his life for the last couple of months.

A thumping sound from the hallway pricked his ears with interest. He thought about just turning up the volume, but a cry of pain had him up and running to the door, worried that Otabek was in some kind of trouble. When he saw who was getting his ass kicked, Yuri briefly considered stepping back into the apartment.

His conscience wouldn’t allow him to leave the asshole to fend for himself; he was all too familiar with the pain and helplessness that came with getting jumped. Ali was hunched over on the floor whilst some thug was kicking him in the stomach. “Hey,” he called out, hoping it sounded intimidating. “I’m going to call the cops.”

The guy beating on Ali scowled at him before running off out of sight. _Well that was easier than I had expected._ Yuri went to Ali’s side, wincing at the blood dripping from his nose. “Are you okay?”

The other man shook his head.

Yuri closed his eyes, wondering if someone was fucking with him. He didn’t want to help the douchebag. There was a chance that he would have left Ali in the hallway if he hadn’t looked so damn pathetic. “Come on, I think Beka has a first aid kit.”

Yuri helped Ali into the apartment, guiding him to the sofa. Leaving him to catch his breath, Yuri dashed off to find some medical supplies, his mind buzzing with many unanswered questions.

He patched the guy up as best as he could with the limited experience he had. They were silent throughout with Yuri not knowing how to talk to the man who had called him a whore a couple of days ago.

Taking a seat beside Ali, Yuri slid him a glance. “Do you need anything else?”

With various cuts on his face, it was difficult not to feel a slither of sympathy. It was only compounded by his lost tone when he spoke. “No. I think I’m…I’m okay.”

“What happened?” Yuri asked despite himself. Getting caught up in Ali’s drama was the last thing he wanted to do and yet, he was curious. All the other times Yuri had seen him, there had been a polished shine to him which had led Yuri to believe he had a bit of a stick up his ass. He wouldn’t have thought someone like Ali would get caught up in something shady.

Ali frowned at him. “I thought Otabek would have already told you most of it.”

Yuri’s jaw went slack. “What?”

Ali’s frown deepened. “Is he not back yet?”

Yuri stood, a horrible feeling slithering through his belly, twisting his insides. “You’ve been speaking to Otabek?”

Ali looked at him like Yuri had lost his mind. “Yes, he came to the doctor with me this morning. He told me you know about it.”

Closing his eyes, Yuri turned away from Ali’s penetrating gaze. He needed a moment of privacy, to digest the information without anyone witnessing. 

_Beka lied to me. _

Betrayal cut through all the other emotions swimming inside of him. A part of him wanted to scream at Ali, call him a liar, but there was no faking the genuine confusion radiating from the other man.

He heard a movement behind him. “Yuri, I’m sorry. I thought you knew.”

“Obviously he lied to both of us,” Yuri grated out, putting some distance between himself and Ali.

There was a couple of moments of dead silence. Ali’s voice broke it. “I’m sure he would have told you, he made it clear that -”

Yuri spun around. “I don’t need you to jump to his defence. He’s an adult, he can explain to me himself why he thought it was acceptable to lie right to my face.”

Ali took a step back, wincing as he did so. “I didn’t mean to cause trouble between the two of you. I’m going through a rough time and I asked Otabek to help me.”

Yuri laughed bitterly. “Sounds about right, he just loves playing the saviour.”

“Yuri, he was just-”

He cut Ali off again. “Look, I get it. Otabek’s a good guy and it’s obvious that you are in real trouble considering what just happened, but I’m not having this conversation with you.” He was done with it all. “If you’re okay, can you just leave?” Before he had a breakdown.

Ali studied him for a second. “I’ll leave, but just hear him out, okay?”

“Ali,” Yuri snapped, his patience vanishing.

“Thanks for helping me,” Ali said with one last look before finally fucking leaving.

The sound of the door clicking shut was the trigger he needed to let the tears fall. Surprisingly, they didn’t last for too long. His thoughts were racing; it was almost impossible to distinguish one from another, but there was one that stood out amongst the rest.

He was leaving. Tonight.

Yuri flew around the apartment, stuffing his belongings into his suitcase. He needed to have it ready by the time Otabek returned or he would be too weak to get it done. As he packed, the reality of the situation hit him and he began to cry again.

He swiped the tears away, furious with himself for acting like such a fucking kid. For being such a fucking fool. Trusting Otabek was the most natural thing in the world for him. He had never imagined that Otabek would betray that trust and now he had no idea what to do.

Maybe running away wasn’t the correct way to handle the situation, but staying didn’t seem like an option. And he was fucking fed up with trying to do the right thing only to have shit rain down on him. If he wanted to run, he would run.

Finished with his packing, he booked a plane ticket home. The earliest he could get was a flight just before midnight. Yuri then texted Katsuki to tell him that he was returning earlier than expected and he would collect Potya the next day.

Yuri’s eyes slammed to the door when the handle turned, the sight of Otabek’s damp hair making him want to cry again. A part of him had been convinced that he would have had to leave before Otabek got home.

“I’m home!” Otabek called out, throwing his keys in the small bowl they were kept in.

Yuri’s heart was racing, everything inside of him breaking. He should have left. He didn’t want to have a massive blow out with Otabek right now.

Otabek turned, a smile lighting up his face when he saw Yuri sitting on the sofa. “Hey.”

Yuri’s careful expression cracked, his lip trembling.

Otabek frowned, racing towards him. On his knees, he placed his hand on Yuri’s cheek. “Hey, what’s wrong?”

Closing his eyes, Yuri allowed himself a couple of seconds to melt into Otabek’s embrace. He wanted to be mad. He wanted to feel something other than the betrayal that had seeped into his heart.

“Yuri, you’re scaring me. Tell me what’s wrong,” Otabek said, his arms so strong around Yuri’s body. Yuei pulled away, forcing himself to stand. To put some distance between them.

Yuri wiped a stray tear from his face. “You lied to me.”

He watched as the realisation dawned on Otabek. “Yuri, I was going to tell you tonight.”

“It’s easy to say that now,” Yuri retorted. He so badly wanted to believe that was the truth, but he couldn’t.

Frustration played across Otabek’s face as he repeated, “I was going to tell you.”

“It doesn’t change anything,” Yuri said, his voice a little stronger. “You still lied to me.”

Otabek took a step forward. “Ali needed help. Needs help. I couldn’t just let him go through this alone. He’s been taking drugs; I was worried that he would end up like Jon.”

Yuri refused to be swayed by that. “And you couldn’t just tell me that?”

“I didn’t want to make things difficult between us.”

“So you lied to me.”

Otabek expression was pained. “Please stop saying that.”

“It’s the truth,” Yuri said evenly. “Do you think I’m that much of a monster that I wouldn’t have understood or at least tried to understand?”

“No, of course not.”

“Then why did you lie?” Otabek said nothing which told Yuri everything he needed to know. “You really thought I wouldn’t let you talk to him? Do you think I’m that much of as asshole that I wouldn’t understand, after what you told me about Jon?”

“It wasn’t like that,” Otabek argued, frustrated.

“You’re lying to me again.”

Otabek’s eyes snapped to his. “No.”

“Yes, you are. You don’t trust me to support you.” It was a truth Yuri had been denying for a long time. In many ways, Otabek was the perfect partner, but he hid the important shit. All Yuri had to do was look at how long it had taken to reveal the fact that he had a dead ex.

Prolonging the inevitable was only making this more painful. “I’m leaving tonight,” he informed Otabek, keeping a wide berth when he had to move around him to collect his suitcase.

Otabek told hold of his arm. “So that’s it? You’re just going to leave?”

Yuri shrugged off his touch, composing himself. “I don’t want to be around you right now.”

“You can’t just leave,” Otabek scowled, pacing the living room, “we need to talk about this.”

“The time to talk about this was when Ali first came to you,” Yuri pointed out, “I don’t want to talk now. I waited until you got back so I could tell you to your face that I’m leaving.” _Because I’m not a fucking coward_, he refrained from adding.

Otabek ran a hand through his hair. “Do you think I have a thing for Ali, is that what this is about?”

Yuri dropped his suitcase, rounding on Otabek. “Don’t make it seem like I’m your jealous boyfriend, accusing you of cheating. I know you love me, I know you wouldn’t cheat on me, but lying to me isn’t much different, Otabek.” Now he was starting to get mad.

“That’s not fair.”

Yuri sucked in a breath. “You know what isn’t fair? Having to find out from Ali that you’ve been meeting him behind my back.”

“What? He was here?” Otabek asked, face tight with confusion.

“Yeah, he was here. Someone was beating him up in the hallway.”

Otabek swore underneath his breath, stress radiating from him. “Is he alright?”

“Yes,” Yuri said. “He’s fine, I sent him back to his apartment after patching him up. Don’t you fucking dare look surprised that I would do that,” he added when Otabek’s eyes widened at his comment about taking care of Ali. “This is what I mean, you’re so ready to think the worst of me. I’m anti-social, Otabek. Not an asshole.”

“I know that, you’re the best person I know.”

Yuri snorted at that. “But you just don’t trust me?”

Jaw clenching, Otabek gritted out, “I do trust you.”

They were getting nowhere, going round in circles. He sighed. “Whatever. I need to leave to make it in time for my flight.” A slight exaggeration, but a necessary one. “I’ll call you when I get home.”

“Let me drive you.”

Yuri took in the sight of a dejected Otabek and almost caved. Almost. “No, it’s fine. I’ll make my own way there.”

“Yuri….” Otabek whispered, closing the distance between them. His expressive eyes were filled with the same pain that resided inside Yuri’s heart. “Please don’t go. We can work this out.”

Yuri was a fucking weakling because he fell into Otabek’s embrace. It would be so easy to stay, to talk and move passed it. It wasn’t unforgivable, but Yuri wouldn’t forget it anytime soon either. As he laid his head on Otabek’s shoulder he knew that if their relationship was going to truly heal from this, they needed time apart.

Tearing himself away from Beka, he drew on the strength that had pulled him through so many shit times before. “I’m leaving, but I’m not leaving you, Beka. I need some time and so do you. We can take a few weeks and then we’ll talk, okay?”

Otabek looked down at the floor. “If that’s what you want.”

“It’s what I need and it will give you the room to be there for Ali. I don’t know what’s going on, but it looked like some serious shit so I guess he needs you more than I do.”

Somewhat despondent now, Otabek nodded slowly. There was a chance all he was doing was pushing them together, but Yuri was no hypocrite. If he was asking Otabek to trust him, he needed to do the same. If Otabek fell for Ali, then –

Fuck, he wasn’t even going to think about that.

“Text me when you’re home?” Otabek asked, finally looking at him again. Why did Yuri feel like the asshole in this situation?

“I will,” Yuri promised.

Otabek nodded again. “Call me if you need anything.”

Shit, he needed to get out of the apartment before he really did have a breakdown. “I will.”

Yuri picked up his suitcase and jacket and made his way to the door. Otabek followed behind. “Yuri.”

He turned to the sound of his name, taken by surprise when Otabek tangled a hand though his hair and drew him in for a kiss. Yuri dropped the suitcase, pressing himself against Otabek’s rigid body. The kiss was filled with passion, regret, love. A potent combination that had him momentarily rethinking his decision to leave. Again.

No. _You’ll regret it. _

Beka rested his forehead against his. “I love you. Please remember that.”

“I know,” Yuri whispered, his voice cracking. “I love you too.”

After pressing one last kiss to his lips, Yuri took hold of his case and quickly fled, knowing his resolve was on the verge of collapsing altogether.

If they survived this, it would make them stronger. If they didn’t, they would have to face the fact that they were never meant to be.


	29. Apart

Otabek’s eyes were glued to the screen. He was utterly enthralled watching Yuri dance across the ice like some kind of enchanting creature from a fairy tale. His long hair was intricately braided at the sides, his light costume flowing behind him as he glided through the air.

“Your man looks hot, bro,” Aylin observed as she crashed down beside him, beer in hand.

“Yeah,” he said, mouth dry.

Aylin threw him a glance. “He still hadn’t contacted you?”

It had been three weeks and all he had received were a couple of texts from Yuri checking in, assuring Otabek that he was doing okay. It hurt, really fucking hurt, to be so distant from the man he loved. Physical distance had always been apart of their relationship, but this emotional distance was killing him. “Not really.”

Aylin took a sip of her beer. “You’re an idiot, you know that?”

Otabek sighed, still mesmerised by the TV. Yuri’s skating was beautiful as well as technically perfect as his short programme came to an end. He had told Aylin everything after she had found him shitfaced drunk at his apartment a couple of days after Yuri had left. “I don’t need another lecture.”

He had received enough from her and almost unbelievably, from Ali took. What the hell was with that? Anyway, he was keenly aware of how badly he had fucked up. Just remembering the expression on Yuri’s face was enough to have his stomach cramping and his heart physically aching inside of his chest.

“Why don’t you just fly out to him? A romantic gesture could go a long way right now.”

Otabek ignored her, his attention fully focused on Yuri finishing his routine to a thundering round of applause. There was a small smirk on his face. He knows he’s won, Otabek thought. He was second from last and there was no chance that the last competitor was score high enough to beat him.

He was so proud of Yuri. Months of obastacles hadn’t taken his edge and it Otabek was honest with himself, Yuri looked even better than usual. Was Yuri better off without him? Without the distractions of his lying asshole boyfriend he could give his career one hundred percent.

Fuck, he was driving himself crazy with thoughts like those.

“Beka, just go to him,” Alyin insisted.

“No,” he said, falling back against the sofa . “I’m not putting pressure on him. He needs to make the decision for himself. If I went to him now, there’s a chance he would take me back, but I would never know if it was because he actually wanted to or because I just showed up there and left him with no choice.”

Aylin rubbed his arm in comfort. “You’re right, I’m sorry. I don’t like seeing you like this even if it is your own fault.” She gave him one last squeeze before changing the subject. “How’s Ali? Is he doing okay?”

Sucking up his self-pity, Otabek answered her. “Yeah. He paid his debt, got the all clear from the doctors and he’s been focusing on the music again. We’re actually been working on something together.”

Aylin arched her brow. “You think that’s a good idea?”

“We’re friends, that’s all. He apologised about everything and he understands that I’m in love with Yuri.” He wouldn’t be hanging out with the guy if he suspected Ali thought they had a shot together. He had made it as clear as he possibly could and Ali seemed to have received it. The music was a distraction for the both of them.

“Okay,” Aylin shrugged. He tone suggested that it was not okay. Whatever. “Oh look, Yuri’s scores are up.”

Otabek dialled back in on the TV, a grin tugging at his lips as Yuri’s scores put him in first place. Victor and Yuuri were beside him, beaming at the good news. Yuri was smiling, though his was a little more sedate.

Without thinking about it to much, Otabek pulled up Yuri’s number.

_O: Congratulations, baby. I love you._

Yuri probably wouldn’t see it until later, but as long as he knew Otabek had watched his performance, how much he loved him, that was okay. He probably wouldn’t respond either which was less…okay. He wished Aylin wasn’t staying at his apartment so he could go to bed and fall into oblivion and forget the fact that Yuri hated him now. 

Sensing his misery, Aylin leant over and kissed him on the cheek. “He’ll come around. He loves you.”

Otabek ground his hands into his eyes to prevent them from stinging. “I hurt him, Aylin. I promised myself I would never do that.”

“You’re only human. I think you need to give yourself a break and look at the positives. He didn’t break up with you, right? He just needs some time which he is entitled to ask for. He’s been checking in. A lot of people would cut you out entirely as punishment. That’s not what he’s doing.”

Otabek knew that was true, but it still felt like a punishment. Seeing him on TV tonight had torn him up, a fresh reminder that Yuri had cut him out, if not entirely all the way. He had purposely avoided any of the videos or photos he had taken of Yuri knowing they would have this effect. 

He had a few more drinks with Aylin before heading to bed. He wasn’t the best company and he had told her that before, during and after she had invited herself to stay the night. Apparently he was wallowing way too much. Which was true. He got into bed, his insides flip flopping when he saw there was a message from Yuri on his phone.

_Y: The win was easy, did you ever doubt me? :P_

Otabek’s fingers itched to press the dial button. He wanted to hear Yuri’s voice so badly. He stopped himself from making the call for the same reason he stopped himself from flying out to see him. Their reunion had to be on Yuri’s terms.

_O: No, you were magnificent._

He pictured Yuri getting the message, cringing at the words. The image brought a smile to his face.

_Y: So you watched then?_

_O: Wouldn’t have missed it. I’m so proud of you._

_Y: Thank you, still gotta get through the long programme though._

_O: Don’t doubt yourself. You have this._

_Y: Yeah, I hope so. I need to go. The idiots are taking me out for a celebratory dinner. _

Emotionally exhausted, Otabek closed his eyes. He would give everything to be there with Yuri, celebrating his win.

_O: Have fun, you earnt it._

_Y: I will try!_

A could of seconds passed.

_Y: Beka, I love you too._

The words crashed through him, uncurling his tense muscles.

Yuri still love him.

*

Yuri threw his bag onto the floor of his apartment, exhausted from the long flight back to Russia from America. First place. There were so many times over the last few months he had doubted himself. Doubted his ability to win.

He had been on a high for the last couple of days, so thankful for Victor and Katsuki’s support. Surviving the last three weeks without them would have been impossible. He hadn’t told them about his fight with Otabek, but they knew something was wrong. For once Victor had kept his mouth shut and let him deal with it the way he wanted, with training.

Looking at his phone, he considered calling Otabek. For the hundredth time. There was nothing more he wanted than to hear Beka’s voice. Share the victory with him. He had text Yuri again after he had taken the gold to congratulate him, but it wasn’t the same. 

For the first time in a long time, the win wasn’t enough because there was a big gaping Otabek shaped hole in his life.

But if he called his boyfriend, what would he say?

He still didn’t know what the hell was going on in his own head and he at least wanted to know that when he spoke to Otabek for the first time. So he left his phone on the coffee table and took a shower. Afterwards, he collected Potya from the neighbour and gave her lots of fuss and attention to make up for being gone for almost a week.

The next morning he met up with Katsuki. Victor was off doing some kind of photoshoot, bringing in the megabucks so it gave Yuri the perfect opportunity to get Katsuki on his own. Now that the competition was out of the way, he had to sort through the mess of his relationship.

Katsuki went for a run, Yuri feeling comfortable enough outside to get on with the exercise.

“Come on, slow coach,” he yelled over his shoulder to Katsuki. They had been going for mile and the other man was beginning to slow.

Katuski just laughed at him, slowing down to a halt. “I need a rest.”

Yuri’s face twisted in light-hearted disgust. “You’re getting old, old man. You need to keep up your cardio.”

“I get plenty of cardio, Yuri, trust me.”

Yuri’s eyes widened, picking up on the suggestive undertone. “Are you talking about sex with Victor?”

“Yep,” Katsuki smiled, wiping a hand across his brow. His nose was red from the cold. He looked pretty cute, Yuri thought.

“You guys need to keep that shit to yourself. I know way too much about your sex life.”

“Blame Victor.”

“Oh, I do,” Yuri replied, settling his breath. “You want to get a coffee or something?”

Katsuki checked his watch. “Yes, maybe some breakfast too. I’m starving.”

They walked to a bakery, Yuri indulging in a couple of pastries and a coffee. Sat on a small table, they engaged in idle chit chat for a while.

“You were great in America, Yurio. You make me want to skate again just to compete against you.”

It was a compliment and one Yuri took without a throwback. “Thanks.”

Katuski looked at him for a few seconds. “As much as I enjoy spending time, I would think you’d be sick of me. We’ve spent a lot of time together recently.”

That was true. “I wanted to talk to you.”

“About Otabek?” Katsuki asked. It was painful to hear his boyfriend’s name.

Yuri drew in a deep breath. “Yeah.”

He didn’t offer any more prompting Katsuki to say. “To talk you need to actually talk.”

“I know that,” Yuri muttered under his breath. It was difficult for him, he was unused to discussing his feelings with other people. Otabek had a way of coaxing them out of him without even trying. “He lied to me.”

Yuri explained his version of events, the story coming out of him in fits and bursts. Retelling it, he wondered if his reaction had been exaggerated. He missed Otabek so badly. He dreamt of him almost every night only to take up and remember they weren’t…them.

Katsuki was silent for a few moments as he took it all in. “Are you looking for advice or a sounding board?”

“I don’t know,” he answered honestly, falling onto the table in a dramatic heap. “I just can’t keep it in any longer, you know? When I got back, I knew I had to work my ass of to get ready for Skate America. It was easier to put it to the back of my mind then.” That was a lie. He had just suppressed it during the day and cried himself to sleep most nights. “I want to deal with it. With him. I need to.”

“And when you say deal with it, you mean…?”

He frowned at Kastuki’s tone. “What?”

“Are you going to break it off with him?” the other man asked.

Yuri was taken back by the question. “No. What? Do you think I should?”

“Do _you_ think you should?”

“No,” Yuri blurted out. “_No_.” The thought horrified him. To never be close with Beka again? It wasn’t an option. He just didn’t know how to get through the hurt or the trust issues. Though if he were honest with himself, the hurt was mostly gone. 

“Then what do you want?”

Yuri took a long sip of his drink, giving himself more time to answer. “I want to forget that he lied to me, but I know that’s impossible.”

Katsuki shook his head. “You can’t just bury it or move on without addressing it. Trust me, I know how tempting it can be to do that because you desperately need everything to be okay again, but you have to work through these things in order for your relationship to survive.”

Yuri lifted a brow. “You sound like you’ve got first-hand experience with this kind of shit.” He had never given too much though to Victor and Katsuki’s relationship before. They were so madly in love with each other it was fucking annoying at times.

Pursed lips from Katsuki. “Relationships take a lot of work, Yuri. Victor and I have had our issues. A lot of the time they rooted from my insecurities. I’m me and well, Victor is naturally flirtatious. People love him and it took me a long time to deal with that. To know that I could trust him.”

“Did he ever lie to you?” Yuri asked.

Katsuki’s breath seemed to still before answering. “Yeah. An ex-boyfriend wanted to meet up with him. Victor told me and I reacted badly. I didn’t want to, but I couldn’t stop the words coming out of my mouth. He met with the ex behind my back.”

Yuri grimaced, wondering how he missed all of this. He spent a lot of time with the couple, even before they had begun to coach him. “Did he tell you about it afterwards?”

“Yes,” Katsuki replied, shifting in his seat. “I didn’t speak to him for close to a month.”

“Sounds familiar,” Yuri muttered.

His friend’s lips tipped upwards. “Yeah. So I know what you’re going through and that’s why I can offer you this piece of advice. If you want to work it out with him, then do it. When I cut Victor out, a part of me did need time, but the biggest motivation? I knew it would hurt him. When it was all said and done, I didn’t like myself for that.

“But _how_ to I do I let it go?”

Katsuki shrugged. “I don’t know the answer to that. Why do you think he lied to you in the first place?”

Yuri thought about it. “I worry that he still sees me as the bratty kid I was when we started hanging out. I was selfish back then or more accurately, self-absorbed. Maybe he thought I couldn’t handle working through an issue like that. I was pretty jealous when I was first met Ali, though in my defence I was totally right about him crushing on Beka.”

“Do you really think he would have started a romantic relationship with you if that’s what he really thought?”

“Well maybe he doesn’t consciously think it,” Yuri suggested, knowing that unconscious thoughts could be the most damaging. “Just like I don’t consciously think he can do no wrong, but it’s still there all the same. He thinks I put him on a pedestal.”

Katsuki smiled a little. “You do, you know. You always have which is great, but he’s going to make mistakes. You need to figure out if you can handle that because you will experience difficult times as a couple and ignoring each other until they go away won’t work in the long term.”

Yuri looked down at his mug, his fingers working over the smooth surface. “Do you think I should have stayed to talk it out with him?” Leaving had seemed like the only thing to do at the time. Now he wasn’t so sure.

“No, if you needed some space, it was good that you left. Sometimes it is best to leave it a little whilst you get over the mad,” Katuski told him. “But I do think you should talk to him soon.”

“But he’s competing next week. I don’t want to distract him.”

“Yuri, come on. Do you think he’ll be less distracted if he still hasn’t heard from you?”

“I guess not,” Yuri said with some reluctance. As much as he wanted to talk to Beka, there was a part of him that was terrified that they weren’t going to be able to work it out, that it would just descend into an ugly screaming match or something. He never wanted them to be that couple.

Katsuki rested a supportive hand on Yuri’s arm. “You’ll be okay. Whatever happens, you’ll be okay. Victor and I are always here for you, you know that.”

Affection swelled for the couple. They have proved over the last few months that they were true friends. “Thank you. I don’t know why it’s so hard for me to say that to you. I should have said it before now.”

“You don’t need to thank me,” Katuski protested, a slight blush on his cheeks. Yuri knew the man didn’t take compliments or thanks very well.

“I do. You and Victor have done so much for me.”

“Because we love you.”

Yuri stilled. Found his courage. “I love you too.” It was different than the love he felt for Otabek. Similar to what he had felt for his grandfather. They were his family and it was time that he started appreciated them as they deserved. He would still give them shit, but he wanted them to know how much they meant to him.

“So,” Katsuki said, “what is your plan?”


	30. France

Internationaux de France. Yuri’s destination.

By the time he had worked up enough courage, Otabek had already left for the competition so flying out to Kazakhstan would have been pointless. The plan was simple. Find Otabek and talk shit out until they were _them_ again.

Shit, he was nervous. His body was a mass of writhing nervous energy and it was making him second guess his decision to do it now. Should he wait until Otabek had skated? What if Otabek didn’t want him there? There were so many ways it could go and since he was a seer or anything, Yuri had no idea how it would play out.

He should have waited.

Well, it was too late now. He was on the plane, Potya was spending a few days with Victor and Katsuki, he had texted Aylin to find out what hotel Beka was staying in. The plan was in action. He supposed he could catch a return flight, but that would be stupid and gutless.

Otabek would be happy to see him, right?

He should be landing in an hour. He would get a cab to the hotel, book a room for himself and then go find Beka. The competition didn’t start until the day after next so there should be time for them to properly talk.

God, he couldn’t wait until to just talk to Beka. There were so many things he wanted to tell his boyfriend. How well therapy had been going, the win at Skate America, the fact that his whole body didn’t seize up every time he stepped outside by himself. Those were all great developments that he wanted to share with Otabek.

And he was dying to know what had been going on in Otabek’s life. What kind of music was he working on? Was he nervous about the upcoming skate? Begrudgingly, he even wondered how Ali was doing.

He arrived at the hotel at seven pm, trying to make a low-key entry. He figured a few of the other skaters were staying at the hotel so there was probably media hanging around somewhere. If they saw him before Otabek did, Yuri was going to be mad. He didn’t want a circus, he just wanted to mend their relationship without an audience.

He so should have done this sooner. Or later. Not at an international skating competition. Putting aside his doubts, Yuri entered the hotel, keeping an eye out for anyone who could potentially recognise him. Luck was on his side for once. He got in without causing a commotion, managing to get a room on the same floor as Otabek.

Making his way up, Yuri found his room and dropped his luggage in it. The nerves were back in full force. Otabek was only a few rooms away. Taking a nap seemed like a good option. He diverted his attention away from the large bed before he became too tempted to bury himself beneath the covers.

Before he could talk himself out of it, Yuri rushed out of his room and knocked on the door Aylin had assured him was Otabek’s. “Shit,” he mumbled, his breath coming out fast.

There was movement from the other side. Three. Two. One.

Beka’s broad shoulders filled the doorway, his expression falling lax when he comprehended who was at his hotel door. A pang struck Yuri’s heart at the familiar sight of him. No words were spoke between them for a minute. It could have been an hour, Yuri couldn’t really tell.

_He looks tired_, Yuri thought. There were dark circles beneath his eyes, so out of place on his handsome face.

Otabek swallowed, the movement catching Yuri’s attention. “You’re here,” he said without even the slightest inflection in his tone. There had been no emotion attached to those two words whatsoever.

“Are you…okay with that?” Yuri asked, wondering if he had made huge mistake. There was an awkward tension between them and it fucking hurt. He hadn’t expected them to fall into each other’s arms and pretend everything was okay, but he had hoped for some kind of reaction from Otabek.

Every part of him longed to reach out, touch him. Offer comfort. Anything. The problem he had was that Otabak was standing so rigidly, holding himself so tightly, that he didn’t invite any sort of contact. Yuri’s composure threatened to crack.

With the silence growing between them and Beka not giving him anything beyond two words, Yuri knew he was going to lose it. Like breakdown in tears lose it. “I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have come without calling or messaging. Fuck,” he muttered, losing the battle to remain in control of himself. Otabek didn’t want him here. “I’m going to go.”

Rushing off, he searched his pocket for the keycard. He ran back to his room, regretting getting one so close to Otabek’s. As soon as he was in the room, he shut the door and slid down it, falling on his ass. He closed his eyes, terror stealing his breath at the thought that it might be too late for them.

Instead of running away from his problems like he always did, he should have stayed in Kazakstan. He should have listened to Otabek when he’d had the chance. 

He jumped out of his skin when a fist pounded on his door. “Yuri, open the door,” Otabek commanded as he banged on the door.

Yuri didn’t want to. He didn’t want to open the door and have Otabek tell him that it was too late for them to reconcile. Facing that reality would kill him. But he had to, didn’t he? He thought back to Katsuki’s words of advice at the bakery. Ignoring issues wouldn’t make them go away. It was one of the most difficult lessons he learnt on his journey into adulthood.

Rising to his feet, Yuri took a deep breath and slowly opened the door.

He was taken back when Otabek pounced on him. One second he was standing alone and the next, he was gathered up in a strong embrace. Relief burst through him at the contact.

“I’m sorry. I’m so sorry,” Otabek whispered in his ear, holding him tightly.

Yuri’s arms slipped around him, hopeful. He felt like an idiot for running away at the first hint of trouble. “I’m sorry for just turning up like this.”

“No,” Beka said into his ear, “you are always welcome wherever I am. I was just in shock I think. I honestly thought I was hallucinating.”

Yuri laughed a little. “I’m really here.” He squeezed his arms around Otabek to prove it. “I thought it was about time we talked.” He drew back, wanted to make sure Otabek took in his next words. “If you want to wait until after the competition is over, we can do that. I don’t want to distract you or anything. I just… I couldn’t wait any longer and I realised that it wasn’t fair to you to continue the way we have been.”

A shudder quaked through Otabek’s body as he pulled Yuri back in close. “Can I just hold you for a minute? I’ve missed you so fucking much.”

Beka’s gruff voice affected him on a primal level. He wrapped it around himself, basking in the warmth it infused into his soul. “Yeah.”

So they stood there, right in the middle of the doorway. There would be time for talking. Right now, they were both content to just be for a few minutes. However difficult the separation had been for him, he knew Otabek had suffered more. It had been his choice, Otabek hadn’t had much say in the matter.

Eventually they disentangled themselves. Yuri shut the door, ensuring they had privacy for what was to come. It wasn’t going to be easy for either of them, but he thought that he could get through it now was confident that Otabek still loved him.

Beka walked over to the bed, his feet bare. He must have darted out of his hotel room without grabbing anything. For some reason, that made him feel better. Yuri followed him, sitting crossed legged against the headboard, unable to keep his eyes off the man he loved.

“I can’t believe you’re here. How did you know where I was staying?” Otabek asked.

“I got in touch with Aylin. I probably should have asked you if it was okay first,” Yuri rambled. “I just didn’t want you to say no, I guess.”

“There was no chance of that,” Beka assured him, smiling softly. “I mean it would have been nice to have a little warning. I look like total shit.” He ran a hand through his hair self - consciously.

“No,” Yuri protested. “You look as hot as you always do. Maybe a little tired though.”

Otabek shrugged it off. “I haven’t been sleeping that great. You know I never do before a competition.” And, Yuri was certain, the discord between them couldn’t have helped matters. Guilt wormed its way inside of him.

“Are you sure you don’t want to wait until after you’ve skated for us to talk?”

Beka’s expression transformed into one that was much more serious. “I’m sure, Yuri. All I’ve wanted for the past month is to talk to you.”

“I’m sorry,” Yuri offered. He didn’t know what else to say because whilst Otabek may have fucked up first, Yuri had fucked up every day since by forcing them to remain apart.

“You don’t have anything to be sorry for. I understand why you left and I understand why you needed time to yourself. It was just a lot harder than I expected it to be. You said you weren’t breaking up with me, but at times it felt like you had,” Beka said, his voice cracking with emotion.

Tears burned at the back of Yuri’s eyes. Staying composed was going to be impossible. “I should have called you. Maybe I should have just stayed.”

“I’m sorry I put you in the position where you felt like you could do neither. I want to be the person you run to, Yuri, not the person you run away from. I fucked up so bad by lying to you about meeting with Ali.”

“Why did you do it?” He had planned to ask the question in a calm. His delivery was anything but. It was rushed, desperate. He needed Otabek’s answer to vanquish the last of the hurt and weave their trust back together.

Beka was silent for a few seconds. “I was worried you weren’t going to understand why I felt compelled to help him Ali. I was so angry with him for the way he spoke to you, but then he told me what had been going on with him, it just took me back to Jon.” He let out a shaky breath. “No matter how hard I’ve tried to forgive myself, I never quite can. I abandoned him when he was so clearly in need of help.”

Otabek’s words threatened to wrench Yuri’s heart right out of his chest. The self-loathing in his tone was difficult to stomach. “He was an addict, Beka and you were so young to take on that kind of responsibility.”

A small shake of the head. “I could have done more. I should have,” he maintained fiercely. “I’m always going to have regrets, but I can’t change the past. Ali wasn’t -isn’t – as far gone as Jon was, but it scared the shit out of me. I couldn’t live with another life on my conscience. So I lied to you because I thought there was a chance you would ask me not to help him. You had every right to.”

Without being given the choice in that moment, it was impossible to say what he would have done. Yuri didn’t shy away from the shitty parts of himself. They had helped him through some tough situations. But relying on them that way in the past meant that he’d had to get comfortable with them. He was self-aware enough to admit that he could have easily been an asshole had Otabek come to him, as much as he liked to think otherwise.

He hadn’t realised how much Otabek held himself responsible for his ex-boyfriends death. It was crazy. So far from the reality of the situation, he was certain. For Yuri, everything else paled in comparison to that horrible realisation. It physically pained him to imagine a younger Otabek having those thoughts and watching the man in front of him readily accept the blame.

Yuri moved closer to him, unable to keep any kind of distance. He took Beka’s stiff hand in his, soothing it with soft strokes of his thumb. “You aren’t responsible for what happened to him. I know you, I know you would have tried everything you could to help him. The part of your brain that is ruled by logic knows that too. Without him being committed to recovery, it was never going to work. I hate that you had to go through that. That you’re still going through it. You said you went to therapy after he died,” Yuri finished, wondering why the issue hadn’t been addressed.

“I did,” Otabek confirmed, tone dismissive. He was uncomfortable; it wasn’t a side of him that Yuri was too familiar with. “When he first died, I was in shock. Therapy helped me process it and I was doing okay. My parents and I felt that I was doing well enough to decrease the sessions. I threw myself into skating and eventually I stopped going.”

“What happened?”

“I started having insomnia. You know that feeling when you can’t get to sleep at night? You start thinking about all kinds of shit. My mind just kept taking me back to the last days I spent with him. The way I broke with him. I don’t even know if he fully processed what I was telling him, he was so vacant.” Tears clung to his eyes, choking up his voice.

“Beka…” Yuri whispered.

“It’s not something that weighs on me like this all the time.” His expression lightened a little. “When we started talking after Barcelona, I could forget about it for longer periods of time. You helped me a lot without even realising it.”

“I could have helped you more if you had told me about all of this sooner,” Yuri pointed out.

Otabek shook his head, expression sombre. “Abandoning him was the worse thing I ever did. I didn’t want to you to know that about me. When I first told you about him I was careful to give you the shortened version of events.”

“It happened _to_ you, you didn’t cause it. Please promise me you’ll speak to someone about this. You can’t keep carrying this around with you.”

“What if I deserve it?” he asked quietly, looking anywhere but Yuri.

Yuri placed his hands on either side of Otabek’s face, forcing him to meet his eye. “No, Beka. You don’t.”

Beka’s hand rested on top of his. “I abandoned him and I lied to you.”

“No, you broke up with a boy that was putting you through hell,” Yuri said in a gentle tone. “And you were right when you said I put you on a pedestal. You made a mistake, one that I can get over.” He rested his forehead against Otabek’s. “Just don’t lie to me again. I can’t deal with that. Not from you. There has to be honesty between us. You need to give me the chance to process and work through things without second guessing how I’m going to reaction. I’m trying handle all this relationship shit as maturely as possible. Sometimes I’m going to fuck up too. Please just don’t treat me like a kid you need to keep in the dark or assume I’m going to blow up every time an obstacle crops up.”

“You’re right,” Otabek said, his breath falling lightly on Yuri’s lips. “When did you get so smart?”

“Please, I’ve always been a genius,” Yuri chuckled, relief sweeping through him. They were going to okay. “I’ve missed you.” He hoped that Beka already knew it, but it couldn’t hurt to reassure him. Curling his fingers around the back of Otabek’s neck, he drew him in closer, capturing his mouth.

There was no urgency. The kiss was relaxed. Soft. So fucking sweet that Yuri could feel the tears burning at the back of his eyes again. It was a kiss that told him he was home. His tongue delved deeper into Beka’s mouth, his body instinctively seeking out it’s partner.

Kissing Otabek was one of his favourite ways to spend his time. He loved the little catches in Beka’s breath when Yuri gently bit into his lower lips. They way he opened himself with reservation. No one else got to see this side of Otabek and if Yuri had anything to do with it, they never would.

With reluctance he pulled away. It was getting late and he was aware that just by showing up unannounced he was messing with Otabek’s pre-competition schedule. “You need to sleep, we can talk more tomorrow.” He was going to make sure his boyfriend received some professional help. Yuri was in no way allowing him to carry that misplaced guilt for the rest of his life. Considering how Otabek had pushed him to do the same after the attack, it should be easy to get him to commit. Yuri had a feeling it wasn’t going to be.

Otabek looked up at him through long lashes. “Can I stay with you?”

Indecision instantly plagued him. “Are you sure that’s a good idea? You need to focus.” It cost him to utter the words because he desperately he wanted Otabek in his arms after being apart from him for so long.

“If I go back to my own room all I’m going to do is lay awake and think about being here with you. I sleep so much better when you’re in reach. I look at you and you calm me down like nothing else.”

Oh god, his heart. “If you’re sure. I really don’t want to mess up your chances of winning.”

Otabek’s face broke out into a smile. “You’re helping my chances of winning by giving me a good night’s sleep.”

“That’s if you can keep your hands to yourself,” Yuri commented.

Beka raised his brows. “That’s on the table?” he asked, as if Yuri would turn him down. That wasn’t going to happen. They had both suffered long enough over one mistake.

Yuri his fingertips along the soft material of Otabek’s joggers. “Sex is always on the table,” he assured his boyfriend.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Up next is their reunion continued and then after that will probably be the last couple of chapters. Thanks for reading :)


	31. Chapter 31

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for the time between updates, I've completely lost confidence with this :( 
> 
> I hope everyone is doing okay!

Was he dreaming?

Had he fallen asleep in his hotel room and conjured Yuri up in his dreams? He couldn’t stop touching Yuri, running his hands over the shape of Yuri’s body, trying to convince himself that he was really here. When he had laid eyes on Yuri, it had taken his brain a few minutes to process the fact that his man had flown to France and was standing in his doorway.

His lack of response had made Yuri flee, his boyfriend mistaking his silence for rejection. It had been shock. And then he had been terrified that he had fucked up their reunion. And _then_ their talk had left him feeling raw. Exposed. For the first time in years – maybe forever – he had given himself permission to talk without a filter. Allowed himself to share his deepest regret.

Now Yuri was on his lap, legs wrapped around Otabek’s waist. He broke their kiss, needing to simply hold Yuri for a minute. He was trembling. Yuri was here. There had been many times over the last month that Otabek thought he wouldn’t get the privilege of holding him again. Kissing him. Being the person Yuri chose to get vulnerable with. Victor and Yuuri saw small fragments of that side of Yuri, but it him that Yuri laid himself bare with.

“Hey, are you okay?” Yuri asked, tilting Otabek’s head so their eyes met. He nodded in response, unable to trust his voice. “We don’t have to have sex tonight,” Yuri added.

“I want to be with you. I need to,” Otabek declared, his growing erection evidence of that. “It just hit me how close I came to losing you.”

Yuri’s expression softened. “You didn’t. You won’t.”

It had been too close; a stark reminder of just how much he could lose for being careless and taking Yuri’s trust for granted.

“I want you naked,” he whispered between kisses, tugging at Yuri’s sweater, pulling it over his head. Yuri helped him yank it off the plain white t-shirt beneath, revealing the expanse of his lean torso.

Otabek ran his hands over the hard chest, lowering his head to take a light bite out of the appealing milky skin. “I’ve missed this.”

“Me too. So much.” He was breathless, arching into the kisses Otabek was planting across his nipples.

Their movements were urgent, but not rushed. Otabek desperately needed to feel Yuri’s bare skin against his own and then maybe he would be convinced that Yuri had forgiven him for the stupidity he had shown.

Clothes were thrown without thought of where they would land. Soon there were no barriers between them. Nothing to keep them separated. Yuri was on his back, long legs clutching Otabek closer to him.

Later they would take the time for some foreplay. Now wasn’t the time for it. They were both painfully hard, they had spent too much time away from each other. “Lube?” he gritted out.

The desire receded from Yuri’s eyes for a second as his brain ticked over the question. “My bag? Side pocket I think.”

He found the small bottle quickly, returning back to Yuri in seconds, squeezing the slick substance onto his fingers. Yuri’s eyes tracked his every movement.

“Beka, you’re taking too long,” his lover whined, fingers grasping at Otabek’s wrist. “I want you now.”

Otabek plastered his body against Yuri, basking into the tantalising sensation. He brushed a strand of silky blonde hair away from Yuri’s face. “You’re impatient.”

“And?” Yuri asked, pressing his cock against Otabek’s in a blatant display of need. “Is there anything wrong with being impatient when I have a boyfriend as hot as you? I’ve already waited a month for you to be inside of me. That’s way too long.”

“Hmmm,” Otabek murmured in agreement, brushing a soft kiss against Yuri’s parted lips. Beneath him, Yuri trembled. Otabek glided back, smiling when Yuri opened his legs wide once again, exposing his rigid cock.

Licking his lips in an unconscious gesture, Otbaek said, “You’re shameless.”

“And you love me for it,” Yuri shot back, eyes sparkling with joy. His expression heated before he turned onto his stomach, presenting Otabek with the glorious view that was his ass. Otabek was tempted to take a bite out of the flesh covering the strong muscles he had felt hundreds of times before.

Yuri came up onto his knees, flaunting his ass in Otabek’s face. The calculated move got the intended reaction. Otabek circled Yuri’s hole with his lube coated fingers, sinking one deep inside. His cock jerked in response to Yuri’s quiet mewl.

“Your cock, Beka,” Yuri demanded.

He added another finger, pumping in and out, ensuring that Yuri was prepared to accept his cock. Whilst he was dying to slip inside the tight ring of muscles, causing Yuri any pain was unacceptable to him. It had been more than a month since they’d had sex so taking the time to prepare Yuri was necessary, no matter how much his little hellion whined about it.

Eventually Yuri was thrusting against his fingers without hesitation, telling Otabek he was ready. Anticipation swelled, his cock straining towards Yuri’s ass. He kneaded the supple flesh, drawing a soft moan from Yuri’s lips.

“Beka…” It was a broken whisper; a plea for more.

It strummed on Otabek’s own desire, shattering the illusion of control he had over himself. He lined himself to Yuri’s entrance, hissing when the sensitive head met Yuri’s scorching skin. Pushing in slowly, his eyes closed as he savoured the moment. “Fuck,” his rasped, the word falling from his lips, his fingertips tightening on Yuri’s slim hips.

With Yuri’s ass squeezing around him, it was impossible to form any coherent thought. He surged forward, breath catching when he bottomed out. Yuri’s answering moan alarmed him; he couldn’t decipher whether it was from pleasure or pain. “Yuri?”

“I’m good,” he replied, voice husky, “don’t stop.”

Comforted by his response, Otabek drew back his hips, almost pulling out entirely. There was a part of him eager to remain at the leisurely pace. Stretched out beneath him, Yuri was demanding more, slamming his body back to meet Otabek’s thrusts.

It didn’t take long for Yuri to get his way. Otabek’s sense of urgency rose with every wave of pleasure which washed through him, reminding how long it had been since he had come. He drilled into Yuri, both of their breathing becoming ragged.

Intelligible sounds tumbled from Yuri. All he could make out was the occasional ‘Beka’ and ‘more’ which was inflamed Otabek even more. He made a noise of disappointment when Yuri pushed at his hands, forcing him to loosen his grip.

Yuri literally pounced on him, sending his back flying onto the mattress. Luckily, the bed was big enough to ensure he didn’t fall. He was still disorientated as Yuri straddled him, lowering himself onto Otabek’s cock in a matter of seconds. Yuri grinned at him, bending forward to give him a sizzling kiss before straightening and placing his hands on Otabek’s chest.

“You’re so fucking beautiful,” Otabek said, gripping onto Yuri’s thighs. It was the truth. Yuri was one of those lucky guys who would age well. Every year he grew more handsome, features becoming sharper.

Yuri stilled his movements. “Are you just saying that because my ass feels good?” Yuri teased. Otabek had missed _this_. Yes, the sex was unbelievable, but it was so much more than that. It was the intimacy; the depth of which Yuri knew him.

Otabek couldn’t answer him, the words becoming strangled in his throat as Yuri deliberately constricted around him. He was dangerously closing to shooting his load. “Yuri…” It was his turn to beg, it seemed.

“Do you want to come?”

Otabek bit into his lower lip. “Yes.”

Yuri circled his fingers around Otabek’s nipples. “I think you should make me come first. It won’t take much,” he admitted in a deceptively causal voice.

_Fuck, fuck, fuck. _

Otabek had the presence of mind to wrap him palm around Yuri’s cock and start to pump, instinct taking over. That was all he could manage, his mind addled with pleasure and anticipation as Yuri continued to ride him into oblivion.

Through heavy eyes, Otabek was enraptured as he watched Yuri come, his released splashing Otbaek’s stomach and torso. Nothing could have prevented Otabek from following Yuri over the edge in that moment. Nothing. The sensation of Yuri’s ass clenching around him, the cries coming him, were too much for Otabek to bear.

Yuri simply collapsed onto of him, giving no thought to the mess they had made. Nuzzling Otabek’s neck, his kissed the skin with delicate touches as they both tried to recover from what had just happened.

Otabek brought his arms around Yuri, stroking his back with light caresses, content to remain in the position for the rest of his life.

***

Yuri patiently sat through the first three routines waiting for Otabek to take his turn on the ice. When the camera focused in on him entering the rink, waving at the audience, a jolt of pure love worked its way through Yuri's body. Beka always looked so handsome in his costumes. If he was serious about retiring soon, Yuri was going to miss seeing him in those outfits. He had dreams about them. Fantasies. The ensemble he wore today was black, the top fitting onto his sculpted muscles like a second skin. His hair was messy, reminding Yuri of the sex they'd had the night before. 

The crowd cheered at Beka before becoming quiet, waiting for the music to fill the air. Considering how much time they had spent together during the last few months, Yuri knew Beka’s routine almost as well as he knew his own. It was different though, watching him perform for the audience. 

He felt ridiculously proud that he had a claim on the confident man flying across the ice with confidence and purpose, the routine displaying Otabek’s undeniable and innate sexiness. When he had first seen Otabek perform it, Yuri had been a little surprised considering how strait-laced Otabek could be at times.

Yuri was most certainly not complaining, however, his cock was going to need attention if Otabek kept it up. It was probably a good job the routine was coming to an end. When it was over, Yuri burst out of his seat with the rest of the audience, blowing a series of loud whistles that would no doubt draw attention to him if he continued.

A pair of unfamiliar eyes met his as his eyes touched the croud, causing his muscles to tighten with tension. The person staring at him was an older man, perhaps in his forties. Yuri had no idea, anyone over forty seemed old to him. He was dressed in a suit, the formal outfit a stark contrast to most who were in attendance. Eventually his attention was captured by the teenager girl standing next to him and Yuri was free from his gaze. In general, he was doing a lot better with his anxiety, but the strange way the guy looked at him had warning signals flaring. 

Yuri made the decision to shrug it off. It was possible the man had recognised him and wondered why he was seated with the general audience. Yeah, that was what Yuri was going with. 

After five minutes, he did genuinely forget about the incident as the last skater finished his routine and eagerly awaited his score. As soon as it appeared, it was confirmed that Beka had placed first for his short programme.

Before everyone else began to pile out, Yuri slid out of his seat and began towards the exit. Whilst Beka was wrapped up with the press, he planned to make a quick trip to a local bakery to get his man some delicious treats for the incredible skate he had performed before they locked themselves in the hotel room for the night.

"Yuri," a deep voice called from behind him. 

Yuri glanced back, finding the man who had been staring at him earlier. His stomach lurched. Despite his initial discomfort, he reminded himself that he was in a public place and he couldn't run away from everyone who wanted to speak to him. His career just wouldn't allow it. So he gave the man his attention, but waiting for him to speak first. 

Interestingly, the man spoke to him in Russian. "I apologise for chasing you down." He held out his hand. "I'm Dominik Lebedev. I take it you don't know who I am?"

Yuri shook the hand. "Should I?"

"It's unlikely if you don't follow politics." Yuri froze. He was a politician. Fuck. Unconsciously, he took a few steps back. Dominik held his hands up in a sign of peace. "I'm aware of the trouble you've had recently. It's the reason why I wanted to talk to you. My daughter - you saw her with me earlier - she's one of your biggest fans and I happen to know Victor."

"Victor?" Yuri asked lamely, his brain apparently working slower than usual. 

"Yes, your coach." His expression softened considerably at the mention of Victor. "We are friends."

Feeling a little more at ease, Yuri couldn't help but wonder what type of relationship he and Victor had shared in the past. "If you know what happened to me, you know this situation is making me uncomfortable," Yuri couldn't help but point out, his tone sharper than before.

Dominik chuckled. "Yes, I'm fully aware. I'll get to the point. I heard about the attack on you, who the culprit was and who his father is. My daughter was very upset about the whole ordeal. As you can imagine, I don't like my daughter being upset, but I try not to use my influence too overtly as it can cause complications." Yuri waited for him to continue, becoming less and less patient. "I can see why Victor likes you so much."

"What's this about? I've got somewhere to be."

"The truth is I despise and I have a soft spot for Victor. I got in touch with him a few days ago and offered my assistance. My position holds more power than - will ever have and I've made it clear to him that you are off limits. Victor told me to look out for you here."

"Why would you do that?"

Dominik smiled. "Well, my daughter's happiness means a great deal to me and I would be grateful if you would meet with her once we're all back in Russia. I already told you, Victor and I were close at one point and I know he considers you family. Lastly, I believe people should love who they want without fear of discrimination."

Yuri was taken back by the words. "Oh."

Another laugh from Dominik. "There are people on your side and whilst I can't express my support for you publicly, I will make sure Vasiliev’s stay away from you."

What did Yuri say to that? "Ahh, thanks?” 

"Call Victor to verify that I'm a friend. Here," he handed Yuri a piece of paper, "my number. If you'd be willing to meet with my daughter, call me to set it up."

Yuri took the number, sliding it into his jean pocket. Until he confirmed everything with Victor, he wasn’t making any promises. “I’ll be in touch if Victor vouches for you.”

“My daughter will be ecstatic. You’re lucky she didn’t spot you otherwise she would have screamed the entire venue down and your cover would have been blown. You’re keeping a low profile for the sake of your lover.”

Cheeks flushing, Yuri pinned the older man with a glare. “How is that any of your business?”

Dominik lifted a shoulder. “It’s not. I do find it admirable though,” he said with a smile. “I won’t keep you any longer. Send my regards to Victor.”

Yuri watched him walk away. Dominik wasn’t what he would have expected a politician to be and he didn’t know how to feel about that everything he had been through. He seemed like a decent guy, but Yuri was well aware how easily people could conceal their true selves when it suited them. His mother had been particularly skilled at that.

Noting that more people were beginning to pile towards the exit, Yuri forced himself to move. He had looked up the route to the bakery the night before so he knew the general direction. As he had the fifteen minute walk, he decided he would kill the time calling Victor whilst the encounter with the politician was still fresh in his mind.

Victor picked up almost immediately. “Yuri! How’s Otabek? Did your reunion go as planned?”

“Yes, we’re good,” he answered, relieved that the words were the truth. He wasn’t sure what he would have done if they hadn’t been able to reconcile. “That’s not why I’m calling. Dominik Lebedev. Do you know him?”

“Ahh, he found you.”

Yuri frowned at the phone. “You knew he would approach me and you didn’t warn me?” Victor was unbelievable sometimes.

“I trust him,” Victor said simply.

“You used to fuck him,” Yuri guessed on the back of his conversation with Dominik and the fondness it Victor’s tone when he referred to the politician. “I take it he was the person you were trying to get in contact with.” The reason for the second attack on him.

“We were lovers, yes. Before I met the love of my life, Yuuri of course.” Was Dominik also the ex Katsuki had been speaking about that day at the café? “And you’re right. I did try to contact him regarding your situation. He was out of the country on official business and word got Vasiliev that I was trying to contact Dom.”

Dom? “_Dom_ sure still seems fond of you.” He was pretty sure that Victor would never cheat on Katsuki, but he was going to make it real clear what would happen if the thought ever crossed his mind. “I should have reminded him that you’re a married man.”

“There’s no need, Yurio. I’ve made it crystal clear to him on more than once occasion. I love my husband and if you’re trying to suggest that I would be unfaithful to him, I would be very upset.”

Okay now he felt bad. Sighing he said, “I know you would never do anything, but the politician is still very much into you. How does Katsuki feel about that?”

“Yuri, mind your own business.” The tone was light, but Yuri was well aware if he pushed any further, Victor would be really pissed. “This is good news. Dom can keep that asshole in check and you can go on with your life.”

Could he? Did he want to? He and Otabek had a lot to discuss about their future and what they wanted from it. “Yeah,” he said, responding to Victor. “Your boyfriend wants me to meet with his daughter.”

“Yuri,” Victor warned.

He rolled his eyes at clipped word, stepping out of the way of a family walking towards him. He was expecting to see the bakery any moment now. “I’ve got to go, I’m on a schedule. We’ll talk more when I get back.”

“Okay, text me when you’re back. I want to know that you arrive safely. Say hello to Otabek for me.”

“I will,” Yuri said, “and Victor?”

“Yes?”

The next words got stuck in Yuri’s throat. “Thanks. For helping, I mean. For supporting me through this.” Urghh, why was it so difficult for him to express his gratitude? It always sounded as if he would rather be swallowing razor blades than thanking the people he loved.

He imagined the smile on victorious Victor’s face as he spoke. “You’re welcome, Yurio.”

“I’m going before you start to annoy me,” Yuri told the other man. He hung up the phone, looking up to find that he was outside the bakery. Later on he would think about the implications of Dominik’s offer of help. Right now, he was set on making the rest of Otabek’s days as enjoyable as possible.


	32. Needy

Otabek groaned in appreciation, his boyfriend’s hands massaging deep circles into his lower back, the talent fingers digging into all the right knots. “How are you so good at this?”

“Honestly, I have no idea. I’ve never given anyone a massage before.”

Typical. His man was good at everything. “Just keep doing whatever you’re doing.”

Warm lips descended onto the back of his neck. “Anything for my champion.”

Otabek smiled into the pillow at the reminder of his win. He had ended on a high, taking the most points for his long programme, placing him first overall. It felt amazing. If he continued to perform the way he had in France, he would leave the world of competitive figure skating on a high. It was the way he wanted to go, on his terms, pursuing the other interests he loved as much as skating.

Yuri started kneading his ass. Otabek only had so much restraint and he had used it all up during the last twenty minutes whilst Yuri’s body had been rubbing against his. His cock was growing hard, demanding attention.

“Are you going to stop teasing me any time soon?”

Yuri’s fingertips came to the band of his underwear, hooking them over without pulling them down. “I thought you liked it when I teased you. What exactly do you want from me? Is a massage not enough?”

Shivers tingled down Otabek’s spine as he shook his head. “I want you inside of me.”

He heard Yuri’s intake of breath. “Is that right?”

“Yes.”

“Have you been thinking about it for the last month? How good it felt to be full with my cock, hmm?”

“Yes,” Otabek choked out. Yuri was sliding his finger down the crack of his ass, the oil on his skin easing the movement. He leaned into the touch, his face becoming almost unbearably warm against the sheets. Yuri circled around his hole slowly as if he had all the time in the world.

Meanwhile, Otabek was seconds away from combusting. His hips began to thrust again the bed of their own accord in an attempt to soothe his throbbing cock. Yuri’s long finger slipped inside of him, causing them both to moan.

“You’re so tight.” Otabek heard from behind him.

“Well I haven’t had anything in my ass since your cock was in there last,” he drawled, meeting Yuri’s solidary finger. “You need to stretch me.”

“Aren’t you demanding today?” Yuri tusked with amusement. “Do you want another finger in your ass? Is that what you’re telling me?”

It wasn’t an question of want – it was undiluted need. The kind that whipped his usually calm mind into a pool of frenzy and desire. If he weren’t so utterly in love with Yuri, the sensation would probably scare the shit out of him.

A sharp bite to his ass cheek had Otabek yelping in surprise. “What - ?”

“I asked you a question,” Yuri’s husky voice whispered.

“I thought it was obvious,” Otabek but out, the words conveying more impatience than he would have liked. Wasn’t he the one who was supposed to wreck Yuri? He had more experience. Yuri was too competitive, too skilled in everything he did, to be satisfied with remaining at beginner level for very long.

Yuri didn’t keep him waiting for much longer. Soon his hole was being stretched two fingers exploring him – no, playing with him. Every so often Yuri would purposefully hit his prostate, drawing a strangled groan from his lips. There was some slight discomfort as Yuri worked his fingers due to the fact that Otabek hadn’t bottomed in so long, but it was good nonetheless. Exactly what he needed after the stress of the competition.

“Are you ready? Please tell me you’re ready. I really need to fuck you.” Gone was the man who had been teasing him. He had been replaced by someone as desperate as himself.

“Yes. Fuck, yes,” he uttered. “Hurry up.”

The heavy weight of Yuri’s muscular body settled on top f him, his hard cock nudging at Otabek’s ass. He relaxed immediately, noticing the way his own body had tensed in anticipation. Yuri surged into him slowly, firmly, ensuring that Otabek felt every inch.

He found that he loved the feeling of being trapped between the soft mattress of the bed and Yuri’s body. In a way he was helpless beneath the other man and he loved every second on it. The only problem was that Yuri’s thrusts were too careful.

“I can handle more.” Maybe he would be sore in the morning. Something told him it would be worth it. He didn’t have to skate in the morning so it really didn’t matter.

Yuri’s hands were repositioned close to Otabek’s head and the next thing he knew, Yuri was slamming into him. Hard. A cry tore from his lips, the change in angle giving him the kind of pleasure he used to believe was mythical.

“Is that what you want?” Yuri demanded, breathless.

“Ye…ahh, fuck, Yuri!” he yelled, unable to control the words coming from his mouth. “I need to cum.”

“Hold out for me. A little longer.” Otabek closed his eyes in an attempt to regain some control over his body. Yuri’s fingers bit into his scalp, helping to distract him from the indescribable urge to give into the orgasm which awaited him. “It will feel so good, baby.”

A curtain of haziness fell around him. He was pretty sure that a fire could erupt in their room and it would go unnoticed by Otabek. All he could experience was the feeling of being railed by Yuri – the slapping of their sweaty skin, Yuri’s harsh breath beating down on the back his neck, so much fucking pleasure radiating from deep inside.

Tears began to blur his vision, the amalgamation of the physical sensations and emotions needing an outlet. “Yuri, please.” He needed to cum.

His desperate tone must have penetrated Yuri. “It’s okay, Beka. I’ve got you. You can cum. Cum for me.” Otabek’s entire body shuddered with release, a torn cry reeling from his throat. “Fuck, baby, you’re making me cum. So tight around my cock,” Yuri sobbed, his thrust uneven and deep, as if he couldn’t get far enough inside his ass.

Otabek was done. He melted into the mattress, the warmth of Yuri’s cum inside of him making him smile. It took all of the energy he had to even accomplish that small feat. He didn’t care that Yuri was splayed all over him. Didn’t care that he had cum all over their bed.

“Beka?” Yuri’s voice croaked into his ear.

“Hmmm.”

“Are you okay?”

As if he could form actual words to answer the love of his life. “Hmmm.”

“I’m just going to stay here for a bit,” Yuri yawned.

That was okay with Otabek.

***

“We’re going out for a fancy dinner,” Yuri revealed, taking the band out of his hair and shaking it out before stepping into the shower. They had both fallen asleep after their intense bout of sex and had woken in the sticky mess they made. “I want to give you an amazing experience to end the competition.”

“You could give me that right here in this room,” Otabek said, following him into the shower. The prospect of leaving their warm hotel room and having to interact with others didn’t sound appealing. He was feeling particularly needy and wanted all of Yuri's attention. “I want you all to myself.”

Yuri let out a small laugh. “You’ve got me all to yourself, baby. We need to venture out into the world sometime.”

“Says the guy who hid his presence at the competition for the last few days.” It_ didn’t_ bother him. That was a tiny lie. It bothered him a little.

Yuri pressed him with a look. “You know why I did that.”

Otabek did know which is why he felt ridiculous about it bothering him. Yuri had been adamant about keeping a low profile. The media loved him and for good reason. If they had received news he was at the competition, supporting Otabek, everything would have blown up. It was common knowledge that they were dating thanks to Yuri’s many selfie’s of them all over his social media, but that was different to him turning up a skating event he wasn’t participating in and actively supporting Otabek as his boyfriend.

It would have caused chaos so a part of him was grateful for Yuri’s consideration. Still, it would have been good to cement their relationship as a couple to the world. Otabek was proud to call Yuri his boyfriend and sometimes, he just felt like shouting if from the rooftops. After all the shit they had been through, he wanted to celebrate their relationship.

Yuri began to lather his back with soap. “I take your silence as agreement.”

“Yeah, I know and I’m thankful. It would have been nice to publicly stake my claim on you.”

Yuri let out a carefree laugh. “I think I like it when you get a little possessive.” His arms came Otabek’s waist, face burrowing in the hollow of his neck. “Anyone who looks on my social media will know I’m yours.”

“The constant tags _are _a little obvious,” Otabek agreed.

“That’s the point. I don’t want anyone hitting on my man.”

Otabek chuckled, Yuri’s shamelessness delighting him. “More people hit on you than me. Do you want me to wash your hair?”

“Does it make me pathetic if I say yes?” Otabek took that as an agreement and squirted a healthy amount of shampoo in his hand before massaging it into Yuri’s scalp. “And no they don’t. If anyone did, I would tell them to fuck off.”

“You can’t do that unless they’re being inappropriate,” he commented, finishing up with Yuri’s hair. He swatted the other man’s ass. “Rinse the shampoo out.”

“Yes, sir,” Yuri said with a salute.

“You’re an idiot.”

“But you love me anyway.”

Bringing Yuri in for a kiss, he whispered, “Yes, I do.”

An hour later they were seated at a table for two in a fancy restaurant. Despite his initial hesitation, Otbaek was enjoying getting out of the hotel room. Yuri looked stunning, his long blonde hair tied up, enhancing the fine bone structure of his face. He had gone to some effort with his appearance, wearing a new shirt that exposed most of his collar bone. Every time he leaned forward, Otabek could see the toned muscles of Yuri’s chest.

He’d been thoroughly fucked by Yuri a few hours ago; he should have been sated for the rest of their date at least. But no, Yuri was too enticing. It was made worse by the fact that his boyfriend wasn’t even seducing him on purpose. Temptation emitted from his pores; a natural sex appeal.

“We need to talk about what happens next,” Otbaek said with a hint of hesitation. They were having a nice meal, they were enjoying each other’s company after a long time apart. He didn’t want to rock the boat too much.

Yuri took a large sip of his wine before speaking. “I know you’re right. The last couple of days we’ve been in a bubble and it was good to forget about the future for a little while.”

“I get that, I do.” He smiled at the memories they had made together. “But we need to figure out what we’re going to do, Yuri. Do you want to stay in Russia? I know you were thinking of relocating, but with Victor’s friend lending you his support, the need to leave may be gone.”

“I’ve been thinking about it a lot, even before Victor’s boyfriend was thrown into the mix.”

Otabek laughed. “You need to stop calling him that before you see Victor. From the sounds of his reaction, he’s not going to take it well if you keep winding him up about the politician.”

“I know,” Yuri agreed, sitting back. “I still can’t get over it. The guy was at least ten years older than him and you should have heard the tone he used when he mentioned Victor’s name. He definitely still has a thing for Victor.”

“He probably does, but you know Victor would never do anything to betray Yuuri.” Which reminded Otbaek that he and Yuri still had yet to talk about Ali. Despite Yuri telling him to help Ali when he had left Kazakhstan, Otabek wasn’t sure how his boyfriend was going to take the news that they had been hanging out on a regular basis. He needed to instigate the conversation before their time together in France was over. 

“I would kick his ass,” Yuri muttered.

That would be hilarious to watch. Yuri could be vicious when he wanted and so could Victor. “Whilst I would like to see that one day, I think you’re changing the subject.”

“Because I don’t know what to do, Beka. I feel like my time in Russia has come to an end, but I don’t know how I could leave Victor and Katsuki behind. They’ve become my family over the last couple of years, that’s before delving into the whole issue of them being my coaches; I need to be close to them. They’re settled in St Petersburg, they’ve built a life there.” His eyes settled on Otabek’s with a half smile. “And then there’s you. If we’re together, I feel like this is a decision that we need to make together as we both have to live with it. I don’t want to live thousands of miles away from you.”

If the last month had taught Otabek anything, it was that their long-distance arrangement wasn’t working for him either. “If you need to stay in Russia for your training, I understand that. I have no problem with being based there.” They both knew that their schedules would demand a lot of their time and attention, but if Otabek were to make the move to Russia, seeing each other would be a hell of a lot easier. But… “That is if you want us to move in together.”

Yuri’s hand found his, warm and strong. “Of course I do. I want all of that domestic shit I give Victor and Katsuki crap for.”

A smile broke out on Otabek’s face. “You won’t get bored of me if I’m telling you to pick up your dirty laundry?”

“I’m never going to get bored of you,” Yuri laughed, eyes beaming. “Sometimes when I wake up before you I just lay there and watch you sleep. When you were performing the other day, I could barely comprehend that you’re mine. Beka, I’m so fucking in love with you. I know there will be annoying things we need to iron out when we live together, but I can’t tell you how much I want it. I want to be there for you when you have a shit day. I want you to be there for me when I do.”

Otabek could picture it, coming home to the comfort of Yuri’s arms when the world had been too much for him to handle that day. “I want that too.”

“How do we get there?” Yuri asked softly.

Sitting across from Yuri, their hands intertwined, Otabek felt like anything was possible. He recognised that their goals were possible, but there was no way it would be as easy as they both wanted it to be.

“I guess we start by talking to your dads,” Otabek said, unable to keep his laughter in.

Yuri spluttered. “My dads? What the fuck Beka?”

Otabek patted his cheek, smiling at him with an adoring gaze. They were going to be okay. All they had to do was figure out the logistics.


	33. The Dinner

Yuri stepped off the plane with Otabek by his side, his boyfriend carving some precious time out of his schedule to be there when Yuri discussed the future with his coaches. He had two days before Beka went home which meant he would have to talk to Victor and Katsuki soon.

He knew there was no reason to be nervous. The two men were the closet thing to family he had left. Still, that didn’t stop the churning in his gut every time he thought about talking to them about the future.

Leaving them would be more painful than he was willing to admit, even to himself. Next to Otabek the couple had been his biggest source of comfort and support over the last few years. If it came to them parting ways in a professional capacity, he didn’t know where that left their relationship on a personal level.

Though he knew it was a disservice to them, he couldn’t help but wonder if lose all interest in him if they stopped acting as his coaches. His wasn’t as adept as concealing his nerves as he thought because Otabek was smothering him in attention, as if he were trying to distract him from his thoughts.

They arrived at Yuri’s apartment during the early afternoon, both of them exhausted from the last few days of vigorous sex and in Otabek’s case, the competition too. Sinking onto the sofa, he pulled Beka down beside him, lounging all over the strong body. He was looking forward to an afternoon of snuggling with his boyfriend.

Otabek cradle an arm around him, cocooning Yuri in a layer of warmth and protection. He was perfectly content until Beka uttered the following words. “You should text Victor and ask them over for dinner.”

Yuri hid his face in Otabek’s neck, pouting. “We’ve literally just arrived in the country. Can’t it wait until tomorrow? I’m too tired to deal with Victor today.”

“Waiting is only going to strengthen your nerves. You may as well get it over and done with and then we’ll have the next two days to spend with each other without interruption before I have to get back..”

That reasoning had him rethinking his decision. “But I don’t want to cook,” he whined, imagining all the effort it would take to prepare a meal that Victor would eat without comment.

“We’ll find a simple recipe, or we could just get some take out,” Otabek suggested, trying to be helpful. “Or maybe we could take them out to dinner?”

“No,” Yuri protested, immediately vetoing that idea. He wasn’t in the mood to get dressed up. If he had his way, he would be stripping out of his traveling clothes and getting Otabek into bed. “If I have to talk to them today, we’ll order take out. I think that restaurant Katsuki likes does delivery. Victor can’t argue with that because he won’t deny his man anything in this world.”

Otabek’s body shook with laughter, his hand caressing Yuri’s hair. “That sounds like a good plan. Message him and set it up.”

Unfortunately, the pair were free. Victor text him back right away, his response way too excited for the mediocre plans. Yuri sighed, resting his head back against Otabek’s chest. “I can’t believe you’re making me do this.”

“Yuri it’s the reason why I came back to Russia with you. If I left you to do it in your own time, we wouldn’t move in together until we were in our forties.” He pressed a kiss on top of Yuri’s head. “They’ll be happy for us and they’ll understand. They went through the same kind of situation a couple of years back.”

Otabek’s phone sounded with a notification. He dug into his pocket to fish the phone out, slightly jostling Yuri in the process.

_A: I’m doing okay thanks. Better. When are you back home?_

Yuri glanced at the messaged displayed on the screen. Due to their entangled limbs, there was no way of not seeing the message from Ali. He swallowed the discomfort he felt desperately wanted to put the shit with Ali firmly behind them. Seeing the name reminded him of how close he and Beka had come to destroying their relationship.

Oatbek had tensed next to him after realising he had been able to read the words, obviously expecting some kind of outburst. “I’m sorry,” he said, carefully placing the phone on the arm of the sofa.

Relaxation ruined, Yuri extricated himself from Otbaek’s hold. “I don’t have a problem with the two of you talking as long as he knows that your relationship is platonic.”

“He does,” Beka assured him, his brown eyes losing the light that had been evident in their last few days together. “I’ve been helping him get his life back on track, that’s all. He knows that my heart is yours and nothing will ever change that.”

“Then there isn’t a problem, is there?” Yuri hoped that would be the end of the conversation regarding Ali.

Apparently he had no such luck. Otabek shifted towards him, expression filled with concern. “But it makes you sad.”

Yuri huffed out a breath. “The thought of you talking to him doesn’t make me sad, Beka. It’s the thought that our relationship imploded because we didn’t trust each other enough. Since we sorted everything out, its easy to forget that because I’ve been so happy. Seeing his name just reminded me that we have lot of work to do still. If we’re serious about making ‘us’ work long term, we need to be stronger. There are going to be people that come in and out of our lives. Something may happen again like it did with Ali. Are we going to fall apart every time things become a little more difficult to navigate?”

Otabek sighed, clasping Yuri’s hand in his. “I can understand your concerns and if I’m honest, I share them at times. But I remind myself that we’re only human. We’ve been friends for years, we know how to overcome obstacles as friends. Being in a relationship is a total different ballgame. We’re still learning.”

“I know,” Yuri breathed. “You know how you told me you were worried I put you on a pedestal? I think I’ve done that with our relationship too. I wanted you so for long that when I finally got you, I took it for granted that everything would work out for us. Now I realise it takes a lot of effort and good communication.”

“So why are you worried? We’re more prepared to deal with shit now.”

Yuri shrugged a little. “It’s easy to know those two things are needed right now. We’re happy, looking forward to finally getting to be together properly. Any semblance of common sense just slips away as soon as the shit begins to hit the fan.”

"We learned a lot over the past few months and all we can do is trust ourselves not to make the same mistakes. We're not stupid, Yuri. I would say the both of us are pretty good at learning from our mistakes so I have faith that we can and will muddle through tough situations a little better in the future and that's all we can ask for."

He was right, Yuri knew he was right. Overthinking possible scenarios that could develop in the future was more harmful that helpful too. "We'll be okay, right?" he asked, returning to his position tucked into Beka's side. 

Otabek tightened his hold on Yuri. "Yeah, I think we will."

**

“Do you have to be so dramatic? You saw me like a week ago,” Yuri reminded Victor who wouldn’t release him from an overbearing hug. Yuri shoved the other man away and accepted a much quicker hug from Katsuki before returning to Otabek’s side.

There was a little small talk whilst they all caught up with each other. Victor and Katsuki congratulated Otabek on his performance in France. As usual, Victor was all over his husband. Another time, Yuri may have reluctantly found it cute, but sitting across from them, he couldn’t get that politician out of his head.

The whole situation irked him more than it should. Katsuki had come to mean a great deal to him over the years and it pissed him off to think that Dominik was the ex-boyfriend that Victor had met behind Katsuki’s back. As far as Yuri knew, Victor had only had a few serious relationships before settling down with Katsuki so there was a high possibility the ex was Dominik.

A knock at his door had him rising from his cross legged position on the floor. His stomach was happy to find it was their food. A couple of minutes later they were sat around Yuri’s compact dining table, delving into the food.

“It was nice of you to invite us over, Yuri. Thank you,” Katsuki said, smiling at him.

Victor cocked his head a little. “Too nice.”

Katsuki elbowed his husband. “Don’t be so rude.”

“Well you have to admit, it is a bit strange. Have you ever invited us over for dinner before?” Victor asked, obviously enjoying himself by teasing Yuri.

“Yes, I have,” he replied, stuffing a forkful of meat into his mouth to stop himself from saying anything more. He didn’t want to get riled up by Victor before they’d had a chance to talk.

“When?” Victor shot back.

Yuri thought back, certain he had invited them over for dinner before. He’d been to their house a lot. They had been out to dinner a few times. Had he invited them over for a meal before?

Otakek put a comforting hand on his thigh. “Yuuri, I hear you’ve been giving lessons to children at the rink. How’s that been going?” It was a blatant attempt to change the direction of the conversation. Luckily it seemed to work.

“It’s fun. A lot easier than coaching Yurio, that’s for sure.”

Yuri snorted. “Are you kidding? I’m an absolute dream to work with. Those little brats are annoying as hell.” A couple of weeks ago he had shown up early for practice whilst Katuski was finishing up with the kids. The moment the other man had spotted him, an evil glint had entered his eyes. It had taken him half an hour to escape the attention of the little devils. “Thanks for throwing me in the deep end there.”

They engaged in more conversation and again, Yuri was so thankful that Otabek was by his side. Every time Yuri’s nerves began to get the better of him, his man was there to steer the topic around to something more neutral that they could all laugh about. More than once through the dinner, Yuri had found his eyes lingering on Beka. He was so lucky to have the love of a man as good as Otabek and there was no way he was forgetting that again any time soon.

“So are you going to tell us what’s going on?” Victor asked, forcing Yuri into the conversation he was desperately attempting to stall. It was unnerving, Yuri decided, how the older man could do that. Appear harmless one second and the next,

Palms sweating, Yuri refused to look his coaches in the eye. It was easier that way. “We want to move in together.” The words left his mouth in a rush.

Katsuki was the first to reaction. “That’s great, Yurio.”

“I don’t want to live in Russia anymore,” he blurted out.

Otabek’s presence beside him was the best comfort he could have asked for. Beka’s hand in his grounded him like nothing else. It gave him the courage to look at his coaches. The couple were sharing their own glances, communicating with each other without the use of words. It left Yuri feeling uneasy.

Unable to stand the tension that was building, Yuri blew out a frustrated breath. “What?”

“Well,” Victor drew out the word, “we have been thinking of relocating ourselves.”

“What?” Yuri snapped, unjustifiably angry at the thought of it. He looked at Beka, words getting caught in his throat. “You were going to leave me?”

“No,” Katsuki answered, offering him a reassuring smile. “Of course not. We’ve been talking about the future a lot lately and its an idea that surfaced.”

Disgruntled, Yuri glanced between the two of them. “If you say so.”

Victor chuckled. “And you accuse me of being dramatic. Yuri, you know you are a member of our family. We would never make a decision like that without discussing it with you.”

“Yeah, because you’re my coaches.” It left a sour taste in his mouth.

“No,” Victor countered, crossing his legs. “You know that’s not true. Why are you being so ridiculous about this? You brought it up first.”

“I’m not being ridiculous and I think I have a good reason not to live in this fucking country. Even with your ex boyfriend’s protection,” he hurled at Victor, his emotions getting the better of him. “Who by the way, still wants to get in your pants.”

Oh shit. He had mentioned Dominik. He looked to Katsuki, then to Victor and back to Katsuki. God, he was such a dumbass and still had no control over his fucking mouth. It was at times like these he wondered if he grown up at all over the last few years.

What should have been a calm conversation had turned into a shit show because of him.

“Yuri,” Otabek admonished quietly.

Usually he would be annoyed at Beka for rebuking him in front of others, but he supposed he kind of deserved it. “I’m sorry,” he told all three of them. “I didn’t mean to make this so difficult. It’s just…hard, I guess.” A shit apology, but his skills in that area had yet to truly develop. 

The problem was the situation was stressful for him. In a way he felt like he was betraying Katsuki and Victor by wanting to leave Russia and it was a hell of a lot easier to get mad at them than deal with the guilt. As much as he knew it wasn’t fair to them, he did feel blindsided by the information that they were thinking of relocating.

“You’re forgiven,” Katuski said easily, making him feel worse. “But we can talk about this calmly. What exactly do you mean when you say you want to leave Russia? Are you planning to move to Otabek’s home country?”

Yuri looked to Otabak, hoping he could explain the situation in a better way without cocking it up so spectacularly. His boyfriend came through for him, turning to the other two men. “We haven’t really planned that far ahead. All we’re sure on is that we want to be together. They’ll be times when we’re both travelling, however, if we shared a home, a base, we’ll see each other way more than we do now. Long distance just isn’t cutting it for us anymore.”

His coaches shared another weird look, piquing Yuri’s interest. “So you don’t have a location in mind?” Victor asked.

“No,” Yuri answered honestly. He and Beka had thrown around a couple of ideas, but neither were particularly fussy about where they lived. As long as there was a decent music scene close by and a rink to practice in, they would be set. “Where are you guys thinking about going?”

Katsuki spoke this time. “We were actually thinking about moving to Japan. Ahh..” he looked to Victor again, a slight flush showing up on his cheeks. “We want children. A child. Maybe more than one. If we are blessed with a child, I want to be closer to my family. It’s a lose plan. We thought it would be a couple of years from now, but if the timing is right…” he broke off, smiling at his husband.

Yuri couldn’t say he was surprised at the news. Still feeling terrible about the way he had behaved throughout the dinner, he gave himself permission to speak honestly. “You’ll be fantastic parents. I should know, you’ve helped raise me.”

Emotion poured from Victor’s voice. “Thank you. That means a lot coming from you.” He brought Katsuki’s hand to his lips and pressed a small kiss to the centre. “Now that we’re a little clearer on what we all want, how would you both feel about coming with us to Japan? Obviously for only as long as you want to remain there and if you find that it doesn’t suit you we can have another discussion.”

A small explosion detonated inside Yuri’s chest. Licking his dry lips, he sought Otabek’s gaze, trying to get a handle on his reaction. Beka just smiled encouragingly at him, communicating without words that he was happy to follow Yuri’s lead on this one.

Would it be selfish to accept the offer? Beka would be leaving his family so that Yuri could be close to his. “Beka?” he had to ask. The decision was too important for him to misconstrue Otabek’s expression.

Otabek’s large hand came to his nape, massaging gently. “I’m with you. I was going to leave home anyway and as long as I’m with you, I don’t care where we land. So if you want this, then we do it.”

He took a deep breath, digesting the words. His attention returned to his coaches. “You really want me to come with you?” Old insecurities would always surface from time to time, his therapist had taught him that. He just needed to hear the words from Victor’s mouth. To know that he was wanted.

Victor met his eye. “Yes. We love working with you, we love spending time with you. If we do have children, we want you to be in their lives. Both of you,” he said, directing the last part at Otabek which caused Yuri’s heart to squeeze because he was so thankful that his make-shift family cared for one another.

The confirmation from Victor was all he needed to allow himself to become happy about the unexpected turn of events. No matter how much Victor pissed him off at times, the man had never lied to him. So if Victor said that they wanted Yuri and Otabek to follow them to Japan, then Yuri would take it as the truth.

Yuri cuddled up to Otabek. “It looks like we’re heading to Japan.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for reading, i think there will just be an epilogue to go now :)


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